I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Are we in a gay sports bar?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
