yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
