You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
either way he was missing a nipple.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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