Texts From Last Night

Duke4Lyfe's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/xv3v
  Replies (30) Good night (3636) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9071) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want http://tfl.nu/m1hp
  Replies (39) Good night (6691) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (7771) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax." http://tfl.nu/odgz
  Replies (25) Good night (803) Bad night (5847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
  Replies (78) Good night (13556) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me http://tfl.nu/rrqt
  Replies (23) Good night (6250) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that. http://tfl.nu/r5hc
  Replies (33) Good night (3613) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby
  Replies (21) Good night (6868) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8587) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day http://tfl.nu/6zjk
  Replies (15) Good night (5533) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche. http://tfl.nu/n3n6
  Replies (4) Good night (2141) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/wa98
  Replies (26) Good night (6433) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink http://tfl.nu/effl
  Replies (6) Good night (3966) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't. http://tfl.nu/hscn
  Replies (5) Good night (1454) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (10505) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (5819) Bad night (1806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
  Replies (36) Good night (4352) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/vq2t
  Replies (8) Good night (5905) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's gonna be a great weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot (1-203): it's gonna be a great weekend http://tfl.nu/mkok
  Replies (13) Good night (5986) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (42) Good night (11310) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better" http://tfl.nu/pc1d
  Replies (15) Good night (4344) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16388) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (8875) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (7922) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12447) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts http://tfl.nu/x8b0
  Replies (10) Good night (4503) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs. http://tfl.nu/w8zn
  Replies (16) Good night (4558) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8121) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10076) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8414) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6331) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can get orange kush...

  (586): View more from Michigan

  GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I can get orange kush... (586): GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?! http://tfl.nu/voiy
  Replies (32) Good night (6076) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
  Replies (12) Good night (4824) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of. http://tfl.nu/c6bd
  Replies (21) Good night (9208) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thats actually pretty good logic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars" (412): thats actually pretty good logic http://tfl.nu/znkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5747) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame' http://tfl.nu/7sje
  Replies (8) Good night (3810) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (13400) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122
  Replies (23) Good night (8551) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter. http://tfl.nu/re1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5256) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (40) Good night (18648) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do. http://tfl.nu/fu0w
  Replies (21) Good night (6854) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game. http://tfl.nu/rksq
  Replies (7) Good night (3240) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi
  Replies (10) Good night (5580) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation. http://tfl.nu/z4sr
  Replies (15) Good night (6954) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar. http://tfl.nu/6xi2
  Replies (1) Good night (3302) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13380) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (8571) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you? http://tfl.nu/3dbu
  Replies (8) Good night (4424) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up. http://tfl.nu/q8q2
  Replies (10) Good night (3443) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this. http://tfl.nu/g7ey
  Replies (9) Good night (3700) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family. http://tfl.nu/wak4
  Replies (31) Good night (4741) Bad night (1709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class. http://tfl.nu/di0h
  Replies (14) Good night (6484) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country. http://tfl.nu/okwk
  Replies (84) Good night (12209) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night. http://tfl.nu/12y8
  Replies (9) Good night (5697) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (5559) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it. http://tfl.nu/pgco
  Replies (13) Good night (6460) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  this weekend will be like the season finale to my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): this weekend will be like the season finale to my life http://tfl.nu/589p
  Replies (22) Good night (3879) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my margaritas pass through security.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I hope my margaritas pass through security. http://tfl.nu/1pwp
  Replies (7) Good night (3959) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way" http://tfl.nu/67ib
  Replies (8) Good night (4248) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real. http://tfl.nu/de62
  Replies (29) Good night (4679) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell. http://tfl.nu/hc6j
  Replies (17) Good night (2341) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Anal astronaut?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Wow word travels fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Anal astronaut? (847): Wow word travels fast. http://tfl.nu/to7g
  Replies (2) Good night (2145) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral. http://tfl.nu/j7go
  Replies (20) Good night (3481) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Special does not even begin to describe that text.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet. (918): Special does not even begin to describe that text. http://tfl.nu/d8xn
  Replies (6) Good night (3036) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree http://tfl.nu/l7gp
  Replies (46) Good night (5674) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too. http://tfl.nu/msn4
  Replies (38) Good night (3671) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree http://tfl.nu/oe6w
  Replies (32) Good night (7625) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower. http://tfl.nu/v1s4
  Replies (33) Good night (5140) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night http://tfl.nu/syca
  Replies (11) Good night (536) Bad night (3617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190
  Replies (27) Good night (7473) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/njzt
  Replies (18) Good night (4739) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9368) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6019) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9
  Replies (10) Good night (4492) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis. http://tfl.nu/iuvq
  Replies (28) Good night (5679) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5013) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later http://tfl.nu/a1zy
  Replies (19) Good night (8218) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat. http://tfl.nu/ln17
  Replies (28) Good night (5642) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat
  Replies (35) Good night (5934) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (7643) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first. http://tfl.nu/qnn2
  Replies (11) Good night (1018) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be. http://tfl.nu/hcpi
  Replies (14) Good night (944) Bad night (3269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds http://tfl.nu/uf3z
  Replies (11) Good night (4503) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding? http://tfl.nu/zuv6
  Replies (29) Good night (4472) Bad night (1959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10787) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (12892) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12059) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14044) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars. http://tfl.nu/f73b
  Replies (14) Good night (8010) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (8932) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire http://tfl.nu/ncts
  Replies (10) Good night (4722) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it. http://tfl.nu/m8zx
  Replies (13) Good night (5019) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth. http://tfl.nu/ap45
  Replies (38) Good night (8078) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32298) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9054) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10802) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy http://tfl.nu/e6l2
  Replies (36) Good night (3761) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
  Replies (7) Good night (4515) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (134) Good night (6485) Bad night (53639)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/4mwl
  Replies (18) Good night (4622) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (5773) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job. http://tfl.nu/3lp9
  Replies (13) Good night (5392) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians. http://tfl.nu/73dw
  Replies (13) Good night (5770) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird http://tfl.nu/vuhd
  Replies (11) Good night (5841) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8304) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6014) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/5q0r
  Replies (10) Good night (7965) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed? http://tfl.nu/24fj
  Replies (28) Good night (6208) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (15178) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (6867) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9762) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops http://tfl.nu/nwlp
  Replies (28) Good night (6531) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok. http://tfl.nu/sac8
  Replies (15) Good night (1582) Bad night (4258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10636) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19562) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (7564) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26335) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25283) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26196) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15016) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10183) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (12843) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i
  Replies (53) Good night (26452) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (4860) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children. http://tfl.nu/trxp
  Replies (24) Good night (7610) Bad night (824)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10268) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13859) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (33) Good night (14553) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
  Replies (45) Good night (18050) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience http://tfl.nu/ehko
  Replies (10) Good night (843) Bad night (4592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6089) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7169) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it http://tfl.nu/mjt1
  Replies (17) Good night (6722) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9523) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8429) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8635) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1163) Bad night (18740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy." http://tfl.nu/262w
  Replies (21) Good night (6295) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (110) Good night (11816) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (9383) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (12540) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13728) Bad night (1581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (22895) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (54) Good night (15851) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily. http://tfl.nu/l76l
  Replies (40) Good night (3865) Bad night (4455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9389) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68149) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had http://tfl.nu/excp
  Replies (12) Good night (3761) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy (1-713): well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE" http://tfl.nu/3bep
  Replies (11) Good night (973) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt