11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
