We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
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I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
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