yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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