Texts From Last Night

nikkerbakker's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6620) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand http://tfl.nu/om9i
  Replies (8) Good night (4347) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (5735) Bad night (1376)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4560) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up http://tfl.nu/qgka
  Replies (8) Good night (742) Bad night (3141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine. http://tfl.nu/yvwg
  Replies (15) Good night (880) Bad night (5106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan. http://tfl.nu/gm7k
  Replies (11) Good night (1300) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant. http://tfl.nu/kaeb
  Replies (27) Good night (932) Bad night (5758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/9bmt
  Replies (34) Good night (4048) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy
  Replies (23) Good night (2002) Bad night (4265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting http://tfl.nu/qjw5
  Replies (7) Good night (936) Bad night (3707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet. http://tfl.nu/nifm
  Replies (21) Good night (1636) Bad night (3804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (7826) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (35) Good night (14541) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names. (901): BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that http://tfl.nu/oy20
  Replies (26) Good night (1540) Bad night (3786)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12123) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out. http://tfl.nu/w208
  Replies (17) Good night (1086) Bad night (8554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (9773) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (6965) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more. http://tfl.nu/r5mk
  Replies (6) Good night (6477) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah
  Replies (31) Good night (5207) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do. http://tfl.nu/qkwv
  Replies (16) Good night (693) Bad night (3437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking. http://tfl.nu/uq3n
  Replies (47) Good night (6223) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7292) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (4556) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants. http://tfl.nu/uu5r
  Replies (16) Good night (4745) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point. http://tfl.nu/pwj5
  Replies (28) Good night (4825) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (5963) Bad night (11499)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS' http://tfl.nu/cd1u
  Replies (20) Good night (5411) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit. http://tfl.nu/31my
  Replies (18) Good night (539) Bad night (3701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker http://tfl.nu/yzaq
  Replies (25) Good night (6099) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa
  Replies (44) Good night (7850) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part. http://tfl.nu/1dsi
  Replies (27) Good night (7623) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard. http://tfl.nu/weqf
  Replies (42) Good night (5921) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck. http://tfl.nu/ymmz
  Replies (24) Good night (4074) Bad night (1853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off. http://tfl.nu/4dsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7291) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO. http://tfl.nu/ip2n
  Replies (27) Good night (8015) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke. http://tfl.nu/as75
  Replies (8) Good night (800) Bad night (4209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (10505) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
  Replies (36) Good night (4352) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16197) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
  Replies (43) Good night (5945) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12290) Bad night (4896)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites. http://tfl.nu/ny6g
  Replies (8) Good night (4321) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank. http://tfl.nu/gxu8
  Replies (10) Good night (4804) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!! http://tfl.nu/9t2j
  Replies (60) Good night (5962) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again http://tfl.nu/33pv
  Replies (3) Good night (1449) Bad night (2381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values. http://tfl.nu/kv5s
  Replies (50) Good night (1901) Bad night (2902)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1129) Bad night (4735)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/ccnb
  Replies (13) Good night (3263) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (36) Good night (8428) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit" http://tfl.nu/xujf
  Replies (8) Good night (4147) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America. http://tfl.nu/3zlb
  Replies (13) Good night (5636) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash. http://tfl.nu/pn5n
  Replies (31) Good night (5437) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day. http://tfl.nu/7t04
  Replies (37) Good night (5687) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (9961) Bad night (1726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit. http://tfl.nu/jcis
  Replies (16) Good night (4554) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2070) Bad night (7090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (9547) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex? http://tfl.nu/35cd
  Replies (26) Good night (811) Bad night (4516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/j8z9
  Replies (30) Good night (5482) Bad night (3287)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (31) Good night (6826) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (100) Good night (2692) Bad night (11567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be. http://tfl.nu/j7k8
  Replies (16) Good night (4524) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj
  Replies (15) Good night (1312) Bad night (4866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again. http://tfl.nu/x69l
  Replies (24) Good night (1069) Bad night (4926)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age. http://tfl.nu/rqe0
  Replies (25) Good night (1133) Bad night (5186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron." http://tfl.nu/0r6l
  Replies (26) Good night (5725) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It'd be like medium rare by now.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It'd be like medium rare by now. (1-419): I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/d8mh
  Replies (9) Good night (1443) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water. http://tfl.nu/9vgl
  Replies (6) Good night (4187) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch http://tfl.nu/nghk
  Replies (11) Good night (3411) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (13400) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation. http://tfl.nu/0p0c
  Replies (6) Good night (799) Bad night (2729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. http://tfl.nu/aaag
  Replies (16) Good night (5012) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122
  Replies (23) Good night (8551) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july? http://tfl.nu/9gcl
  Replies (42) Good night (6626) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in? http://tfl.nu/ejnj
  Replies (25) Good night (6415) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thats actually pretty good logic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars" (412): thats actually pretty good logic http://tfl.nu/znkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5747) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had http://tfl.nu/e6dk
  Replies (15) Good night (4519) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer
  Replies (25) Good night (7138) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could http://tfl.nu/ea9t
  Replies (4) Good night (3109) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/dv3c
  Replies (41) Good night (6830) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ. http://tfl.nu/a72f
  Replies (6) Good night (5256) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward http://tfl.nu/zi7g
  Replies (10) Good night (5451) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  you should give me head with plastic fangs in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): you should give me head with plastic fangs in http://tfl.nu/ku60
  Replies (58) Good night (1943) Bad night (8361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life. (732): sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner http://tfl.nu/i1p0
  Replies (26) Good night (1054) Bad night (5253)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip http://tfl.nu/r0us
  Replies (35) Good night (2027) Bad night (6498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx
  Replies (22) Good night (1874) Bad night (5523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy. http://tfl.nu/an4v
  Replies (30) Good night (1253) Bad night (5504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night. http://tfl.nu/2r4z
  Replies (6) Good night (4071) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger. http://tfl.nu/1s95
  Replies (45) Good night (1043) Bad night (14795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13380) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy. http://tfl.nu/zkq5
  Replies (23) Good night (1918) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen http://tfl.nu/pvgu
  Replies (34) Good night (1131) Bad night (8291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope. http://tfl.nu/lawp
  Replies (25) Good night (4977) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (10761) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10148) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud? http://tfl.nu/6q2n
  Replies (30) Good night (8693) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this? http://tfl.nu/9ow4
  Replies (8) Good night (6960) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (30) Good night (3913) Bad night (4794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain' http://tfl.nu/2rma
  Replies (28) Good night (1378) Bad night (7341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in http://tfl.nu/l275
  Replies (5) Good night (3872) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes. http://tfl.nu/56a9
  Replies (19) Good night (8552) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw
  Replies (24) Good night (8313) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance http://tfl.nu/iqmo
  Replies (17) Good night (4997) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane. http://tfl.nu/zl9e
  Replies (18) Good night (6110) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts. http://tfl.nu/kf4k
  Replies (16) Good night (4625) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/swnn
  Replies (15) Good night (4132) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have. http://tfl.nu/wctv
  Replies (30) Good night (1236) Bad night (5603)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this" http://tfl.nu/g0yg
  Replies (9) Good night (1759) Bad night (6024)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12208) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/ub1d
  Replies (16) Good night (3195) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7488) Bad night (1572)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (7806) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid. http://tfl.nu/amso
  Replies (56) Good night (1097) Bad night (8429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj
  Replies (23) Good night (6648) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot http://tfl.nu/ipdo
  Replies (11) Good night (6513) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt