I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
