If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
