Texts From Last Night

ckb71's Favorites Texts:

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  (214): View more from Texas

  i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.

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  (214): i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing. http://tfl.nu/q1z1
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.

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  (802): I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place. http://tfl.nu/5u6t
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.

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  (507): Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization. http://tfl.nu/k6sn
  Replies (5) Good night (1358) Bad night (387)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".

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  (780): So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned". http://tfl.nu/rmju
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"

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  (832): You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you" http://tfl.nu/nnn7
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much

  (352): View more from Florida

  Like they're going to fly away?

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  (407): I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much (352): Like they're going to fly away? http://tfl.nu/z6w4
  Replies (10) Good night (4672) Bad night (656)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Challenge accepted. See you in hell.

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  (662): Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month. (662): Challenge accepted. See you in hell. http://tfl.nu/tj98
  Replies (28) Good night (6941) Bad night (777)
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  (510): View more from California

  Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.

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  (510): Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals. http://tfl.nu/vphu
  Replies (14) Good night (2246) Bad night (579)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.

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  (205): Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes. http://tfl.nu/ntyj
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  (951): View more from California

  isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?

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  (951): isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together? http://tfl.nu/lg5k
  Replies (6) Good night (609) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Come on man nobody wants to admit that

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  (925): Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night? (1-925): Come on man nobody wants to admit that http://tfl.nu/8oz0
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?

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  (864): Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members? http://tfl.nu/kgk2
  Replies (15) Good night (604) Bad night (1866) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right

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  (+44): I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right http://tfl.nu/f22x
  Replies (20) Good night (2433) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.

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  (314): You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left. http://tfl.nu/9ybp
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  (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

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  (818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx
  Replies (58) Good night (15806) Bad night (823)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.

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  (773): Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets. http://tfl.nu/4kdw
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

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  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco

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  (414): ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco http://tfl.nu/xqa3
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

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  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6160) Bad night (1096)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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  (519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp
  Replies (29) Good night (3978) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?

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  (862): I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you? http://tfl.nu/xnnk
  Replies (16) Good night (2271) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.

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  (269): All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold. http://tfl.nu/eqny
  Replies (4) Good night (1796) Bad night (705)
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  (530): View more from California

  I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.

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  (530): I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother. http://tfl.nu/6hsn
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

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  (508): I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals. http://tfl.nu/elpv
  Replies (3) Good night (2632) Bad night (586)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face

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  (662): It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face http://tfl.nu/qofd
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.

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  (717): Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl. http://tfl.nu/lse9
  Replies (8) Good night (2057) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.

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  (704): He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book. http://tfl.nu/dqxa
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show

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  (856): and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show http://tfl.nu/o1xq
  Replies (4) Good night (2964) Bad night (675)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.

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  (647): Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever. http://tfl.nu/jdwu
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her

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  (905): She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her http://tfl.nu/rw3c
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note

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  (706): Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note http://tfl.nu/2uyq
  Replies (5) Good night (4096) Bad night (686)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin

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  (416): I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin http://tfl.nu/wbk6
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.

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  (732): I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds. http://tfl.nu/t1fp
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80187) Bad night (4306) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat

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  (978): Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat http://tfl.nu/fgz1
  Replies (17) Good night (4168) Bad night (939)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.

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  (502): Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt. http://tfl.nu/f1ui
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink

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  (630): Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink http://tfl.nu/oigr
  Replies (19) Good night (3859) Bad night (976)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?

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  (616): Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past. (616): I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures? http://tfl.nu/o51k
  Replies (4) Good night (2781) Bad night (1233)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.

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  (662): they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments. http://tfl.nu/u5vp
  Replies (10) Good night (2461) Bad night (980)
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  (716): View more from New York

  When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.

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  (716): When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex. http://tfl.nu/mu23
  Replies (14) Good night (3670) Bad night (900)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"

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  (210): Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!" http://tfl.nu/xp9i
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?

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  (513): so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned? http://tfl.nu/1jvr
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.

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  (270): We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel. http://tfl.nu/l81q
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

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  (484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg
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  (718): View more from New York

  you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

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  (718): you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke. http://tfl.nu/vku6
  Replies (13) Good night (2808) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

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  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar

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  (732): i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar http://tfl.nu/z6xf
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  (707): View more from California

  last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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  (707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll. http://tfl.nu/u5mu
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.

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  (708): This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major. http://tfl.nu/bo8s
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

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  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

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  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
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  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

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  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51574) Bad night (2262)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

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  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
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  (607): View more from New York

  Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner

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  (607): Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner http://tfl.nu/msbx
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  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

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  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7814) Bad night (710)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

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  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube

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  (203): sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube http://tfl.nu/1qv7
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  (742): View more from

  What happened last night?

  (1-742): View more from

  You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.

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  (742): What happened last night? (1-742): You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth. http://tfl.nu/koqa
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this

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  (978): Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this http://tfl.nu/fyek
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.

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  (937): I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/skfa
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.

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  (662): I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/47a7
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars

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  (228): There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars http://tfl.nu/ue2i
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  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

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  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
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  (818): View more from California

  I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

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  (818): I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. http://tfl.nu/bkr9
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

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  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
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  (206): View more from Washington

  remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?

  (206): View more from Washington

  joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!

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  (206): remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine? (206): joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/ignl
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE

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  (480): I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE http://tfl.nu/wmq4
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

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  (231): A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people. http://tfl.nu/k0xd
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.

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  (248): Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious. http://tfl.nu/r1dy
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

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  (419): I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes http://tfl.nu/4b4j
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.

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  (603): She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying. http://tfl.nu/6631
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone

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  (404): i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone http://tfl.nu/jdpw
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

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  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike

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  (419): i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike http://tfl.nu/sgnh
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year

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  (732): I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year http://tfl.nu/jq5i
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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  (410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis" http://tfl.nu/6z4n
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.

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  (204): at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess. http://tfl.nu/unws
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.

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  (318): my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes. http://tfl.nu/jzo6
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  "We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.

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  (773): Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could. (773): "We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible. (773): I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive. http://tfl.nu/kn2s
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.

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  (309): Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me. http://tfl.nu/c51e
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

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  (720): I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower. http://tfl.nu/yzkb
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  (909): View more from California

  dude i'm inner monologue high

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  (909): dude i'm inner monologue high http://tfl.nu/4ebt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

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  (508): dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced. http://tfl.nu/9kh7
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  (512): View more from Texas

  hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

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  (512): hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one? (1-512): yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go. http://tfl.nu/pwrk
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.

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  (781): So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger. (603): Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat. http://tfl.nu/6067
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

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  (678): So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God. http://tfl.nu/decj
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

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  (980): when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space. http://tfl.nu/ayzt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.

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  (785): Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer. http://tfl.nu/7lxv
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

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  (801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc
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  (212): View more from New York

  He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

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  (212): He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall http://tfl.nu/usfu
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...

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  (978): FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong... http://tfl.nu/4k47
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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  (804): Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting http://tfl.nu/9m8j
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.

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  (515): Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy. http://tfl.nu/x9uw
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  (845): View more from New York

  Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

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  (845): Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian. http://tfl.nu/smlz
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  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

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  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs

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  (303): i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs http://tfl.nu/68oq
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success

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  (410): He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success http://tfl.nu/9mnw
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

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  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
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  (818): View more from California

  to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people

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  (818): to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people http://tfl.nu/ib6w
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  (805): View more from California

  My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.

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  (805): My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore. http://tfl.nu/yzqd
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..

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  (918): i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning.. http://tfl.nu/cvhe
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'

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  (704): my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!' http://tfl.nu/sd3c
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  (310): View more from California

  Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?

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  (310): Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while? http://tfl.nu/my43
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

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  (302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down. (1-302): You mean inside out. (302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist. http://tfl.nu/eio3
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

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  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

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  (902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?

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  (970): How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy? http://tfl.nu/ky06
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  (516): View more from New York

  I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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  (516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.

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  (219): I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious. http://tfl.nu/0lgt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

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  (972): I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed http://tfl.nu/xlf6
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

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  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
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  (518): View more from New York

  no really all good couples have similar hair colors!

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  (518): no really all good couples have similar hair colors! http://tfl.nu/r50f
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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  (720): Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food http://tfl.nu/f7o2
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..

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  (314): Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is.. http://tfl.nu/1wrs
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

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  (+61): She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom. http://tfl.nu/ltjp
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.

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  (662): Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God. http://tfl.nu/m55y
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

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  (662): It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though http://tfl.nu/50vd
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

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  (901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe

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  (662): neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe http://tfl.nu/zrqw
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.

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  (662): We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety. http://tfl.nu/psgs
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits

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  (662): The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits http://tfl.nu/a8f8
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

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  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.

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  (662): We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac. http://tfl.nu/8ele
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

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  (662): you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again http://tfl.nu/srv7
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.

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  (662): Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45. http://tfl.nu/maq6
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

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  (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high. http://tfl.nu/4f4j
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

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  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

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  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

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  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.

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  (503): I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over. http://tfl.nu/8vsu
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

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  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Oh.My.God.

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  (405): So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid (1-405): Oh.My.God. http://tfl.nu/b4yo
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression

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  (703): the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression http://tfl.nu/ti0p
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

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  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses

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  (734): Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses http://tfl.nu/u4m4
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  (212): View more from New York

  I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth

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  (212): I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro (630): I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth http://tfl.nu/vvtz
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  (210): View more from Texas

  this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!

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  (210): this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings! http://tfl.nu/x9r9
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  (+44): View more from England

  why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

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  (+44): why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star?? http://tfl.nu/ikzh
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  (858): View more from California

  I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

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  (858): I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it. http://tfl.nu/e9ge
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.

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  (256): She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating. http://tfl.nu/eva0
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!

  (1-903): View more from Texas

  What does that even mean?

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  (903): I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude! (1-903): What does that even mean? http://tfl.nu/qhna
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

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  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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  (309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

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  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

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  (218): i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette. http://tfl.nu/f90v
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  (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

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  (213): dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring. http://tfl.nu/vd81
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this

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  (304): enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this http://tfl.nu/89bx
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Best. Handjob. Ever.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm guessing Kelly is over?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Nope. Home alone.

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  (416): Best. Handjob. Ever. (905): I'm guessing Kelly is over? (416): Nope. Home alone. http://tfl.nu/vpw4
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...

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  (717): I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners... http://tfl.nu/4h9y
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.

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  (972): Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife. http://tfl.nu/0n10
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
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  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

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  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

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  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

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  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
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  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

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  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
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  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

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  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
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  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

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  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
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  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

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  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
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  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

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  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

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  (409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me. http://tfl.nu/r0oo
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

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  (269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus. http://tfl.nu/d22v
  Replies (20) Good night (9064) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
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  (560): View more from

  I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

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  (560): I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time? http://tfl.nu/wzlt
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  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

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  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2453) Bad night (35330)