Texts From Last Night

fmeuser's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me (1-313): restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch http://tfl.nu/60qu
  Replies (10) Good night (543) Bad night (1563)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!" http://tfl.nu/c7ck
  Replies (64) Good night (9646) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario http://tfl.nu/9b6y
  Replies (3) Good night (1770) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I love you

  (720): View more from Colorado

  are you drunk

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yes but I def love you, we should get married

  (720): View more from Colorado

  But I'm Jewish

  (440): View more from Ohio

  embrace Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus http://tfl.nu/v32c
  Replies (9) Good night (2448) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby.... http://tfl.nu/2jxq
  Replies (16) Good night (2496) Bad night (3544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration http://tfl.nu/y2rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1459) Bad night (2289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (11) Good night (4514) Bad night (1171)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/xjnu
  Replies (14) Good night (6680) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just want to hang out with her.

  (916): View more from California

  You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just want to hang out with her. (916): You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you. http://tfl.nu/9qvp
  Replies (24) Good night (1509) Bad night (3494)
• Favorite

  (738): View more from

  I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (738): I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog. http://tfl.nu/tlok
  Replies (22) Good night (799) Bad night (3614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Every man deserves at least one moment like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis (1-703): Every man deserves at least one moment like that http://tfl.nu/aq3j
  Replies (27) Good night (11201) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  are you so shy because you have an std?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): are you so shy because you have an std? http://tfl.nu/9nrw
  Replies (8) Good night (327) Bad night (3012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10074) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.

  (1-831): View more from California

  stop. you already have a dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company. (1-831): stop. you already have a dog http://tfl.nu/bxqv
  Replies (8) Good night (712) Bad night (1598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Five things that make you perfect. Go. (1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/ni7m
  Replies (25) Good night (5895) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  just survived the first fart of the relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): just survived the first fart of the relationship. http://tfl.nu/r3p3
  Replies (15) Good night (3668) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank http://tfl.nu/98ag
  Replies (59) Good night (4928) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery. http://tfl.nu/036p
  Replies (6) Good night (1160) Bad night (1901)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club http://tfl.nu/6yea
  Replies (8) Good night (4900) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon. http://tfl.nu/6d9i
  Replies (13) Good night (6542) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night http://tfl.nu/nrlr
  Replies (12) Good night (6667) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5501) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): 3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song http://tfl.nu/o6l8
  Replies (6) Good night (2296) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes. http://tfl.nu/co11
  Replies (12) Good night (3047) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done. (1-215): I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together. http://tfl.nu/q0m2
  Replies (19) Good night (4483) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (21) Good night (9586) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn. http://tfl.nu/zs8h
  Replies (2) Good night (4454) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48649) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e
  Replies (20) Good night (6896) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26336) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards http://tfl.nu/kggv
  Replies (7) Good night (2602) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive. http://tfl.nu/9k83
  Replies (22) Good night (677) Bad night (5196)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  woah 15?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know! what is this dateline?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation. (1-978): woah 15? (978): i know! what is this dateline? http://tfl.nu/8i0q
  Replies (12) Good night (430) Bad night (1672)
• Favorite

  (769): View more from Mississippi

  she said she likes her vagina punished

  (1-769): View more from Mississippi

  being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (769): she said she likes her vagina punished (1-769): being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough http://tfl.nu/ts79
  Replies (35) Good night (1435) Bad night (6749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Hope the move went well! I'll miss you! (832): you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there. http://tfl.nu/n7dn
  Replies (21) Good night (1061) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (7936) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious http://tfl.nu/xtk1
  Replies (47) Good night (2379) Bad night (10769)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion http://tfl.nu/5o7j
  Replies (15) Good night (4809) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/3qtb
  Replies (6) Good night (5317) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop http://tfl.nu/8y0s
  Replies (19) Good night (5049) Bad night (2308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just cropdusted the office

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just cropdusted the office http://tfl.nu/i6zb
  Replies (16) Good night (2008) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me http://tfl.nu/hrbu
  Replies (93) Good night (4350) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2 http://tfl.nu/q6v7
  Replies (119) Good night (6372) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (16) Good night (7385) Bad night (1688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

  (352): View more from Florida

  And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye. (352): And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave. http://tfl.nu/f5gq
  Replies (8) Good night (4671) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  got weed?

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

  (206): View more from Washington

  sorry mom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): got weed? (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone. (206): sorry mom... http://tfl.nu/04mv
  Replies (157) Good night (1756) Bad night (17171)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2726) Bad night (4497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind. http://tfl.nu/e2m5
  Replies (25) Good night (4532) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  wtf, did you fuck a retard?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape (617): wtf, did you fuck a retard?! http://tfl.nu/q1iv
  Replies (11) Good night (616) Bad night (3896)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36751) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho http://tfl.nu/t3tj
  Replies (11) Good night (3613) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb. http://tfl.nu/h3os
  Replies (4) Good night (3706) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv
  Replies (70) Good night (4790) Bad night (9193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back. http://tfl.nu/vsft
  Replies (22) Good night (339) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in? http://tfl.nu/ejnj
  Replies (25) Good night (6415) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (6775) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out. http://tfl.nu/g42w
  Replies (38) Good night (477) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv (1-405): we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina http://tfl.nu/dapc
  Replies (24) Good night (2159) Bad night (4987)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf
  Replies (28) Good night (7602) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs http://tfl.nu/cgkd
  Replies (58) Good night (669) Bad night (11684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji http://tfl.nu/f9w1
  Replies (9) Good night (945) Bad night (1997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville http://tfl.nu/omyo
  Replies (13) Good night (2907) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck (312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/odqf
  Replies (72) Good night (1731) Bad night (8808)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you http://tfl.nu/vy0a
  Replies (21) Good night (4757) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real http://tfl.nu/vc07
  Replies (62) Good night (7539) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
  Replies (35) Good night (7270) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick. http://tfl.nu/3ndf
  Replies (15) Good night (1428) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl (1-940): you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent. http://tfl.nu/wzvk
  Replies (47) Good night (1979) Bad night (5773)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I think we should see other people.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Already working on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I think we should see other people. (1-207): Already working on it. http://tfl.nu/a8l6
  Replies (11) Good night (5575) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  That's because you are an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot. (1-417): That's because you are an idiot. http://tfl.nu/6gwl
  Replies (17) Good night (1347) Bad night (4477)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30380) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Your an asshole

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Actually, it's "you're an asshole"

  (954): View more from Florida

  My point exactly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Your an asshole (1-954): Actually, it's "you're an asshole" (954): My point exactly http://tfl.nu/txzi
  Replies (47) Good night (3158) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  oh how i love working at summer camp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week. (401): oh how i love working at summer camp. http://tfl.nu/jjrc
  Replies (36) Good night (2968) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  b/c u have herpes

  (310): View more from California

  No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss? (770): b/c u have herpes (310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole. http://tfl.nu/unxh
  Replies (19) Good night (720) Bad night (5204)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  $22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  math is fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): $22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency. (1-973): math is fun http://tfl.nu/2txp
  Replies (31) Good night (4953) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life http://tfl.nu/kko9
  Replies (21) Good night (6322) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  no

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit (1-901): no (901): the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table (901): im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE http://tfl.nu/q3wo
  Replies (12) Good night (283) Bad night (1161)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9" http://tfl.nu/v0g1
  Replies (52) Good night (4214) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously i just wanna be friends

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  pass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): seriously i just wanna be friends (1-508): pass http://tfl.nu/b8w4
  Replies (39) Good night (1140) Bad night (5536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us. http://tfl.nu/5cyi
  Replies (12) Good night (5533) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever (615): She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister http://tfl.nu/5zux
  Replies (88) Good night (7369) Bad night (1074)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (644) Bad night (3278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever. http://tfl.nu/o6xg
  Replies (31) Good night (376) Bad night (5033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76738) Bad night (3807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness... http://tfl.nu/ikgx
  Replies (21) Good night (778) Bad night (5361)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18690) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  People still let you watch their kids?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer. (1-970): People still let you watch their kids? http://tfl.nu/8t1p
  Replies (18) Good night (5761) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go. http://tfl.nu/oxgw
  Replies (2) Good night (2146) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
  Replies (49) Good night (979) Bad night (5791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation http://tfl.nu/2ie5
  Replies (35) Good night (581) Bad night (4335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out. http://tfl.nu/g5y4
  Replies (14) Good night (407) Bad night (6059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1002) Bad night (7950)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9330) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket? http://tfl.nu/lptb
  Replies (48) Good night (1392) Bad night (6923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
  Replies (25) Good night (2080) Bad night (10547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You are the reason we need health care reform

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger (708): You are the reason we need health care reform http://tfl.nu/m8x5
  Replies (55) Good night (2749) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
  Replies (32) Good night (9057) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room. http://tfl.nu/wji4
  Replies (12) Good night (405) Bad night (4523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.

  (214): View more from Texas

  kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.

  (903): View more from Texas

  I'll be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem. (214): kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night. (903): I'll be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/kykh
  Replies (19) Good night (5542) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up http://tfl.nu/jzw8
  Replies (30) Good night (867) Bad night (4575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations http://tfl.nu/81ve
  Replies (7) Good night (490) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  so you're single again?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  yea but it was worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face (1-334): so you're single again? (334): yea but it was worth it http://tfl.nu/2tzr
  Replies (46) Good night (4609) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock. http://tfl.nu/zr1r
  Replies (15) Good night (3183) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (678) Bad night (3679)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....

  (512): View more from Texas

  oh shit that had to have been awkward

  (210): View more from Texas

  i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it..... (512): oh shit that had to have been awkward (210): i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for http://tfl.nu/r8iv
  Replies (9) Good night (617) Bad night (3179)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (37) Good night (16691) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window. http://tfl.nu/e2g8
  Replies (14) Good night (3869) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me." http://tfl.nu/89qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1444) Bad night (4494)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/zuya
  Replies (29) Good night (7917) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16987) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious http://tfl.nu/z2uj
  Replies (7) Good night (809) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad. http://tfl.nu/pphf
  Replies (16) Good night (7994) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever. http://tfl.nu/26l9
  Replies (23) Good night (6771) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits" http://tfl.nu/grvc
  Replies (45) Good night (3619) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude. http://tfl.nu/5gs4
  Replies (33) Good night (3739) Bad night (2255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century. http://tfl.nu/yuyb
  Replies (14) Good night (3709) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn http://tfl.nu/q2bp
  Replies (70) Good night (3110) Bad night (4902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck. http://tfl.nu/0ivr
  Replies (10) Good night (4320) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it. http://tfl.nu/867y
  Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69183) Bad night (1983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  who do you think you are?

  (407): View more from Florida

  someone who doesn't ask that question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): who do you think you are? (407): someone who doesn't ask that question http://tfl.nu/uw7n
  Replies (4) Good night (3026) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking. http://tfl.nu/dn0l
  Replies (23) Good night (6321) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm in his phone as sushi coochie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i'm in his phone as sushi coochie http://tfl.nu/9tzp
  Replies (30) Good night (811) Bad night (6435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  please don't let me die tonight

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what have you done for me lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): please don't let me die tonight (860): what have you done for me lately? http://tfl.nu/9vcn
  Replies (18) Good night (4542) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (12537) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11374) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1470) Bad night (10345)