Texts From Last Night

konnerm's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget! http://tfl.nu/i6kv
  Replies (8) Good night (3644) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (8424) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain". http://tfl.nu/ukpa
  Replies (25) Good night (13803) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (54) Good night (15092) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18690) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (10898) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx
  Replies (43) Good night (13031) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (12369) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (16415) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (30) Good night (14117) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (43) Good night (2211) Bad night (6076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT?? http://tfl.nu/2vmn
  Replies (13) Good night (5496) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well. http://tfl.nu/1rx6
  Replies (8) Good night (5409) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6
  Replies (10) Good night (5560) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented) http://tfl.nu/wdah
  Replies (10) Good night (3063) Bad night (1219)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY

  (614): View more from Ohio

  handstands? WTF?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  she was a gymnast

  (614): View more from Ohio

   go to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY (614): handstands? WTF? (405): she was a gymnast (614): go to hell. http://tfl.nu/pyfe
  Replies (9) Good night (2565) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week. http://tfl.nu/6l6t
  Replies (15) Good night (1317) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+33): On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..." http://tfl.nu/o65f
  Replies (26) Good night (7290) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7474) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12113) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and the officer said have you been drinking

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and i said NOO SIR.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and he said, I am a woman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): and the officer said have you been drinking (864): and i said NOO SIR. (864): and he said, I am a woman. http://tfl.nu/8g3i
  Replies (19) Good night (1603) Bad night (6534)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Are you dead

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Yes

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Oh man

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Are you dead (1-260): Yes (260): Oh man (1-260): Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard http://tfl.nu/iien
  Replies (7) Good night (2476) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12060) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while. http://tfl.nu/n1x9
  Replies (24) Good night (5052) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR. http://tfl.nu/vjij
  Replies (25) Good night (6961) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore. http://tfl.nu/pqxc
  Replies (31) Good night (1294) Bad night (4447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still http://tfl.nu/1pcd
  Replies (9) Good night (1423) Bad night (2678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8587) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13380) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14183) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16026) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (20) Good night (9669) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6170) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record http://tfl.nu/cq61
  Replies (17) Good night (1780) Bad night (247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16196) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (43) Good night (4305) Bad night (7973)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life http://tfl.nu/meh0
  Replies (12) Good night (3813) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc
  Replies (43) Good night (20189) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39829) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
  Replies (26) Good night (2253) Bad night (3584)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63
  Replies (27) Good night (5252) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (4858) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I feel great

  (650): View more from California

  I just peed on a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I feel great (650): I just peed on a car http://tfl.nu/eq9k
  Replies (8) Good night (2628) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this' http://tfl.nu/libu
  Replies (15) Good night (5137) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (9737) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I hraet yuo

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  did you say you heart me or hate me?

  (518): View more from New York

  who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I hraet yuo (862): did you say you heart me or hate me? (518): who is this? http://tfl.nu/kdsg
  Replies (18) Good night (3271) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night http://tfl.nu/8gcp
  Replies (13) Good night (5999) Bad night (1286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): put your butt on the phone this is a booty call http://tfl.nu/3vuo
  Replies (25) Good night (2649) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
  Replies (56) Good night (7656) Bad night (2157)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (33) Good night (14553) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5615) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test? http://tfl.nu/em8d
  Replies (9) Good night (817) Bad night (3688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that? http://tfl.nu/r8k1
  Replies (43) Good night (955) Bad night (8488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11374) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12004) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44044) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (6767) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4701) Bad night (2972)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1007) Bad night (6592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (46) Good night (6130) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw
  Replies (24) Good night (8312) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1236) Bad night (5603)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger' http://tfl.nu/z4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (4875) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand... http://tfl.nu/3a2z
  Replies (8) Good night (1441) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I think I have a pornographic memory.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Don't you mean photographic?

  (407): View more from Florida

  No.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I think I have a pornographic memory. (954): Don't you mean photographic? (407): No. http://tfl.nu/ii2n
  Replies (14) Good night (5473) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa
  Replies (42) Good night (8909) Bad night (2039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj
  Replies (23) Good night (6648) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48649) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8124) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136704) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124217) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69182) Bad night (1983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76736) Bad night (3807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52341) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62668) Bad night (2951)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64495) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62695) Bad night (3539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165221) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (12739) Bad night (1707)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (80) Good night (2276) Bad night (7734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (47) Good night (21228) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable. http://tfl.nu/q51j
  Replies (31) Good night (6458) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4699) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  dude its may

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Work with me here, man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word (803): dude its may (843): Work with me here, man. http://tfl.nu/2m3l
  Replies (6) Good night (3772) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6406) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8152) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again. http://tfl.nu/bm5p
  Replies (12) Good night (7605) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Your an asshole

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Actually, it's "you're an asshole"

  (954): View more from Florida

  My point exactly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Your an asshole (1-954): Actually, it's "you're an asshole" (954): My point exactly http://tfl.nu/txzi
  Replies (47) Good night (3158) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed. http://tfl.nu/xljx
  Replies (87) Good night (3021) Bad night (30124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period http://tfl.nu/tso5
  Replies (217) Good night (1125) Bad night (28011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (254) Good night (3815) Bad night (77570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (253) Good night (3186) Bad night (75925)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (174) Good night (5431) Bad night (77621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (11608) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
  Replies (20) Good night (5741) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives. http://tfl.nu/vpi4
  Replies (22) Good night (7114) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17734) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122218) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161229) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (6741) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you http://tfl.nu/vy0a
  Replies (21) Good night (4757) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners." (423): Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A. (814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay. http://tfl.nu/o5wb
  Replies (23) Good night (8807) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Not even the dog will look at me anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Not even the dog will look at me anymore. http://tfl.nu/6y6q
  Replies (15) Good night (800) Bad night (4228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/jop2
  Replies (23) Good night (6273) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful. http://tfl.nu/8ema
  Replies (9) Good night (4994) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen. http://tfl.nu/y8ck
  Replies (17) Good night (8512) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6606) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (16) Good night (15043) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Grandpa would have been proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out. (815): Grandpa would have been proud http://tfl.nu/nrjc
  Replies (13) Good night (5504) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4129) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student. http://tfl.nu/a880
  Replies (55) Good night (1623) Bad night (7296)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend? http://tfl.nu/xxqb
  Replies (49) Good night (662) Bad night (2653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (24) Good night (9714) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (5954) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us http://tfl.nu/v63w
  Replies (6) Good night (4774) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9243) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (27351) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde
  Replies (47) Good night (5196) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
  Replies (24) Good night (5494) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse http://tfl.nu/je2y
  Replies (160) Good night (10948) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics http://tfl.nu/3wmw
  Replies (68) Good night (10363) Bad night (2139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!! http://tfl.nu/zkcs
  Replies (47) Good night (5205) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived http://tfl.nu/2pbp
  Replies (18) Good night (578) Bad night (7051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  you should have been aborted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now. (1-908): you should have been aborted. http://tfl.nu/el6q
  Replies (19) Good night (3834) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9330) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later. http://tfl.nu/ou2j
  Replies (28) Good night (1006) Bad night (2695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just know... :) goodntight

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just know... :) goodntight (1-281): Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too. http://tfl.nu/kxmt
  Replies (17) Good night (2945) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt