If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
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