Texts From Last Night

djquecumber's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now. http://tfl.nu/m10w
  Replies (29) Good night (7604) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple http://tfl.nu/8ojo
  Replies (60) Good night (583) Bad night (5903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me. http://tfl.nu/yxh1
  Replies (28) Good night (777) Bad night (4363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere' http://tfl.nu/tlv9
  Replies (18) Good night (4327) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin http://tfl.nu/b3ck
  Replies (18) Good night (3984) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass http://tfl.nu/ujep
  Replies (36) Good night (8269) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage http://tfl.nu/nrg5
  Replies (39) Good night (916) Bad night (12848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just remember telling jokes while vomitting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just remember telling jokes while vomitting http://tfl.nu/rnz0
  Replies (10) Good night (3610) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12893) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1
  Replies (23) Good night (10962) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude. http://tfl.nu/zi0k
  Replies (16) Good night (814) Bad night (3790)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube (630): my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cxvl
  Replies (17) Good night (6894) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out. http://tfl.nu/fs1q
  Replies (15) Good night (987) Bad night (4454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid. http://tfl.nu/ndn7
  Replies (5) Good night (5407) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking". http://tfl.nu/tuao
  Replies (9) Good night (5518) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on http://tfl.nu/rm4w
  Replies (17) Good night (5078) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2
  Replies (17) Good night (4695) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We stopped her at 12

  (708): View more from Illinois

  12 shots? Or 12 midnight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Which answer would freak you out less

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We stopped her at 12 (708): 12 shots? Or 12 midnight? (630): Which answer would freak you out less http://tfl.nu/edb4
  Replies (5) Good night (5344) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that? http://tfl.nu/r8k1
  Replies (43) Good night (955) Bad night (8488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6753) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened. http://tfl.nu/4exz
  Replies (23) Good night (6113) Bad night (2524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter. http://tfl.nu/re1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5256) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed http://tfl.nu/wcfq
  Replies (26) Good night (4021) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went http://tfl.nu/usqw
  Replies (32) Good night (808) Bad night (6710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving. http://tfl.nu/1pg2
  Replies (16) Good night (5356) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin http://tfl.nu/3pnd
  Replies (30) Good night (948) Bad night (3385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate. http://tfl.nu/tob7
  Replies (18) Good night (5055) Bad night (1621)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box. http://tfl.nu/2fsf
  Replies (23) Good night (6526) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot http://tfl.nu/u2s7
  Replies (8) Good night (4032) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (20) Good night (6134) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job. http://tfl.nu/iztl
  Replies (7) Good night (3812) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind. http://tfl.nu/avf5
  Replies (6) Good night (3671) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy. http://tfl.nu/cb6u
  Replies (5) Good night (1019) Bad night (2465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw http://tfl.nu/yy7h
  Replies (21) Good night (1332) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time.... http://tfl.nu/q5xm
  Replies (5) Good night (2834) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/xz6e
  Replies (22) Good night (4355) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..' http://tfl.nu/mj73
  Replies (6) Good night (2625) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9
  Replies (10) Good night (2584) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed http://tfl.nu/06jt
  Replies (6) Good night (791) Bad night (2650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses. http://tfl.nu/2f5f
  Replies (15) Good night (1480) Bad night (4364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas. http://tfl.nu/1h9b
  Replies (14) Good night (5565) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am. http://tfl.nu/bakg
  Replies (19) Good night (1206) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us (847): You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high. http://tfl.nu/59an
  Replies (6) Good night (2390) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i
  Replies (4) Good night (1604) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor http://tfl.nu/iwft
  Replies (7) Good night (1858) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink http://tfl.nu/oigr
  Replies (19) Good night (3582) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again http://tfl.nu/jwke
  Replies (1) Good night (1631) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach (630): Me toooooo!! Margaritas (773): I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good http://tfl.nu/3y14
  Replies (50) Good night (998) Bad night (3386)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jyg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1062) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later" http://tfl.nu/rgop
  Replies (3) Good night (1655) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed http://tfl.nu/eaof
  Replies (5) Good night (612) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (739): View more from

  The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (739): The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/v9ao
  Replies (13) Good night (3019) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN." http://tfl.nu/7rib
  Replies (13) Good night (2480) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I? (1-207): I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me. http://tfl.nu/4usu
  Replies (5) Good night (2431) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest. http://tfl.nu/yx0q
  Replies (19) Good night (3499) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night. http://tfl.nu/u07w
  Replies (6) Good night (1144) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  no drinking for a week

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): no drinking for a week (1-512): if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes http://tfl.nu/kuw5
  Replies (4) Good night (2335) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now. http://tfl.nu/oxop
  Replies (12) Good night (2345) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over? (312): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/ubhn
  Replies (18) Good night (4088) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal? http://tfl.nu/v8vs
  Replies (8) Good night (3338) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high... http://tfl.nu/j3oh
  Replies (54) Good night (5498) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes http://tfl.nu/2sgp
  Replies (14) Good night (4307) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3393) Bad night (5212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later. http://tfl.nu/ou2j
  Replies (28) Good night (1006) Bad night (2695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence. http://tfl.nu/c80w
  Replies (52) Good night (3801) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year. http://tfl.nu/aaaw
  Replies (8) Good night (475) Bad night (2294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting http://tfl.nu/9kwe
  Replies (7) Good night (1662) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me". http://tfl.nu/ag7w
  Replies (3) Good night (3118) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore. http://tfl.nu/6de5
  Replies (14) Good night (3383) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear. http://tfl.nu/nwnx
  Replies (19) Good night (3387) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body. http://tfl.nu/exdj
  Replies (5) Good night (1835) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain". http://tfl.nu/ukpa
  Replies (25) Good night (13803) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under. http://tfl.nu/oj4t
  Replies (14) Good night (3213) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/oe9a
  Replies (10) Good night (2556) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since. http://tfl.nu/i7hq
  Replies (5) Good night (1128) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer http://tfl.nu/nk2m
  Replies (6) Good night (2097) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement. http://tfl.nu/314h
  Replies (9) Good night (1062) Bad night (2604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week. http://tfl.nu/axd2
  Replies (15) Good night (3766) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car. http://tfl.nu/l3cg
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (4180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent http://tfl.nu/fgks
  Replies (23) Good night (3837) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day http://tfl.nu/098u
  Replies (13) Good night (4695) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done. http://tfl.nu/tk11
  Replies (15) Good night (2466) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night? http://tfl.nu/t0ro
  Replies (4) Good night (3823) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am http://tfl.nu/8pmq
  Replies (15) Good night (570) Bad night (2788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Responsibility does not care about your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Responsibility does not care about your dick. http://tfl.nu/xdqb
  Replies (10) Good night (3190) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (10824) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1587) Bad night (5508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom. (702): Bro... we didn't even hang out last night?? http://tfl.nu/2ylu
  Replies (10) Good night (1764) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  "Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): "Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general. http://tfl.nu/5855
  Replies (4) Good night (1668) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice. http://tfl.nu/s7hm
  Replies (19) Good night (4258) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of? http://tfl.nu/2d4m
  Replies (21) Good night (454) Bad night (5033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing. http://tfl.nu/qkg3
  Replies (6) Good night (3243) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face. http://tfl.nu/ktzo
  Replies (26) Good night (3555) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I love sluts.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I end my prayers with that every single night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I love sluts. (402): I end my prayers with that every single night. http://tfl.nu/8il0
  Replies (8) Good night (3506) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit. http://tfl.nu/ure1
  Replies (1) Good night (411) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars. http://tfl.nu/alo4
  Replies (8) Good night (2605) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (6752) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire. http://tfl.nu/qksw
  Replies (16) Good night (3613) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug http://tfl.nu/z2q2
  Replies (6) Good night (923) Bad night (4576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird? http://tfl.nu/7neo
  Replies (26) Good night (3853) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n
  Replies (47) Good night (6522) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary. http://tfl.nu/o8eq
  Replies (5) Good night (834) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks http://tfl.nu/gqzi
  Replies (11) Good night (2993) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him http://tfl.nu/w6qf
  Replies (19) Good night (4893) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend? http://tfl.nu/xxqb
  Replies (49) Good night (662) Bad night (2653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why? http://tfl.nu/6teb
  Replies (6) Good night (1916) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (100) Good night (29418) Bad night (4461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students http://tfl.nu/zxwh
  Replies (8) Good night (4113) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745. http://tfl.nu/vvre
  Replies (4) Good night (1076) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today http://tfl.nu/xs2q
  Replies (9) Good night (886) Bad night (3338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/tpz4
  Replies (20) Good night (2474) Bad night (3218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick. http://tfl.nu/o2a1
  Replies (4) Good night (636) Bad night (3447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning. http://tfl.nu/hea7
  Replies (8) Good night (2889) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin. http://tfl.nu/2cdm
  Replies (15) Good night (2890) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx
  Replies (15) Good night (6005) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/jm8u
  Replies (19) Good night (4185) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed. http://tfl.nu/4nvh
  Replies (12) Good night (396) Bad night (4246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  can u get pink eye on your cock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): can u get pink eye on your cock? http://tfl.nu/aw6r
  Replies (19) Good night (382) Bad night (5273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us? http://tfl.nu/bgpp
  Replies (8) Good night (984) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  dude you need to get laid

  (906): View more from Michigan

  me?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months

  (906): View more from Michigan

  oh I thought you were talkin about me

  (906): View more from Michigan

  wait

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): dude you need to get laid (906): me? (616): no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months (906): oh I thought you were talkin about me (906): wait http://tfl.nu/self
  Replies (10) Good night (689) Bad night (1595)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control." http://tfl.nu/dz9s
  Replies (12) Good night (1412) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out. http://tfl.nu/yvz7
  Replies (12) Good night (2428) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/dd6j
  Replies (16) Good night (4273) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume. http://tfl.nu/d17l
  Replies (4) Good night (1768) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills http://tfl.nu/tv9l
  Replies (6) Good night (3900) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman. http://tfl.nu/wynx
  Replies (17) Good night (5889) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I." http://tfl.nu/5568
  Replies (25) Good night (4013) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating? (1-334): You are proof that most things are best left unsaid. http://tfl.nu/quhe
  Replies (31) Good night (700) Bad night (4814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now... http://tfl.nu/ndt5
  Replies (15) Good night (1933) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/e0xw
  Replies (57) Good night (3578) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend? http://tfl.nu/xot8
  Replies (23) Good night (379) Bad night (1666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz. http://tfl.nu/48gp
  Replies (22) Good night (2515) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her http://tfl.nu/h5zu
  Replies (10) Good night (4196) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table http://tfl.nu/ca9t
  Replies (23) Good night (1020) Bad night (4003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (14973) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Why are you speaking in third person?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Why are you speaking in third person? (1-902): Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore. http://tfl.nu/1fh5
  Replies (5) Good night (2958) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true. http://tfl.nu/azt6
  Replies (5) Good night (2375) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8525) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  one might say we're banned from that church

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): one might say we're banned from that church http://tfl.nu/l4dz
  Replies (5) Good night (3664) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl http://tfl.nu/lpki
  Replies (59) Good night (525) Bad night (11396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right. http://tfl.nu/x0n7
  Replies (6) Good night (3197) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized. http://tfl.nu/cbfh
  Replies (11) Good night (4656) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (62) Good night (10246) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around. http://tfl.nu/7cdc
  Replies (16) Good night (5175) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever (615): She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister http://tfl.nu/5zux
  Replies (88) Good night (7369) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized... http://tfl.nu/nrq1
  Replies (13) Good night (1535) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel http://tfl.nu/tjoe
  Replies (8) Good night (2523) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager. http://tfl.nu/qy4e
  Replies (11) Good night (2272) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name http://tfl.nu/48t9
  Replies (3) Good night (2891) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool. http://tfl.nu/01zv
  Replies (25) Good night (6910) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet. http://tfl.nu/onit
  Replies (20) Good night (4762) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers http://tfl.nu/4ij8
  Replies (64) Good night (8705) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I haven't been this sober since birth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I haven't been this sober since birth. http://tfl.nu/qg8c
  Replies (15) Good night (972) Bad night (2493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules. http://tfl.nu/2gj5
  Replies (15) Good night (5995) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high.. http://tfl.nu/0y5k
  Replies (19) Good night (4862) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead. http://tfl.nu/ixs0
  Replies (4) Good night (2027) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I deem it safe for us to drink together again.

  (1-928): View more from Arizona

  They dropped the charges?

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Yeppers. Come drink beers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I deem it safe for us to drink together again. (1-928): They dropped the charges? (928): Yeppers. Come drink beers. http://tfl.nu/va29
  Replies (8) Good night (2578) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless. http://tfl.nu/j4zx
  Replies (4) Good night (1893) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness. http://tfl.nu/88ay
  Replies (6) Good night (2170) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college http://tfl.nu/bc9j
  Replies (6) Good night (2119) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits http://tfl.nu/5p30
  Replies (8) Good night (1511) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark (1-678): ... http://tfl.nu/supo
  Replies (8) Good night (1237) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse http://tfl.nu/4qxw
  Replies (13) Good night (462) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend http://tfl.nu/biar
  Replies (5) Good night (1509) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like http://tfl.nu/re6o
  Replies (3) Good night (4511) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I faked an abortion last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I faked an abortion last night. http://tfl.nu/q8tt
  Replies (19) Good night (466) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate... http://tfl.nu/djvz
  Replies (5) Good night (522) Bad night (1878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party http://tfl.nu/iq5f
  Replies (12) Good night (1143) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle. http://tfl.nu/x2qg
  Replies (11) Good night (1328) Bad night (1812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid. http://tfl.nu/3gm4
  Replies (9) Good night (2319) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (7982) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life http://tfl.nu/vlqm
  Replies (48) Good night (5776) Bad night (2205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can? http://tfl.nu/psgn
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best http://tfl.nu/7i53
  Replies (7) Good night (1758) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick. http://tfl.nu/65g9
  Replies (10) Good night (2268) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan http://tfl.nu/3du7
  Replies (3) Good night (2093) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way. http://tfl.nu/sqy6
  Replies (5) Good night (1954) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling. http://tfl.nu/i2wo
  Replies (10) Good night (506) Bad night (2633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing http://tfl.nu/zjbc
  Replies (4) Good night (2736) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (5668) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control. http://tfl.nu/uxm4
  Replies (13) Good night (1414) Bad night (3421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed. http://tfl.nu/1h0x
  Replies (10) Good night (3155) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold. http://tfl.nu/adho
  Replies (4) Good night (1808) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic. http://tfl.nu/v0qg
  Replies (9) Good night (994) Bad night (2659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted http://tfl.nu/ojyr
  Replies (6) Good night (3269) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7286) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode http://tfl.nu/96an
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (2924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome http://tfl.nu/ziv6
  Replies (32) Good night (465) Bad night (8877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard. http://tfl.nu/xu4e
  Replies (9) Good night (3957) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can. http://tfl.nu/zubg
  Replies (26) Good night (943) Bad night (3759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid. http://tfl.nu/2kcb
  Replies (20) Good night (542) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer? http://tfl.nu/0t31
  Replies (10) Good night (2597) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list. http://tfl.nu/o8v1
  Replies (13) Good night (3639) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face... http://tfl.nu/mkbe
  Replies (3) Good night (1274) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked http://tfl.nu/pe02
  Replies (4) Good night (726) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night http://tfl.nu/1iuj
  Replies (6) Good night (683) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina. http://tfl.nu/uqet
  Replies (7) Good night (3532) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints. http://tfl.nu/0ly1
  Replies (5) Good night (3006) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god. http://tfl.nu/eynz
  Replies (19) Good night (776) Bad night (6386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons http://tfl.nu/lk3m
  Replies (37) Good night (522) Bad night (4534)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car http://tfl.nu/oon7
  Replies (29) Good night (4400) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures. http://tfl.nu/7qyy
  Replies (91) Good night (1016) Bad night (11452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Da na na, na na naa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background (202): Da na na, na na naa http://tfl.nu/9l4t
  Replies (35) Good night (3441) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet http://tfl.nu/enn5
  Replies (40) Good night (6114) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  you sound like my dream girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us? (312): you sound like my dream girl http://tfl.nu/joww
  Replies (44) Good night (4196) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon! http://tfl.nu/58y3
  Replies (9) Good night (3794) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124218) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them. http://tfl.nu/v4vg
  Replies (22) Good night (6424) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit. http://tfl.nu/vzj2
  Replies (12) Good night (5196) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious. http://tfl.nu/m393
  Replies (15) Good night (6583) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (18) Good night (8278) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart http://tfl.nu/ug8y
  Replies (27) Good night (16384) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb
  Replies (29) Good night (10895) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13668) Bad night (3306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28554) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt