I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
