Texts From Last Night

nataliebreeze's Favorites Texts:

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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8431) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

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  (423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/u8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (982) Bad night (3292) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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  (630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093
  Replies (30) Good night (3888) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday

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  (573): Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday http://tfl.nu/e47n
  Replies (7) Good night (4198) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points

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  (210): Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points http://tfl.nu/hnze
  Replies (18) Good night (6302) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays

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  (224): Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays http://tfl.nu/pg2c
  Replies (19) Good night (6647) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

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  (207): We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us. http://tfl.nu/uz8z
  Replies (10) Good night (2722) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.

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  (717): He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping. http://tfl.nu/p29z
  Replies (27) Good night (998) Bad night (4268) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.

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  (541): he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life. http://tfl.nu/b77w
  Replies (11) Good night (1995) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.

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  (858): She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/gw51
  Replies (9) Good night (3056) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.

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  (314): The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll. http://tfl.nu/0tct
  Replies (4) Good night (880) Bad night (2257) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

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  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7394) Bad night (578)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i have a girlfriend

  (847): View more from Illinois

  if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  no

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  (630): i have a girlfriend (847): if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend? (630): no http://tfl.nu/0yu4
  Replies (40) Good night (5189) Bad night (1462)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside

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  (586): so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside http://tfl.nu/qiju
  Replies (4) Good night (2970) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We named our party play list daddy issues

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  (704): We named our party play list daddy issues http://tfl.nu/zy7m
  Replies (4) Good night (2405) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?

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  (902): are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night? http://tfl.nu/v55k
  Replies (7) Good night (1943) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

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  (412): seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party? http://tfl.nu/4j0b
  Replies (7) Good night (4007) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.

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  (226): i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much. http://tfl.nu/edmc
  Replies (24) Good night (5034) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...

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  (817): he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet... http://tfl.nu/na2h
  Replies (9) Good night (3000) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea

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  (732): the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea http://tfl.nu/kd80
  Replies (27) Good night (5553) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

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  (330): theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that. http://tfl.nu/wccj
  Replies (11) Good night (5068) Bad night (2043) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

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  (301): My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it. http://tfl.nu/gp6s
  Replies (7) Good night (2693) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

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  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5086) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.

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  (613): Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this. http://tfl.nu/j53e
  Replies (6) Good night (981) Bad night (1908) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes

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  (650): I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes http://tfl.nu/pban
  Replies (21) Good night (4509) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep

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  (812): according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep http://tfl.nu/y2u2
  Replies (19) Good night (3015) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

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  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7435) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

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  (360): Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night. http://tfl.nu/91du
  Replies (49) Good night (7397) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

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  (407): He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember. http://tfl.nu/ugc6
  Replies (8) Good night (2426) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.

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  (513): I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered. http://tfl.nu/5t2g
  Replies (15) Good night (3733) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

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  (905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t
  Replies (45) Good night (8447) Bad night (2181)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.

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  (+44): You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize. http://tfl.nu/htot
  Replies (7) Good night (4899) Bad night (961)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.

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  (423): I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/dili
  Replies (5) Good night (3381) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

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  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
  Replies (45) Good night (7066) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

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  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5501) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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  (717): got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me http://tfl.nu/g14l
  Replies (6) Good night (3775) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense

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  (406): I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense http://tfl.nu/qajt
  Replies (48) Good night (5177) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
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  (786): View more from Florida

  i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"

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  (786): i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy" http://tfl.nu/v0t3
  Replies (6) Good night (3859) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

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  (412): my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed http://tfl.nu/3q3u
  Replies (17) Good night (895) Bad night (4017) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together

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  (978): We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together http://tfl.nu/81ca
  Replies (6) Good night (2344) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays

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  (+49): Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays http://tfl.nu/k4b9
  Replies (3) Good night (3739) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

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  (540): i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective. http://tfl.nu/c9ng
  Replies (3) Good night (3550) Bad night (589)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.

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  (780): My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/iiov
  Replies (5) Good night (3384) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week

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  (901): I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week http://tfl.nu/o67r
  Replies (2) Good night (3246) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."

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  (402): We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends." http://tfl.nu/n1yw
  Replies (5) Good night (1244) Bad night (2117)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express

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  (479): there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express http://tfl.nu/hlsi
  Replies (3) Good night (2935) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

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  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (8425) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed

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  (571): I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed http://tfl.nu/piiv
  Replies (22) Good night (4778) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take

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  (469): Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take http://tfl.nu/rvcg
  Replies (13) Good night (2409) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.

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  (617): I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch. http://tfl.nu/yicm
  Replies (13) Good night (1777) Bad night (2933) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny

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  (513): u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny http://tfl.nu/3xi0
  Replies (11) Good night (415) Bad night (3930) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with

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  (562): it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with http://tfl.nu/2rwe
  Replies (14) Good night (4485) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

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  (209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg
  Replies (19) Good night (6194) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me

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  (515): the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me http://tfl.nu/qt23
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

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  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5707) Bad night (800)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.

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  (318): I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning. http://tfl.nu/5etp
  Replies (4) Good night (3393) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick

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  (807): I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick http://tfl.nu/2mmx
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie

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  (318): He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie http://tfl.nu/gshe
  Replies (10) Good night (751) Bad night (2529) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight

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  (513): stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight http://tfl.nu/lu33
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?

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  (603): Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar? http://tfl.nu/vt9e
  Replies (2) Good night (1006) Bad night (297)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday

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  (850): Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday http://tfl.nu/xmv6
  Replies (36) Good night (5723) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah

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  (401): if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah http://tfl.nu/0yif
  Replies (16) Good night (3620) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.

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  (206): Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night. http://tfl.nu/zl6t
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  "people in the room" being me.

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  (336): the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine. (336): "people in the room" being me. http://tfl.nu/hpsj
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society

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  (614): I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society http://tfl.nu/ns4r
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.

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  (850): Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night. http://tfl.nu/mu48
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.

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  (919): we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni. http://tfl.nu/1ccz
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.

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  (904): Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone. http://tfl.nu/zr80
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.

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  (407): Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life. http://tfl.nu/q1vp
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better

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  (918): i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better http://tfl.nu/xhei
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up

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  (210): I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up http://tfl.nu/dh1d
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  (310): View more from California

  the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.

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  (310): the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him. http://tfl.nu/jidd
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?

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  (419): I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included? http://tfl.nu/4lo3
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college

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  (615): Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college http://tfl.nu/1jn9
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.

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  (732): I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home. http://tfl.nu/01mk
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

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  (443): i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007 http://tfl.nu/tyl3
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  (561): View more from Florida

  so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

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  (561): so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same http://tfl.nu/2qn4
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

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  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

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  (440): I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night. http://tfl.nu/nh7e
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.

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  (318): That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior. http://tfl.nu/48ho
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we just fucked in the mcds parking lot

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  wasnt he a virgin

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yes we got celebratory milkshakes after

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  (732): we just fucked in the mcds parking lot (1-732): wasnt he a virgin (732): yes we got celebratory milkshakes after http://tfl.nu/wnnd
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

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  (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high. http://tfl.nu/4f4j
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  this is mike. we're done.

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  (917): I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike (1-917): this is mike. we're done. http://tfl.nu/abns
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

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  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?

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  (802): Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase? http://tfl.nu/m4dc
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

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  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower

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  (513): it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower http://tfl.nu/mfse
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we've started having sober sex

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you really do like him

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  (860): we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him http://tfl.nu/ocmd
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  (512): View more from Texas

  my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??

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  (512): my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college?? http://tfl.nu/kvis
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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  (860): Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal http://tfl.nu/x7fc
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

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  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again

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  (318): her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again http://tfl.nu/8jzt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you slept with him again didn't you

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

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  (480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs
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  (212): View more from New York

  we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady

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  (212): we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady http://tfl.nu/of3l
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  (626): View more from California

  and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.

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  (626): and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name. http://tfl.nu/n8x4
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.

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  (269): We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it. http://tfl.nu/t2uq
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

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  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
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  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

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  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

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  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
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  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

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  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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  (517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed" http://tfl.nu/ho10
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  (916): View more from California

  17 year olds will be the death of me.

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  (916): 17 year olds will be the death of me. http://tfl.nu/j3yc
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We stopped her at 12

  (708): View more from Illinois

  12 shots? Or 12 midnight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Which answer would freak you out less

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  (630): We stopped her at 12 (708): 12 shots? Or 12 midnight? (630): Which answer would freak you out less http://tfl.nu/edb4
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.

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  (612): i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high. http://tfl.nu/z4jl
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

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  (215): I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart. http://tfl.nu/liah
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  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend

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  (412): He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend http://tfl.nu/zd33
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.

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  (440): just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me. http://tfl.nu/8ykb
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.

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  (713): I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke. http://tfl.nu/gwfs
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.

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  (412): Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with. http://tfl.nu/nobk
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  (206): View more from Washington

  is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?

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  (206): is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present? http://tfl.nu/b6gp
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

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  (770): Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave. http://tfl.nu/avq0
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while

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  (425): Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while http://tfl.nu/c37v
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.

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  (201): I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside. http://tfl.nu/y1e3
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Did yall have sex?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen

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  (512): Did yall have sex? (214): Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count? (512): Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen http://tfl.nu/ro48
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'

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  (484): I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock' http://tfl.nu/bqqm
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.

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  (732): Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab. http://tfl.nu/smzr
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

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  (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.

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  (610): A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex. http://tfl.nu/u4lo
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...

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  (781): I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer... http://tfl.nu/rcmz
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.

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  (440): woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl. http://tfl.nu/ta0b
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night

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  (734): I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night http://tfl.nu/yxun
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now

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  (816): I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now http://tfl.nu/vuci
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  How many people did you send this to?

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  (773): CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;) (1-773): How many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/e1gk
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Im going to research this theory. . .

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  (224): Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex' (224): Im going to research this theory. . . http://tfl.nu/7c0k
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I knew I liked you

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  (202): I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later (410): I knew I liked you http://tfl.nu/yvq5
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Hey it's Austin.

  (254): View more from Texas

  I am not drunk enough for this conversation.

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  (210): Hey it's Austin. (254): I am not drunk enough for this conversation. http://tfl.nu/124v
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

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  (203): Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me http://tfl.nu/rey7
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."

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  (480): Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions." http://tfl.nu/c9eh
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

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  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table

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  (732): Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table http://tfl.nu/oexb
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

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  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.

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  (216): In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case. http://tfl.nu/3se1
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...

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  (561): i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots... http://tfl.nu/p2m9
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.

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  (201): Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her. http://tfl.nu/wlqs
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.

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  (803): She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient. http://tfl.nu/2q61
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  (516): View more from New York

  Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.

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  (516): Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits. http://tfl.nu/o0ux
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

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  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
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  (347): View more from New York

  i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning

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  (347): i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning http://tfl.nu/jabd
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  (253): View more from Washington

  dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool

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  (253): dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool http://tfl.nu/jdq1
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter

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  (732): i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter http://tfl.nu/90no
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him

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  (215): some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him http://tfl.nu/gsvg
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy

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  (301): I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy http://tfl.nu/508u
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  (714): View more from California

  i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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  (714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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  (248): first off, his name is dougie. strike one. http://tfl.nu/yrg3
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  (925): View more from California

  I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

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  (925): I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands. http://tfl.nu/9x0j
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  why did u let me go home with him last night?

  (260): View more from Indiana

  u were determined it was a good idea

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  (317): why did u let me go home with him last night? (260): u were determined it was a good idea http://tfl.nu/v9y6
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

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  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly

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  (703): never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly http://tfl.nu/n7qz
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.

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  (814): please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week. http://tfl.nu/2kmj
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...

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  (614): Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write... http://tfl.nu/09db
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.

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  (440): I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise. http://tfl.nu/okxz
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  (631): View more from New York

  this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed

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  (631): this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/rgow
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus

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  (202): respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus http://tfl.nu/nfd9
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  (315): View more from New York

  I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him

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  (315): I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him http://tfl.nu/jvcn
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.

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  (812): i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy. http://tfl.nu/2x1u
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy

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  (480): Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy http://tfl.nu/pa3a
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude are you serious?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I know you already have a pic on your phone

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  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.

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  (860): i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college. http://tfl.nu/169r
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?

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  (865): Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious? http://tfl.nu/lazc
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.

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  (603): Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me. http://tfl.nu/c00l
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places

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  (603): Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places http://tfl.nu/sf6j
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

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  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
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  (904): View more from Florida

  We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

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  (904): We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple http://tfl.nu/4e1c
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

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  (732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97
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  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

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  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

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  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.

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  (651): I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me. http://tfl.nu/og6e
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

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  (781): Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him. http://tfl.nu/iiv7
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.

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  (203): I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/3knu
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  (631): View more from New York

  My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

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  (631): My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you. http://tfl.nu/4nkq
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

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  (801): He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face. http://tfl.nu/vz1o
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

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  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
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  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

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  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

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  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.

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  (586): I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots. http://tfl.nu/8qei
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