Texts From Last Night

Vundoyatt's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Most definitely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you? (901): Most definitely. http://tfl.nu/a94l
  Replies (4) Good night (607) Bad night (96)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off. http://tfl.nu/ojpk
  Replies (2) Good night (621) Bad night (203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet. http://tfl.nu/yw9h
  Replies (23) Good night (904) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals http://tfl.nu/rxm6
  Replies (15) Good night (3943) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore. (508): Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth http://tfl.nu/ay7w
  Replies (2) Good night (1481) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now. http://tfl.nu/6kpj
  Replies (17) Good night (569) Bad night (1996)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  Best Friends For Life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub. (1-815): Best Friends For Life. http://tfl.nu/ev62
  Replies (7) Good night (3309) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences. http://tfl.nu/tv4t
  Replies (2) Good night (1065) Bad night (238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  That d should have definitely been an s.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I just watched my mom get dick on Skype. (614): That d should have definitely been an s. http://tfl.nu/dkna
  Replies (9) Good night (938) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina. http://tfl.nu/c8ir
  Replies (9) Good night (1223) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex. http://tfl.nu/eztj
  Replies (8) Good night (1828) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon. http://tfl.nu/bx6h
  Replies (5) Good night (1617) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril http://tfl.nu/vmx1
  Replies (9) Good night (200) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5 http://tfl.nu/ljio
  Replies (14) Good night (2617) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7 http://tfl.nu/w1wq
  Replies (4) Good night (821) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption. http://tfl.nu/y4ti
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception http://tfl.nu/tr33
  Replies (5) Good night (441) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea

  (214): View more from Texas

  WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea (214): WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO http://tfl.nu/eu05
  Replies (2) Good night (1536) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount." http://tfl.nu/nxe2
  Replies (5) Good night (2528) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...

  (226): View more from Ontario

  did I at least say anything...

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom... (226): did I at least say anything... (519): you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living http://tfl.nu/vjjh
  Replies (6) Good night (1805) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees. http://tfl.nu/ugpg
  Replies (5) Good night (588) Bad night (2038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait! http://tfl.nu/9r4q
  Replies (10) Good night (2189) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet. http://tfl.nu/kmib
  Replies (12) Good night (3000) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know http://tfl.nu/qmd3
  Replies (7) Good night (662) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again http://tfl.nu/n0xl
  Replies (5) Good night (3034) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF. http://tfl.nu/3w9f
  Replies (12) Good night (1323) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul. http://tfl.nu/ljpv
  Replies (8) Good night (1191) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious. http://tfl.nu/ftps
  Replies (3) Good night (1306) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird. http://tfl.nu/yqaf
  Replies (18) Good night (2275) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers. http://tfl.nu/434l
  Replies (2) Good night (730) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it? (1-618): We wouldn't be friends if you didn't. http://tfl.nu/4027
  Replies (6) Good night (2739) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this. http://tfl.nu/xlyp
  Replies (6) Good night (3228) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Where was your thought process?

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  Drowning in my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Where was your thought process? (1-778): Drowning in my hangover. http://tfl.nu/hpz6
  Replies (1) Good night (1336) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy". http://tfl.nu/gh3y
  Replies (9) Good night (4175) Bad night (1325)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): 15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that... http://tfl.nu/f0xw
  Replies (4) Good night (1289) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way http://tfl.nu/0knp
  Replies (9) Good night (2756) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6160) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Career choice validated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
  Replies (51) Good night (9284) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away http://tfl.nu/rorw
  Replies (10) Good night (3431) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night. http://tfl.nu/5yhi
  Replies (6) Good night (406) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): What time do you think you'll be heterosexual? http://tfl.nu/40xd
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground? http://tfl.nu/za9i
  Replies (19) Good night (1041) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?" http://tfl.nu/i35w
  Replies (9) Good night (3491) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real http://tfl.nu/mhxe
  Replies (4) Good night (1122) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy. http://tfl.nu/l9z4
  Replies (19) Good night (3085) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  The problem with that is that my car has been stolen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): The problem with that is that my car has been stolen http://tfl.nu/g95b
  Replies (3) Good night (509) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
  Replies (10) Good night (1559) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know). http://tfl.nu/1aw3
  Replies (8) Good night (1087) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake. http://tfl.nu/hj3n
  Replies (10) Good night (989) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8468) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire http://tfl.nu/0try
  Replies (14) Good night (2316) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls http://tfl.nu/xuj7
  Replies (12) Good night (1586) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8451) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene. http://tfl.nu/fj0l
  Replies (38) Good night (6168) Bad night (1844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women. (570): You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force. http://tfl.nu/ij9q
  Replies (6) Good night (1012) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:) http://tfl.nu/gxuq
  Replies (2) Good night (1260) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  What can I say, I'm a giver.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): What can I say, I'm a giver. (1-608): Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian. http://tfl.nu/c94l
  Replies (11) Good night (1861) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  your completely serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby (617): your completely serious http://tfl.nu/nhex
  Replies (9) Good night (2259) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines. http://tfl.nu/30ox
  Replies (9) Good night (691) Bad night (1640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring. http://tfl.nu/jkgq
  Replies (7) Good night (557) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily. http://tfl.nu/1vv1
  Replies (3) Good night (3377) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication http://tfl.nu/e0p4
  Replies (11) Good night (2238) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw
  Replies (22) Good night (2877) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid http://tfl.nu/h9fh
  Replies (12) Good night (1531) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9840) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin http://tfl.nu/l2xr
  Replies (11) Good night (5747) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0
  Replies (16) Good night (3678) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation... http://tfl.nu/ehdf
  Replies (4) Good night (1289) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY. http://tfl.nu/ad4l
  Replies (11) Good night (1235) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down

  (253): View more from Washington

  ppsyche im wasted where are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down (253): ppsyche im wasted where are you http://tfl.nu/a8tg
  Replies (5) Good night (3437) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies. http://tfl.nu/g6fw
  Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Make me a sandwich

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Make me a sandwich (301): The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/al2a
  Replies (26) Good night (5905) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils. http://tfl.nu/mamt
  Replies (5) Good night (1510) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!! (717): Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly. http://tfl.nu/0dyl
  Replies (22) Good night (1368) Bad night (3134)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (74) Good night (3072) Bad night (9867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card http://tfl.nu/flh6
  Replies (27) Good night (3386) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE. http://tfl.nu/167y
  Replies (20) Good night (3180) Bad night (2628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready. http://tfl.nu/9xou
  Replies (33) Good night (7542) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (7843) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina. http://tfl.nu/1pki
  Replies (5) Good night (1792) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G http://tfl.nu/pzjk
  Replies (5) Good night (1629) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  DOWN HORMONES. BACK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): DOWN HORMONES. BACK. http://tfl.nu/nnqc
  Replies (4) Good night (1308) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): 4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen. http://tfl.nu/v3bi
  Replies (17) Good night (5296) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7806) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop. http://tfl.nu/tczb
  Replies (17) Good night (3278) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5197) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7
  Replies (5) Good night (1418) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/1e7j
  Replies (4) Good night (2909) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  This is going everywhere on the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES (1-505): This is going everywhere on the internet. http://tfl.nu/lcfu
  Replies (8) Good night (2950) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag http://tfl.nu/fc0e
  Replies (134) Good night (1329) Bad night (4805)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS http://tfl.nu/hivl
  Replies (4) Good night (1153) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face http://tfl.nu/zdd8
  Replies (11) Good night (1885) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Hey, what are you up to?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Hey, what are you up to? (802): Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds. (802): Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard. http://tfl.nu/ope5
  Replies (16) Good night (2412) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112200) Bad night (9722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago http://tfl.nu/ks9q
  Replies (22) Good night (621) Bad night (3431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv
  Replies (70) Good night (4984) Bad night (9452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me. http://tfl.nu/l4zf
  Replies (4) Good night (5109) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/xi75
  Replies (9) Good night (1806) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1824) Bad night (7761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (15572) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  my text book just quoted the cookie monster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): my text book just quoted the cookie monster http://tfl.nu/5m8t
  Replies (24) Good night (8226) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo http://tfl.nu/65rk
  Replies (15) Good night (2350) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  only in oregon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking (1-541): only in oregon http://tfl.nu/1bea
  Replies (156) Good night (7328) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more. http://tfl.nu/1w8z
  Replies (18) Good night (5319) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12588) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed. http://tfl.nu/g7od
  Replies (17) Good night (858) Bad night (3643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina. http://tfl.nu/rpnu
  Replies (46) Good night (7205) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16199) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace. http://tfl.nu/dayc
  Replies (4) Good night (1104) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Redeem this text for a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Redeem this text for a blowjob http://tfl.nu/3lns
  Replies (45) Good night (18451) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7
  Replies (40) Good night (2029) Bad night (2946)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight. http://tfl.nu/njgf
  Replies (7) Good night (1875) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch http://tfl.nu/pswe
  Replies (7) Good night (6742) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055
  Replies (49) Good night (1360) Bad night (7463)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver. http://tfl.nu/uanh
  Replies (4) Good night (2179) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that" http://tfl.nu/nqkj
  Replies (14) Good night (795) Bad night (4745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/j8z9
  Replies (32) Good night (5691) Bad night (3461)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
  Replies (13) Good night (2346) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck http://tfl.nu/4gk1
  Replies (72) Good night (4073) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  eat her like coffee?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers (1-720): eat her like coffee? http://tfl.nu/6p99
  Replies (19) Good night (1139) Bad night (3127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date... http://tfl.nu/r091
  Replies (10) Good night (1114) Bad night (3635)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (48) Good night (9295) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary. http://tfl.nu/11rw
  Replies (15) Good night (3580) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal. http://tfl.nu/j3ch
  Replies (14) Good night (2974) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade. http://tfl.nu/rkoj
  Replies (48) Good night (4130) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don`t remember Saturday, actually

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok, i dont remember 2007

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I don`t remember Saturday, actually (1-604): Its ok, i dont remember 2007 http://tfl.nu/egxh
  Replies (16) Good night (7580) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet http://tfl.nu/qhid
  Replies (12) Good night (4281) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong. http://tfl.nu/hgte
  Replies (48) Good night (686) Bad night (5690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?

  (408): View more from California

  JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Is this a genuine concern or are you just high? (408): JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN. http://tfl.nu/lbkb
  Replies (5) Good night (3681) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats. http://tfl.nu/rm40
  Replies (41) Good night (13981) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him. http://tfl.nu/tve9
  Replies (14) Good night (5538) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Fuck U Mike is a golden god.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Mike give steph back her phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Fuck U Mike is a golden god. (504): Mike give steph back her phone. http://tfl.nu/vnnr
  Replies (9) Good night (3171) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot. http://tfl.nu/lv0c
  Replies (101) Good night (1468) Bad night (4499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (1078) Bad night (1743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP. http://tfl.nu/f5ki
  Replies (3) Good night (3135) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike http://tfl.nu/sgnh
  Replies (23) Good night (1061) Bad night (7261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark. http://tfl.nu/i86g
  Replies (13) Good night (976) Bad night (2178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks http://tfl.nu/aadi
  Replies (16) Good night (2743) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom http://tfl.nu/suhd
  Replies (31) Good night (1557) Bad night (4136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish. http://tfl.nu/ywfu
  Replies (62) Good night (5357) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever. http://tfl.nu/sfg3
  Replies (31) Good night (1226) Bad night (4066) Order T-Shirt