Texts From Last Night

candy29's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (1949) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines. http://tfl.nu/3y2e
  Replies (21) Good night (2213) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity. http://tfl.nu/5ec6
  Replies (23) Good night (4265) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz http://tfl.nu/2w6v
  Replies (18) Good night (2576) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just know... :) goodntight

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just know... :) goodntight (1-281): Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too. http://tfl.nu/kxmt
  Replies (17) Good night (2945) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady. http://tfl.nu/u3v1
  Replies (8) Good night (3845) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (5846) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!" http://tfl.nu/z3ws
  Replies (10) Good night (3655) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (9268) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis http://tfl.nu/8a3h
  Replies (12) Good night (2934) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals. http://tfl.nu/kw2o
  Replies (13) Good night (4833) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is. http://tfl.nu/mbfy
  Replies (6) Good night (3228) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis http://tfl.nu/3xfb
  Replies (13) Good night (2276) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process. http://tfl.nu/qg86
  Replies (10) Good night (4411) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (52) Good night (8259) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair? http://tfl.nu/daid
  Replies (30) Good night (10228) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (10696) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums. http://tfl.nu/0487
  Replies (37) Good night (7055) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I won't be sarcastic... just naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I won't be sarcastic... just naked http://tfl.nu/3vff
  Replies (6) Good night (4486) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it http://tfl.nu/jk9d
  Replies (18) Good night (9230) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (16415) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized http://tfl.nu/gtwy
  Replies (53) Good night (4694) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs. http://tfl.nu/b4sz
  Replies (13) Good night (4322) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun. http://tfl.nu/fiqf
  Replies (10) Good night (4108) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34727) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d
  Replies (307) Good night (10619) Bad night (5240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19435) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!

  (408): View more from California

  Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner! (408): Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland... http://tfl.nu/1sp2
  Replies (41) Good night (3067) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48991) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve. http://tfl.nu/el01
  Replies (28) Good night (5804) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): mustard is like jesus in yellow tights http://tfl.nu/uvec
  Replies (9) Good night (1076) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30 http://tfl.nu/ukox
  Replies (15) Good night (5772) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off. http://tfl.nu/irzu
  Replies (22) Good night (2647) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13969) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (116) Good night (37593) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of. http://tfl.nu/c6bd
  Replies (21) Good night (9208) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16026) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (6767) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (23) Good night (11259) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable http://tfl.nu/dvma
  Replies (14) Good night (5773) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is. http://tfl.nu/gvpy
  Replies (15) Good night (7851) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5548) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (5757) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job. http://tfl.nu/3lp9
  Replies (13) Good night (5392) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10802) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12660) Bad night (1416)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ur6c
  Replies (20) Good night (1834) Bad night (5150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick. http://tfl.nu/npkp
  Replies (43) Good night (7657) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  sorry. that wasn't for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep (732): sorry. that wasn't for you http://tfl.nu/2avz
  Replies (31) Good night (1783) Bad night (4938)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Let's get naked and see who's stronger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Let's get naked and see who's stronger. http://tfl.nu/4286
  Replies (8) Good night (1452) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step http://tfl.nu/hwjf
  Replies (24) Good night (3093) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (8668) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother. http://tfl.nu/z8j5
  Replies (28) Good night (1413) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it. http://tfl.nu/ii10
  Replies (23) Good night (4597) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8023) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukm0
  Replies (20) Good night (4460) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4496) Bad night (8803)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm" http://tfl.nu/ynyp
  Replies (64) Good night (6183) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm home, then i'll come over

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa

  (514): View more from Quebec

  nvm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i'm home, then i'll come over (1-514): ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa (514): nvm. http://tfl.nu/kqkd
  Replies (40) Good night (783) Bad night (2872)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
  Replies (58) Good night (14054) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17049) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing. http://tfl.nu/e07a
  Replies (21) Good night (6231) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.

  (376): View more from

  you are insane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere. (376): you are insane http://tfl.nu/nfoh
  Replies (12) Good night (3206) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (36481) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19564) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him? http://tfl.nu/bxd1
  Replies (24) Good night (1595) Bad night (4886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6004) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (5886) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (20575) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (45) Good night (18502) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed http://tfl.nu/x39u
  Replies (63) Good night (736) Bad night (10657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore http://tfl.nu/d307
  Replies (127) Good night (876) Bad night (3645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning http://tfl.nu/bect
  Replies (32) Good night (14866) Bad night (2048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex' http://tfl.nu/kqne
  Replies (63) Good night (6740) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I guess God knew he was going to be bald...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh? (832): I guess God knew he was going to be bald... http://tfl.nu/ipcy
  Replies (35) Good night (3037) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49051) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm
  Replies (55) Good night (3050) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wanted to see November 5, 1985

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima (832): I wanted to see November 5, 1985 http://tfl.nu/o133
  Replies (19) Good night (3814) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of. http://tfl.nu/uwfl
  Replies (14) Good night (3684) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36402) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet. http://tfl.nu/cgw3
  Replies (61) Good night (4784) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out http://tfl.nu/y0cc
  Replies (22) Good night (4353) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there. http://tfl.nu/ndt3
  Replies (24) Good night (4692) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose http://tfl.nu/01tr
  Replies (30) Good night (940) Bad night (3507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/jw7m
  Replies (26) Good night (5611) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets http://tfl.nu/d9we
  Replies (9) Good night (517) Bad night (5022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you. http://tfl.nu/6q4j
  Replies (14) Good night (8869) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house http://tfl.nu/yyye
  Replies (50) Good night (14055) Bad night (1596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick... http://tfl.nu/36kw
  Replies (67) Good night (5166) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England http://tfl.nu/wgnu
  Replies (62) Good night (15915) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived http://tfl.nu/mii6
  Replies (16) Good night (4741) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once http://tfl.nu/k6sm
  Replies (52) Good night (4568) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1627) Bad night (24783)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

  (408): View more from California

  we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why? (408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try. http://tfl.nu/v7dh
  Replies (21) Good night (371) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  420 ftw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): 420 ftw http://tfl.nu/c4kx
  Replies (16) Good night (974) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good. http://tfl.nu/sjs5
  Replies (62) Good night (5810) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again. http://tfl.nu/2li2
  Replies (25) Good night (663) Bad night (4924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (567): i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial http://tfl.nu/1q06
  Replies (26) Good night (513) Bad night (3691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume. http://tfl.nu/gckc
  Replies (46) Good night (12783) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt???? http://tfl.nu/wi9x
  Replies (44) Good night (496) Bad night (4419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear http://tfl.nu/g1ju
  Replies (28) Good night (3670) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you? http://tfl.nu/kjun
  Replies (18) Good night (3066) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli http://tfl.nu/6z4f
  Replies (42) Good night (529) Bad night (4789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation http://tfl.nu/lbqv
  Replies (22) Good night (1201) Bad night (2959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (101): View more from

  Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (101): Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person? http://tfl.nu/s1q0
  Replies (23) Good night (2889) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa
  Replies (64) Good night (16510) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man

  (206): View more from Washington

  ?

  (360): View more from Washington

  he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man (206): ? (360): he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH! http://tfl.nu/k0fi
  Replies (27) Good night (3766) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out http://tfl.nu/89tu
  Replies (40) Good night (1038) Bad night (6620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal. http://tfl.nu/3jar
  Replies (72) Good night (1585) Bad night (5732)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint. http://tfl.nu/8aqq
  Replies (17) Good night (4104) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend? http://tfl.nu/xot8
  Replies (23) Good night (379) Bad night (1666) Order T-Shirt