Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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