Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
