Texts From Last Night

snowsurfer's Favorites Texts:

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour

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  (859): will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour http://tfl.nu/165f
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.

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  (856): It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain. http://tfl.nu/6yg4
  Replies (1) Good night (1068) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.

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  (256): Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier. http://tfl.nu/oxri
  Replies (5) Good night (2216) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

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  (520): She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist. http://tfl.nu/mma2
  Replies (35) Good night (4370) Bad night (1136)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.

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  (702): If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak. http://tfl.nu/8cng
  Replies (7) Good night (1316) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

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  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4731) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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  (314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz
  Replies (13) Good night (1454) Bad night (4190) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

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  (913): he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness. http://tfl.nu/hbrf
  Replies (10) Good night (901) Bad night (4526) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.

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  (716): I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing. http://tfl.nu/wqpy
  Replies (7) Good night (4070) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

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  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10409) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.

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  (301): just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month. http://tfl.nu/ntmv
  Replies (13) Good night (3298) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'

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  (585): eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch' http://tfl.nu/cs24
  Replies (7) Good night (2516) Bad night (1385) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry

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  (775): there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry http://tfl.nu/tonv
  Replies (9) Good night (902) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down

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  (580): true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down http://tfl.nu/hwj1
  Replies (5) Good night (1551) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap

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  (806): Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap http://tfl.nu/wtva
  Replies (5) Good night (1218) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.

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  (715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that. http://tfl.nu/f05r
  Replies (7) Good night (1254) Bad night (5304) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos

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  (315): A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos http://tfl.nu/8sxj
  Replies (7) Good night (1758) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?

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  (817): I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes? http://tfl.nu/cea8
  Replies (15) Good night (2729) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick

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  (423): Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick http://tfl.nu/qnn8
  Replies (21) Good night (1310) Bad night (1919) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

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  (201): there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen http://tfl.nu/0xt9
  Replies (17) Good night (5472) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (4991) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.

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  (540): hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one. http://tfl.nu/c556
  Replies (5) Good night (1580) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.

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  (518): She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands. http://tfl.nu/nkts
  Replies (5) Good night (1827) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

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  (808): white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month" http://tfl.nu/8vpl
  Replies (46) Good night (14666) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs

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  (567): She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs http://tfl.nu/brto
  Replies (9) Good night (2425) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.

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  (570): Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter. http://tfl.nu/84op
  Replies (11) Good night (1149) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

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  (918): We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime http://tfl.nu/yqbs
  Replies (24) Good night (4060) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.

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  (970): But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips. http://tfl.nu/821r
  Replies (27) Good night (2716) Bad night (1279) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

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  (520): normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees. http://tfl.nu/d0ki
  Replies (11) Good night (4055) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20

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  (443): the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20 http://tfl.nu/oq26
  Replies (16) Good night (1794) Bad night (3095) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

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  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (1076) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

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  (804): Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses. http://tfl.nu/pr98
  Replies (11) Good night (6480) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge

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  (518): Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge http://tfl.nu/f69s
  Replies (5) Good night (1386) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.

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  (919): It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion. http://tfl.nu/luwj
  Replies (9) Good night (2489) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

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  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

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  (214): You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight. http://tfl.nu/qr87
  Replies (23) Good night (9190) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls

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  (406): Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls http://tfl.nu/v5lo
  Replies (7) Good night (1771) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

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  (662): It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though http://tfl.nu/50vd
  Replies (15) Good night (4334) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.

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  (636): I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend. http://tfl.nu/x4zz
  Replies (14) Good night (6328) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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  (845): You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this. http://tfl.nu/x8z4
  Replies (15) Good night (2930) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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  (720): Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food http://tfl.nu/f7o2
  Replies (121) Good night (7458) Bad night (1536) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

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  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5996) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

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  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
  Replies (24) Good night (6925) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like

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  (973): Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like http://tfl.nu/re6o
  Replies (3) Good night (4763) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry

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  (301): I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry http://tfl.nu/c00a
  Replies (22) Good night (4437) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece

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  (713): I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece http://tfl.nu/wzfc
  Replies (15) Good night (1424) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

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  (716): speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms http://tfl.nu/8xzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4294) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.

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  (817): Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed. http://tfl.nu/4b3z
  Replies (24) Good night (3647) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.

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  (727): Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago. http://tfl.nu/0eob
  Replies (16) Good night (4279) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.

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  (818): You can't hide fat with big sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/r8gr
  Replies (46) Good night (741) Bad night (2933) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14364) Bad night (1861) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

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  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (18542) Bad night (1689)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

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  (256): I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics. http://tfl.nu/u31h
  Replies (25) Good night (5460) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab

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  (505): I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab http://tfl.nu/ok4v
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds

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  (508): your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds http://tfl.nu/5eyd
  Replies (11) Good night (4658) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?

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  (757): Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early? http://tfl.nu/0ctz
  Replies (19) Good night (1809) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts

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  (404): don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts http://tfl.nu/dnse
  Replies (13) Good night (4099) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

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  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (14278) Bad night (3600) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?

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  (321): I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad? http://tfl.nu/p7vn
  Replies (39) Good night (671) Bad night (4475) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  your thong is hanging out like whoa

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  (917): your thong is hanging out like whoa http://tfl.nu/zppd
  Replies (2) Good night (2353) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams

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  (774): This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams http://tfl.nu/o9iv
  Replies (5) Good night (1118) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

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  (678): My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now. http://tfl.nu/52n8
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me

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  (815): Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me http://tfl.nu/z1h9
  Replies (2) Good night (989) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.

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  (330): if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would. http://tfl.nu/x08w
  Replies (16) Good night (3878) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

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  (601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?" http://tfl.nu/96xf
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?

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  (765): She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards? http://tfl.nu/6kdc
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The beer is more important than you right now.

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  (778): The beer is more important than you right now. http://tfl.nu/guwa
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk

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  (330): 98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk http://tfl.nu/zq8d
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  (619): View more from California

  Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

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  (619): Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!" http://tfl.nu/5vjf
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  (916): View more from California

  Hey you

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?

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  (916): Hey you (732): You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up? http://tfl.nu/ejs0
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  (310): View more from California

  This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.

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  (310): This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to. http://tfl.nu/veao
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.

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  (864): Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being. http://tfl.nu/1bas
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.

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  (603): Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear. http://tfl.nu/x2nz
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

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  (773): I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/1xbr
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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  (814): First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half. http://tfl.nu/df8e
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work

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  (443): no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work http://tfl.nu/0acv
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.

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  (270): Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse. http://tfl.nu/tvyi
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Challenge Accepted

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  (216): Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight (440): Challenge Accepted http://tfl.nu/bdzo
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride

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  (702): Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride http://tfl.nu/xs6r
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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  (204): you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun" http://tfl.nu/u1ro
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  she was so not down for the gang bang

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  (240): she was so not down for the gang bang http://tfl.nu/snu1
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  (530): View more from California

  You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours

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  (530): You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours http://tfl.nu/u33l
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You want anything?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gatorade and you naked.

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  (802): You want anything? (610): Gatorade and you naked. http://tfl.nu/khdc
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"

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  (631): I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone" http://tfl.nu/bfbc
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.

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  (610): It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/cpyt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.

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  (604): 5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real. http://tfl.nu/vlat
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.

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  (571): I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone. http://tfl.nu/igvc
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch

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  (480): get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch http://tfl.nu/ncix
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.

  (818): View more from California

  Punch her baby.

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  (314): There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me. (818): Punch her baby. http://tfl.nu/ve2m
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

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  (407): I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity. http://tfl.nu/5ec6
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

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  (708): Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person. http://tfl.nu/v0my
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.

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  (770): I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter. http://tfl.nu/9rwz
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And your cock privileges have been revoked.

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  (778): Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck? (604): And your cock privileges have been revoked. http://tfl.nu/u4qr
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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  (864): A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier! http://tfl.nu/9qgj
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  What did I say?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,

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  (636): You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why. (847): What did I say? (636): Don't ask me questions while I have an erection, http://tfl.nu/e9w1
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  (408): View more from California

  booty call

  (925): View more from California

  i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

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  (408): booty call (925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy. http://tfl.nu/xuna
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  (903): View more from Texas

  One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

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  (903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore

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  (208): Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore http://tfl.nu/7jsm
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

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  (604): I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey. http://tfl.nu/1r0k
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends

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  (847): u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends http://tfl.nu/ywa9
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  (646): View more from New York

  the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.

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  (646): the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us. http://tfl.nu/x7fp
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Di me a solid and hit me with your car.

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  (715): Di me a solid and hit me with your car. http://tfl.nu/1rsf
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt

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  (732): Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt http://tfl.nu/9gi1
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  (972): View more from Texas

  she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.

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  (972): she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick. http://tfl.nu/7fj1
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?

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  (702): we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast. (1-702): do you want me to pick up budweiser instead? http://tfl.nu/46t6
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

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  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.

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  (407): I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum. http://tfl.nu/t1ss
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

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  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  None he's f-d

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  (313): Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have (1-313): None he's f-d http://tfl.nu/3q7m
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over

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  (706): You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over http://tfl.nu/x2t5
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."

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  (814): In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands." http://tfl.nu/l3oo
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.

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  (832): i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life. http://tfl.nu/zh94
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  (408): View more from California

  i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.

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  (408): i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now. http://tfl.nu/4x4e
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.

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  (618): apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer. http://tfl.nu/ok9n
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.

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  (503): Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare. http://tfl.nu/yoal
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.

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  (717): WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night. http://tfl.nu/710a
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.

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  (214): Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time. http://tfl.nu/18ab
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  (661): View more from California

  No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry.

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  (661): No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges... (661): Sorry. http://tfl.nu/vg1q
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

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  (517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it. http://tfl.nu/4nb9
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.

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  (217): Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with. http://tfl.nu/6u23
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  (516): View more from New York

  Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

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  (516): Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style. http://tfl.nu/uxcc
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.

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  (480): Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that. http://tfl.nu/wbxh
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  (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

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  (801): The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance http://tfl.nu/4nxj
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy

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  (302): I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy http://tfl.nu/6i8p
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

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  (949): Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick" http://tfl.nu/m9ln
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.

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  (262): foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/i9v2
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.

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  (708): My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with. http://tfl.nu/rm3v
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  (518): View more from New York

  Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play

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  (518): Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play http://tfl.nu/j01d
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, you are the most awesome.

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  (704): She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket. (1-704): I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court. (704): Dude, you are the most awesome. http://tfl.nu/z7ku
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  (518): View more from New York

  Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.

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  (518): Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass. http://tfl.nu/ms9b
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

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  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face

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  (630): Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face http://tfl.nu/tdg0
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  (214): View more from Texas

  come over

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  yeah sure

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10

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  (214): come over (1-214): yeah sure (1-214): wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/qceh
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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  (610): I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/xbiu
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  (914): View more from New York

  Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts

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  (914): Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts http://tfl.nu/cnqz
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  (406): View more from Montana

  she pinky promised me she was 18

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  (406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.

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  (802): Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye. http://tfl.nu/qfl2
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  (518): View more from New York

  im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'

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  (518): im in his phone as 'great ass to tap' http://tfl.nu/xhkl
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

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  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

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  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
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  (305): View more from Florida

  What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..

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  (305): What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on.. http://tfl.nu/a0r6
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  (561): View more from Florida

  We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?

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  (561): We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us? http://tfl.nu/dqdu
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you

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  (313): You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you http://tfl.nu/5wuc
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"

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  (817): Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent" http://tfl.nu/6trp
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  (845): View more from New York

  I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.

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  (845): I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick. http://tfl.nu/cye7
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.

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  (863): Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day. http://tfl.nu/qpfj
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.

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  (907): Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/278e
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

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  (303): who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make http://tfl.nu/gmr8
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back

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  (912): Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back http://tfl.nu/294t
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

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  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

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  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
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