I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
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turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
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