Texts From Last Night

babyyoushine's Favorites Texts:

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.

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  (630): I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate. http://tfl.nu/tob7
  Replies (18) Good night (5055) Bad night (1621)
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  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

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  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4139) Bad night (8413) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?

  (806): View more from Texas

  i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.

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  (214): you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him? (806): i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem. http://tfl.nu/wekp
  Replies (13) Good night (4301) Bad night (977)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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  (360): It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick http://tfl.nu/navf
  Replies (28) Good night (797) Bad night (8486) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

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  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (4740) Bad night (3079)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

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  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10284) Bad night (957)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.

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  (334): she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/rmvr
  Replies (37) Good night (1174) Bad night (5290) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

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  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5727) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

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  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (1905) Bad night (8512) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

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  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11520) Bad night (1244)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

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  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1236) Bad night (5603)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

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  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (7806) Bad night (965)
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  (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

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  (661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t
  Replies (18) Good night (6445) Bad night (723)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

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  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36402) Bad night (1392)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

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  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
  Replies (11) Good night (1069) Bad night (4483) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

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  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (256) Good night (7920) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it

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  (720): its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it http://tfl.nu/rdim
  Replies (15) Good night (851) Bad night (4450) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

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  (502): I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened... http://tfl.nu/apd0
  Replies (17) Good night (5563) Bad night (875)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?

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  (408): I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access? http://tfl.nu/pvq3
  Replies (27) Good night (5002) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

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  (702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07
  Replies (15) Good night (5640) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

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  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6469) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (9508) Bad night (553)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

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  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (17258) Bad night (873)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

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  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (5758) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me

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  (231): my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring (989): i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me http://tfl.nu/18pl
  Replies (21) Good night (6501) Bad night (713)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  scale of 1-10 how well do I give head

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.

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  (907): scale of 1-10 how well do I give head (1-907): 5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish. http://tfl.nu/uclv
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  Um.. is it mean if I say yes?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"

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  (623): Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years? (1-623): Um.. is it mean if I say yes? (623): How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?" http://tfl.nu/602v
  Replies (35) Good night (470) Bad night (2179)
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  (716): View more from New York

  why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary

  (716): View more from New York

  i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal

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  (716): why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross (860): its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary (716): i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal http://tfl.nu/td08
  Replies (70) Good night (2557) Bad night (479)
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  (818): View more from California

  i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

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  (818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore. http://tfl.nu/kjzo
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Where were you when I was single???

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Still in diapers.

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  (617): Where were you when I was single??? (1-617): Still in diapers. http://tfl.nu/ngk8
  Replies (15) Good night (1223) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Wish you were here....

  (734): View more from Michigan

  And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?

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  (734): Wish you were here.... (734): And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it? http://tfl.nu/j5nc
  Replies (36) Good night (1721) Bad night (6599)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

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  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (44) Good night (8618) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom

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  (617): Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.' (617): we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom http://tfl.nu/ju2m
  Replies (22) Good night (663) Bad night (2409)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  you definitely have a few illegitimate kids

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

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  (407): you definitely have a few illegitimate kids (1-407): probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine http://tfl.nu/6feu
  Replies (32) Good night (3320) Bad night (1384)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.

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  (239): just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried. http://tfl.nu/7tbj
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (54) Good night (5936) Bad night (802)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  you are hot. that is all.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  who is this?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  the delivery driver from silvermine.

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  (480): you are hot. that is all. (1-480): who is this? (480): the delivery driver from silvermine. http://tfl.nu/dvq3
  Replies (32) Good night (5320) Bad night (1256)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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  (480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a
  Replies (38) Good night (6969) Bad night (423)
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  (714): View more from California

  So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

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  (714): So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him http://tfl.nu/b7ho
  Replies (113) Good night (7493) Bad night (954)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  come over

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  (402): hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face. (1-402): come over http://tfl.nu/v8ye
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

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  (480): I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE! http://tfl.nu/0hwt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

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  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
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  (530): View more from California

  both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.

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  (530): both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed. http://tfl.nu/da2p
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you

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  (317): so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you http://tfl.nu/m0v0
  Replies (31) Good night (7665) Bad night (1062)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis

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  (404): Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis http://tfl.nu/8wlo
  Replies (8) Good night (3948) Bad night (493)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

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  (902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9
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  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

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  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19374) Bad night (642)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

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  (412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

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  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9441) Bad night (690)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  pat the guy you slept with

  (314): View more from Missouri

  still need a last name

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  (314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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  (256): Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk http://tfl.nu/ail4
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

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  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

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  (970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi
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  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

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  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Hookers taste better with whip cream

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fair enough

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  (417): Hookers taste better with whip cream (816): Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too (417): Fair enough http://tfl.nu/svnz
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day

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  (478): I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day http://tfl.nu/i2uc
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it

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  (205): it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it http://tfl.nu/0her
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.

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  (817): Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed. http://tfl.nu/4b3z
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early

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  (412): For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early http://tfl.nu/4ftf
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?

  (518): View more from New York

  No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.

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  (313): Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween? (518): No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate. http://tfl.nu/4msk
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

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  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.

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  (902): He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock. http://tfl.nu/ce76
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.

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  (623): I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit. http://tfl.nu/pl0y
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.

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  (623): everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls. http://tfl.nu/6oxa
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  (212): View more from New York

  You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

  (475): View more from Connecticut

  Yeah?

  (212): View more from New York

  Stuck it in his pooper.

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  (212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911
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  (916): View more from California

  We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.

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  (916): We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame. http://tfl.nu/u712
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

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  (859): Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right. http://tfl.nu/hrwa
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

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  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

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  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.

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  (803): I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do. http://tfl.nu/xze3
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

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  (513): there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends" http://tfl.nu/u7q7
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  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

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  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

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  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

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  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

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  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...

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  (501): so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm... http://tfl.nu/bp9a
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.

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  (469): Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate. http://tfl.nu/3qld
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.

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  (954): We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles. http://tfl.nu/w60i
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  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off

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  (445): We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off http://tfl.nu/9bxu
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  (516): View more from New York

  You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.

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  (516): You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit. http://tfl.nu/xfz2
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

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  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

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  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

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  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  of course. lets lasso hookers.

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  (860): of course. lets lasso hookers. http://tfl.nu/i5g9
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.

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  (201): i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed. http://tfl.nu/ojs9
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

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  (605): remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones http://tfl.nu/3i5q
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

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  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Does God suck his dick?

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  (270): He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God." (1-270): Does God suck his dick? http://tfl.nu/w42a
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

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  (231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back

  (914): View more from New York

  that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart

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  (908): i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back (914): that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart http://tfl.nu/d09e
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ha well at least you have goals.

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  (208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong. (208): ha well at least you have goals. http://tfl.nu/c71p
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

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  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does

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  (617): I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does http://tfl.nu/o8tg
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.

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  (715): I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one. http://tfl.nu/ogtf
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

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  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé

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  (847): you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé http://tfl.nu/voe0
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  (631): View more from New York

  just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.

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  (631): just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high. http://tfl.nu/w9mm
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  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

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  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

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  (859): you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'. http://tfl.nu/aatj
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.

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  (901): I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class. http://tfl.nu/yhk3
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  why is allison so mad at me??

  (469): View more from Texas

  me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  crap..

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  (318): why is allison so mad at me?? (469): me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!". (318): crap.. http://tfl.nu/7nes
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

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  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  whose oscar?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.

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  (203): Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone (1-203): whose oscar? (203): the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month. http://tfl.nu/bpyh
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  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

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  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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  (610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

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  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

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  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

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  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

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  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
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  (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

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  (425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference. http://tfl.nu/xg4w
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

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  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?

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  (717): where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from? http://tfl.nu/obbh
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.

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  (252): he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox. http://tfl.nu/v0mm
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

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  (303): who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make http://tfl.nu/gmr8
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back

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  (618): remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back http://tfl.nu/7hrx
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  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

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  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
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  (707): View more from California

  he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?

  (1-707): View more from California

  logic in its finest

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  (707): he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i? (1-707): logic in its finest http://tfl.nu/z7qz
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  yes... and buy you lunch

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  (216): wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer? (330): yes... and buy you lunch http://tfl.nu/rnfb
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

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  (973): you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere. http://tfl.nu/70ri
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