Texts From Last Night

Brittlivelife's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything? http://tfl.nu/t3z5
  Replies (23) Good night (2486) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year http://tfl.nu/b3y5
  Replies (14) Good night (1099) Bad night (4603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/tgoh
  Replies (11) Good night (1031) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?

  (309): View more from Illinois

  No idea. And yes be here at 4

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding? (309): No idea. And yes be here at 4 http://tfl.nu/o72l
  Replies (10) Good night (1973) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone http://tfl.nu/crvf
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often. http://tfl.nu/fdr3
  Replies (4) Good night (1916) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  ??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): ??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas. http://tfl.nu/j6o2
  Replies (8) Good night (2905) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dm8r
  Replies (9) Good night (3972) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES. http://tfl.nu/idd1
  Replies (27) Good night (1431) Bad night (4062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again. http://tfl.nu/m5jy
  Replies (5) Good night (1711) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there. http://tfl.nu/awit
  Replies (3) Good night (929) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world. http://tfl.nu/0gxn
  Replies (3) Good night (608) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot. http://tfl.nu/9evn
  Replies (6) Good night (845) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest. http://tfl.nu/w1i7
  Replies (16) Good night (2427) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night. http://tfl.nu/aogr
  Replies (8) Good night (1370) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode http://tfl.nu/ptvh
  Replies (4) Good night (1225) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.

  (1-951): View more from California

  This is the first time I'm hearing this information.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you. (1-951): This is the first time I'm hearing this information. http://tfl.nu/wdlz
  Replies (20) Good night (3492) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm always drunk lately

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I'm always drunk lately (647): Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears http://tfl.nu/384i
  Replies (3) Good night (1036) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us http://tfl.nu/1h6z
  Replies (3) Good night (1842) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her... http://tfl.nu/8w76
  Replies (6) Good night (413) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch. http://tfl.nu/qcd2
  Replies (3) Good night (1582) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me http://tfl.nu/lsz4
  Replies (16) Good night (2770) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs. http://tfl.nu/6i5r
  Replies (4) Good night (276) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+06): View more from

  We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+06): We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away. http://tfl.nu/dvn1
  Replies (13) Good night (6226) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered http://tfl.nu/unl1
  Replies (6) Good night (2518) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is" http://tfl.nu/kt8o
  Replies (11) Good night (2486) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars http://tfl.nu/ybwb
  Replies (37) Good night (1675) Bad night (4594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American. http://tfl.nu/e4rx
  Replies (13) Good night (3538) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP. http://tfl.nu/9fya
  Replies (7) Good night (1429) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout. http://tfl.nu/rilo
  Replies (62) Good night (18032) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16783) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere. http://tfl.nu/am2w
  Replies (3) Good night (2064) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190
  Replies (27) Good night (7727) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy. (1-907): Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more.. http://tfl.nu/8g8e
  Replies (45) Good night (7298) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there http://tfl.nu/j1ap
  Replies (6) Good night (1917) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell http://tfl.nu/79c2
  Replies (3) Good night (1216) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex. http://tfl.nu/7adn
  Replies (2) Good night (1547) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that. http://tfl.nu/xdn8
  Replies (3) Good night (1338) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive." http://tfl.nu/krpq
  Replies (10) Good night (1623) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself http://tfl.nu/lvoc
  Replies (6) Good night (339) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (247): View more from

  That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (247): That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes. http://tfl.nu/fpdo
  Replies (6) Good night (1294) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I forgot about that,good spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild" (773): I forgot about that,good spring break. http://tfl.nu/09xy
  Replies (16) Good night (6050) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years. http://tfl.nu/9eix
  Replies (10) Good night (6151) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6412) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  didn't stop?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  naw, they were rude, not me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family. (1-773): didn't stop? (773): naw, they were rude, not me. http://tfl.nu/wggq
  Replies (32) Good night (11516) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9453) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (33) Good night (15224) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already. http://tfl.nu/j86y
  Replies (10) Good night (7272) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart http://tfl.nu/4qqp
  Replies (19) Good night (7530) Bad night (1389)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7736) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick. http://tfl.nu/npkp
  Replies (43) Good night (7889) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (28) Good night (10243) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day. http://tfl.nu/ga2m
  Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner." http://tfl.nu/q4fy
  Replies (16) Good night (2492) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me. http://tfl.nu/il2t
  Replies (8) Good night (2108) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool. http://tfl.nu/j2os
  Replies (7) Good night (299) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/avlt
  Replies (15) Good night (2371) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/hho5
  Replies (12) Good night (2368) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER! http://tfl.nu/av7d
  Replies (9) Good night (1095) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them. http://tfl.nu/vjo6
  Replies (7) Good night (1164) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind. http://tfl.nu/wqhb
  Replies (4) Good night (926) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?! http://tfl.nu/drpl
  Replies (21) Good night (1401) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose. http://tfl.nu/3zcu
  Replies (1) Good night (793) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark. http://tfl.nu/p2c2
  Replies (18) Good night (1259) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet? http://tfl.nu/aavq
  Replies (9) Good night (1751) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD http://tfl.nu/div0
  Replies (13) Good night (1294) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now. http://tfl.nu/8ew5
  Replies (7) Good night (312) Bad night (1596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater. http://tfl.nu/rsqd
  Replies (4) Good night (1375) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp". http://tfl.nu/ico5
  Replies (4) Good night (1689) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa. http://tfl.nu/cslo
  Replies (19) Good night (1594) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos" http://tfl.nu/1xhi
  Replies (10) Good night (1428) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF! http://tfl.nu/xzr6
  Replies (13) Good night (1349) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro http://tfl.nu/kq10
  Replies (24) Good night (3987) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on. http://tfl.nu/bqu1
  Replies (15) Good night (4282) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (20297) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever. http://tfl.nu/1thi
  Replies (1) Good night (994) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band. http://tfl.nu/ldj0
  Replies (10) Good night (2489) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away http://tfl.nu/gctj
  Replies (18) Good night (1558) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate" http://tfl.nu/k3ux
  Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up? http://tfl.nu/celn
  Replies (2) Good night (2085) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/n8th
  Replies (7) Good night (1888) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone http://tfl.nu/1xod
  Replies (6) Good night (525) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH

  (360): View more from Washington

  Yes

  (253): View more from Washington

  O.K.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH (360): Yes (253): O.K. http://tfl.nu/wpv0
  Replies (4) Good night (1257) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Peanut butter balls.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Peanut butter balls. (1-206): IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD http://tfl.nu/s2fd
  Replies (10) Good night (551) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period http://tfl.nu/lfle
  Replies (8) Good night (2095) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g
  Replies (42) Good night (773) Bad night (6537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt
  Replies (35) Good night (1648) Bad night (6584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going. http://tfl.nu/q9ws
  Replies (16) Good night (1330) Bad night (6630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys. http://tfl.nu/w8m7
  Replies (28) Good night (1561) Bad night (6628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (29) Good night (1906) Bad night (6678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues. (478): Moment of silence for the loss of that option. http://tfl.nu/jcvy
  Replies (29) Good night (1731) Bad night (6926)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in? http://tfl.nu/0531
  Replies (52) Good night (1055) Bad night (6677)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59093) Bad night (7116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (774) Bad night (6700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing. http://tfl.nu/z54y
  Replies (15) Good night (636) Bad night (6760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1213) Bad night (6779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman" http://tfl.nu/jaxb
  Replies (79) Good night (1401) Bad night (6770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6xbj
  Replies (42) Good night (2337) Bad night (6834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier? http://tfl.nu/2449
  Replies (183) Good night (5131) Bad night (6822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it. (785): again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now. http://tfl.nu/6i8m
  Replies (36) Good night (1474) Bad night (6873)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight. http://tfl.nu/6ch9
  Replies (47) Good night (1763) Bad night (7018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama. (770): WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?! http://tfl.nu/mh7d
  Replies (49) Good night (1221) Bad night (6938)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed. http://tfl.nu/1iir
  Replies (31) Good night (773) Bad night (6933)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile. http://tfl.nu/y44t
  Replies (27) Good night (637) Bad night (6942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried http://tfl.nu/gu6n
  Replies (131) Good night (6014) Bad night (7194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Right after we had the just friends talk..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): At what point last night did I start ordering doubles? (856): Right after we had the just friends talk.. http://tfl.nu/zby8
  Replies (22) Good night (993) Bad night (7177)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction. http://tfl.nu/2rxz
  Replies (58) Good night (1114) Bad night (7156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4431) Bad night (7238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck http://tfl.nu/zlj8
  Replies (46) Good night (1102) Bad night (7162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something http://tfl.nu/p4oj
  Replies (31) Good night (807) Bad night (7219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma. http://tfl.nu/dkbg
  Replies (37) Good night (4256) Bad night (7237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (1170) Bad night (7240)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I didn't know people actually cried after sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I didn't know people actually cried after sex. http://tfl.nu/mss1
  Replies (25) Good night (935) Bad night (7283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier. http://tfl.nu/mu3y
  Replies (36) Good night (1166) Bad night (7308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w
  Replies (19) Good night (1015) Bad night (7339)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head http://tfl.nu/73zt
  Replies (48) Good night (1293) Bad night (7412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse http://tfl.nu/l7qs
  Replies (46) Good night (805) Bad night (7464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits http://tfl.nu/a8zr
  Replies (29) Good night (1510) Bad night (7494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is. http://tfl.nu/ui1w
  Replies (62) Good night (1131) Bad night (7475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat. http://tfl.nu/gqde
  Replies (96) Good night (1455) Bad night (7522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant http://tfl.nu/26do
  Replies (16) Good night (626) Bad night (7497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (2178) Bad night (7716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time http://tfl.nu/vuuh
  Replies (57) Good night (971) Bad night (7617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends http://tfl.nu/ghdi
  Replies (16) Good night (1051) Bad night (7678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity. http://tfl.nu/m9p5
  Replies (53) Good night (1501) Bad night (7688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school? http://tfl.nu/0udh
  Replies (357) Good night (734) Bad night (7870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass http://tfl.nu/kbrv
  Replies (21) Good night (1198) Bad night (8045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  didn't feel it. :)

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wait what? so it's not in america?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning (1-217): didn't feel it. :) (217): It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't. (1-217): wait what? so it's not in america? http://tfl.nu/0q24
  Replies (65) Good night (1051) Bad night (8498)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (2153) Bad night (8767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (41) Good night (2654) Bad night (9302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6791) Bad night (40788)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis http://tfl.nu/354f
  Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Almost there.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Almost there. (1-402): define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway. http://tfl.nu/xjed
  Replies (1) Good night (1572) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them. http://tfl.nu/5mum
  Replies (14) Good night (1851) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (88): View more from

  As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (88): As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice. http://tfl.nu/ji6g
  Replies (10) Good night (1808) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha http://tfl.nu/1j7y
  Replies (10) Good night (2829) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk. http://tfl.nu/4vbt
  Replies (4) Good night (1573) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend http://tfl.nu/p2pa
  Replies (13) Good night (958) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck http://tfl.nu/1t6b
  Replies (16) Good night (710) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW. http://tfl.nu/y0o7
  Replies (4) Good night (1241) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears. http://tfl.nu/33uz
  Replies (7) Good night (2148) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA http://tfl.nu/xggi
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/byss
  Replies (3) Good night (1060) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested http://tfl.nu/5edf
  Replies (4) Good night (1644) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco. http://tfl.nu/n13q
  Replies (12) Good night (2022) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX. http://tfl.nu/l62p
  Replies (7) Good night (1527) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK! http://tfl.nu/gkpr
  Replies (11) Good night (1213) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once. http://tfl.nu/s0yn
  Replies (5) Good night (1243) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+01): View more from

  I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom

  (1+01): View more from

  your the Dr. Phil in my life

  (+01): View more from

  Today is an unchanging day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+01): I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom (1+01): your the Dr. Phil in my life (+01): Today is an unchanging day http://tfl.nu/6nwn
  Replies (1) Good night (836) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis. http://tfl.nu/jvao
  Replies (27) Good night (3772) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View. http://tfl.nu/be63
  Replies (12) Good night (712) Bad night (2331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): 1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills. http://tfl.nu/lzae
  Replies (10) Good night (1329) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight http://tfl.nu/tjyz
  Replies (0) Good night (914) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining. http://tfl.nu/kdvr
  Replies (2) Good night (1258) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up. http://tfl.nu/1byu
  Replies (1) Good night (1205) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE. http://tfl.nu/c4re
  Replies (6) Good night (1600) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  In some strange universe, yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores? (1-662): In some strange universe, yes http://tfl.nu/4gql
  Replies (7) Good night (1482) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt