Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
