Texts From Last Night

funnybitch's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time. http://tfl.nu/dyz5
  Replies (20) Good night (4886) Bad night (1409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch. http://tfl.nu/jvw8
  Replies (22) Good night (957) Bad night (7855)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person. http://tfl.nu/l0db
  Replies (10) Good night (1040) Bad night (3487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (43) Good night (3071) Bad night (6570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8761) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire. http://tfl.nu/oqcy
  Replies (12) Good night (1292) Bad night (5069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (8150) Bad night (1432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk http://tfl.nu/r6qp
  Replies (8) Good night (4530) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19588) Bad night (1794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9782) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo http://tfl.nu/ot2w
  Replies (41) Good night (5570) Bad night (1532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9929) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here. http://tfl.nu/9zh4
  Replies (26) Good night (3535) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight. http://tfl.nu/6osy
  Replies (37) Good night (5558) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina" http://tfl.nu/xi2d
  Replies (19) Good night (2669) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule. http://tfl.nu/z55h
  Replies (25) Good night (3732) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t
  Replies (13) Good night (6527) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6875) Bad night (1365)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (2249) Bad night (7710)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (1160) Bad night (5340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (15570) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11478) Bad night (1874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (63) Good night (10558) Bad night (1463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
  Replies (39) Good night (7616) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (11147) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8891) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12362) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again... http://tfl.nu/q6mz
  Replies (15) Good night (1050) Bad night (2860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (15230) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7647) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year. http://tfl.nu/fhgz
  Replies (19) Good night (5758) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15603) Bad night (1507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I queefed so loud it echoed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I queefed so loud it echoed. http://tfl.nu/ujmt
  Replies (56) Good night (1895) Bad night (10733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54906) Bad night (6414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win. http://tfl.nu/w5au
  Replies (53) Good night (12518) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18313) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10182) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19810) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this? http://tfl.nu/pvqp
  Replies (43) Good night (4619) Bad night (2164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7451) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8757) Bad night (1915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten. http://tfl.nu/4lci
  Replies (15) Good night (6924) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks http://tfl.nu/uwbl
  Replies (9) Good night (1211) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers http://tfl.nu/4ij8
  Replies (64) Good night (8905) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood http://tfl.nu/j2rr
  Replies (57) Good night (8975) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
  Replies (12) Good night (8627) Bad night (1402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i think im in thre room next to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me. (816): i think im in thre room next to you http://tfl.nu/b5hq
  Replies (28) Good night (1905) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (18) Good night (8550) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn
  Replies (76) Good night (21547) Bad night (1255)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park http://tfl.nu/hm3c
  Replies (23) Good night (1145) Bad night (5202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical http://tfl.nu/uh4w
  Replies (141) Good night (4159) Bad night (2118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style. http://tfl.nu/7qxu
  Replies (31) Good night (2030) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas http://tfl.nu/fkrh
  Replies (27) Good night (5960) Bad night (2247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard. http://tfl.nu/hy6n
  Replies (10) Good night (6461) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (2880) Bad night (7732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (12194) Bad night (2666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP http://tfl.nu/kebb
  Replies (19) Good night (5144) Bad night (2497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (9112) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
  Replies (45) Good night (18931) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response. http://tfl.nu/3ka8
  Replies (16) Good night (7439) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning. http://tfl.nu/40hx
  Replies (10) Good night (2125) Bad night (5389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/wsrg
  Replies (16) Good night (3711) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost. http://tfl.nu/50uv
  Replies (32) Good night (732) Bad night (2883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad". http://tfl.nu/gpn1
  Replies (12) Good night (3808) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i wish there were pregnant emoticons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i wish there were pregnant emoticons http://tfl.nu/icoh
  Replies (11) Good night (596) Bad night (2993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4655) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you? http://tfl.nu/uuhm
  Replies (31) Good night (1405) Bad night (3497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right? http://tfl.nu/0mj4
  Replies (56) Good night (1200) Bad night (13436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (5020) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back. http://tfl.nu/ko52
  Replies (13) Good night (5760) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night. http://tfl.nu/8vqf
  Replies (10) Good night (4932) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing http://tfl.nu/0l5a
  Replies (15) Good night (1009) Bad night (3992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere http://tfl.nu/lbp8
  Replies (13) Good night (5317) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM... http://tfl.nu/mwn4
  Replies (32) Good night (6807) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool http://tfl.nu/7zbx
  Replies (19) Good night (516) Bad night (5383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7406) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy.. http://tfl.nu/5gkh
  Replies (49) Good night (536) Bad night (5586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3314) Bad night (5640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27865) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6835) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece. http://tfl.nu/l6if
  Replies (10) Good night (713) Bad night (6133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks? http://tfl.nu/26q7
  Replies (55) Good night (2017) Bad night (6444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine. http://tfl.nu/wyxo
  Replies (9) Good night (4788) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc
  Replies (30) Good night (6921) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  just looked at his mug shot... not really my type

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): just looked at his mug shot... not really my type http://tfl.nu/kmub
  Replies (5) Good night (734) Bad night (4045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch... http://tfl.nu/5oqr
  Replies (5) Good night (1168) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese.... http://tfl.nu/man3
  Replies (41) Good night (4837) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9675) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
  Replies (44) Good night (6497) Bad night (2466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at http://tfl.nu/9oei
  Replies (20) Good night (4570) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble http://tfl.nu/6bym
  Replies (10) Good night (1436) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On." http://tfl.nu/jjrw
  Replies (26) Good night (4102) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (13029) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11998) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits http://tfl.nu/rsyd
  Replies (54) Good night (1143) Bad night (7010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (9103) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  how much adderall did you take today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted (1-215): how much adderall did you take today? http://tfl.nu/wkg3
  Replies (14) Good night (5198) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition" http://tfl.nu/bud7
  Replies (8) Good night (1025) Bad night (2963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  my dad is going to jail this weekend

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  where are we going to get our weed from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): my dad is going to jail this weekend (1-602): where are we going to get our weed from? http://tfl.nu/lw00
  Replies (22) Good night (2094) Bad night (6358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction. http://tfl.nu/x0dk
  Replies (35) Good night (3063) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them. http://tfl.nu/wqtw
  Replies (32) Good night (5203) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time. http://tfl.nu/ytyv
  Replies (79) Good night (7261) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B http://tfl.nu/epjn
  Replies (35) Good night (1011) Bad night (3367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal. http://tfl.nu/j3ch
  Replies (14) Good night (2973) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (122) Good night (3060) Bad night (15115)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo. (724): That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling http://tfl.nu/z57r
  Replies (23) Good night (2006) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you. http://tfl.nu/3inq
  Replies (35) Good night (1333) Bad night (3197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30087) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz
  Replies (18) Good night (5759) Bad night (1943)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues" http://tfl.nu/4mvg
  Replies (26) Good night (4096) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party http://tfl.nu/47pk
  Replies (33) Good night (12340) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  addddeeerrraaaallll.

  (641): View more from Iowa

  ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): addddeeerrraaaallll. (641): ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help. http://tfl.nu/xlcd
  Replies (14) Good night (1370) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends http://tfl.nu/xej0
  Replies (99) Good night (2735) Bad night (5661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore http://tfl.nu/a739
  Replies (26) Good night (617) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6267) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people. http://tfl.nu/qtnv
  Replies (30) Good night (6400) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh (1-219): wow. http://tfl.nu/be02
  Replies (38) Good night (6482) Bad night (2704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game http://tfl.nu/ygf5
  Replies (38) Good night (4571) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt http://tfl.nu/3ulw
  Replies (17) Good night (1974) Bad night (2997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10516) Bad night (3043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Who keeps a bong in their car??

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Who keeps a bong in their car?? (1-402): Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago. http://tfl.nu/uih3
  Replies (34) Good night (3672) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore http://tfl.nu/w95h
  Replies (20) Good night (5388) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14887) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv
  Replies (47) Good night (21928) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  "Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): "Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut. http://tfl.nu/b4vo
  Replies (95) Good night (5851) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever. http://tfl.nu/idj0
  Replies (39) Good night (5506) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9336) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church! http://tfl.nu/fvvt
  Replies (17) Good night (4416) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday http://tfl.nu/o3qe
  Replies (35) Good night (3316) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks" http://tfl.nu/9b0l
  Replies (14) Good night (1203) Bad night (3122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4536) Bad night (79581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Are you trying to threaten my boobs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Are you trying to threaten my boobs? http://tfl.nu/zkua
  Replies (17) Good night (2983) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA. http://tfl.nu/q47o
  Replies (31) Good night (1345) Bad night (5226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie. http://tfl.nu/dgs6
  Replies (28) Good night (4964) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job http://tfl.nu/pld4
  Replies (19) Good night (1093) Bad night (4124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy? http://tfl.nu/94d5
  Replies (47) Good night (1039) Bad night (6522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28022) Bad night (2531) Order T-Shirt