$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
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