Texts From Last Night

dancetotherobot's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed. http://tfl.nu/6ffn
  Replies (5) Good night (2529) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

  (425): View more from Washington

  I want to be you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze" (425): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/ldeq
  Replies (6) Good night (1981) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned http://tfl.nu/hhst
  Replies (3) Good night (866) Bad night (1519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford. (910): My sex life and finances are equally in shambles. http://tfl.nu/5ti1
  Replies (4) Good night (442) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
  Replies (13) Good night (2150) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up. http://tfl.nu/q6w0
  Replies (8) Good night (2569) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked. http://tfl.nu/cvgr
  Replies (5) Good night (3878) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (8672) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex. http://tfl.nu/iosj
  Replies (25) Good night (5092) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties http://tfl.nu/ywu8
  Replies (16) Good night (4860) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Going to get a "plan B"urrito

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Going to get a "plan B"urrito http://tfl.nu/muvk
  Replies (7) Good night (2785) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u
  Replies (15) Good night (3899) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (49) Good night (8747) Bad night (2521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos? http://tfl.nu/uo60
  Replies (42) Good night (2507) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals. (1-352): Oh God. You're going to jail http://tfl.nu/m7qu
  Replies (30) Good night (5611) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex. http://tfl.nu/gy7w
  Replies (13) Good night (3181) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name. http://tfl.nu/xkiq
  Replies (22) Good night (3878) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed. http://tfl.nu/94v6
  Replies (10) Good night (5314) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS? http://tfl.nu/0qn8
  Replies (25) Good night (1554) Bad night (3831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks. http://tfl.nu/6rdh
  Replies (6) Good night (3104) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7
  Replies (15) Good night (4421) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos. http://tfl.nu/pe3o
  Replies (9) Good night (3215) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car? http://tfl.nu/7rvc
  Replies (4) Good night (2166) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown. http://tfl.nu/tv3d
  Replies (40) Good night (6892) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this. http://tfl.nu/o8j2
  Replies (6) Good night (2007) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken http://tfl.nu/p5ms
  Replies (5) Good night (1562) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You can't have your penis and eat it, too. http://tfl.nu/3eoi
  Replies (14) Good night (2079) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner. http://tfl.nu/f3ww
  Replies (14) Good night (5189) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date http://tfl.nu/sjjn
  Replies (18) Good night (4906) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over. http://tfl.nu/n0ys
  Replies (14) Good night (8077) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/587x
  Replies (14) Good night (4743) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days. http://tfl.nu/kqbj
  Replies (9) Good night (1237) Bad night (2958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job http://tfl.nu/ki5a
  Replies (45) Good night (4365) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/ssbm
  Replies (15) Good night (960) Bad night (4174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8208) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it's like her boobs came off with her bra http://tfl.nu/ua1r
  Replies (53) Good night (1229) Bad night (14772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  What's he like?

  (954): View more from Florida

  The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): What's he like? (954): The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess. http://tfl.nu/zcji
  Replies (29) Good night (6992) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp
  Replies (10) Good night (3611) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/tda5
  Replies (10) Good night (5902) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5479) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8152) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24326) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend. http://tfl.nu/0oem
  Replies (15) Good night (3773) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9762) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you? http://tfl.nu/5voi
  Replies (13) Good night (5093) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him. (1-785): But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed. http://tfl.nu/9pjf
  Replies (26) Good night (8285) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8546) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it. http://tfl.nu/ii10
  Replies (23) Good night (4597) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8023) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over. http://tfl.nu/mky5
  Replies (13) Good night (723) Bad night (5558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong? http://tfl.nu/qz2n
  Replies (44) Good night (2156) Bad night (6360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex." http://tfl.nu/3mha
  Replies (25) Good night (6637) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing http://tfl.nu/u02m
  Replies (21) Good night (5015) Bad night (1588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukm0
  Replies (20) Good night (4460) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (46) Good night (9321) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2018) Bad night (9696)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (20575) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i
  Replies (53) Good night (26453) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who'd you have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl
  Replies (12) Good night (1930) Bad night (3845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (10846) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship. http://tfl.nu/btcq
  Replies (17) Good night (4329) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15811) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
  Replies (13) Good night (4644) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck. http://tfl.nu/xyly
  Replies (15) Good night (781) Bad night (4985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable. http://tfl.nu/quma
  Replies (7) Good night (5605) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas. http://tfl.nu/7vr2
  Replies (11) Good night (3071) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/6xcw
  Replies (15) Good night (6222) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar. http://tfl.nu/zfa3
  Replies (12) Good night (4378) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on (1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me http://tfl.nu/h8za
  Replies (49) Good night (590) Bad night (14437)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2248) Bad night (5844)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (13655) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (789): View more from

  If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days. http://tfl.nu/hp74
  Replies (26) Good night (5393) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life. http://tfl.nu/71wd
  Replies (25) Good night (12287) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was. http://tfl.nu/ul38
  Replies (14) Good night (4280) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts http://tfl.nu/gdmu
  Replies (13) Good night (2317) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  it was like fucking gandolphs beard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): it was like fucking gandolphs beard http://tfl.nu/vnqc
  Replies (29) Good night (688) Bad night (6489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/15vj
  Replies (50) Good night (4742) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward. http://tfl.nu/juz7
  Replies (17) Good night (6870) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there. http://tfl.nu/ndt3
  Replies (24) Good night (4692) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz
  Replies (27) Good night (1152) Bad night (8506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?" http://tfl.nu/xq6v
  Replies (43) Good night (8250) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82813) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62696) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope http://tfl.nu/5njb
  Replies (17) Good night (444) Bad night (3947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death. http://tfl.nu/q8lg
  Replies (25) Good night (490) Bad night (6137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one. http://tfl.nu/wrt6
  Replies (34) Good night (8963) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm" http://tfl.nu/ynyp
  Replies (64) Good night (6183) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right. http://tfl.nu/hrwa
  Replies (71) Good night (6724) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning. http://tfl.nu/jye2
  Replies (14) Good night (5210) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake. http://tfl.nu/kf3k
  Replies (22) Good night (5238) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (27354) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!" http://tfl.nu/furw
  Replies (68) Good night (7166) Bad night (1775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7312) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9141) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song. http://tfl.nu/sv6u
  Replies (28) Good night (934) Bad night (5446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants http://tfl.nu/4e8k
  Replies (61) Good night (619) Bad night (8123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8244) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12893) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56
  Replies (34) Good night (1224) Bad night (4526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33654) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl? http://tfl.nu/mkwq
  Replies (38) Good night (690) Bad night (3536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement. http://tfl.nu/h6nw
  Replies (43) Good night (575) Bad night (6175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (8668) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it. http://tfl.nu/4nb9
  Replies (19) Good night (1485) Bad night (3993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news. http://tfl.nu/1uhd
  Replies (97) Good night (1325) Bad night (9984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance http://tfl.nu/wkwu
  Replies (52) Good night (1786) Bad night (6571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now http://tfl.nu/10rh
  Replies (58) Good night (1009) Bad night (12708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy. http://tfl.nu/h40g
  Replies (7) Good night (5591) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER http://tfl.nu/olos
  Replies (30) Good night (776) Bad night (5090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (8659) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems http://tfl.nu/3idz
  Replies (14) Good night (1457) Bad night (2411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits http://tfl.nu/qyqs
  Replies (54) Good night (4620) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me. http://tfl.nu/adnf
  Replies (16) Good night (688) Bad night (4283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen. http://tfl.nu/ni4j
  Replies (23) Good night (5681) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes. http://tfl.nu/z1l1
  Replies (25) Good night (494) Bad night (3182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
  Replies (25) Good night (6965) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying. http://tfl.nu/86vj
  Replies (24) Good night (749) Bad night (5837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more. http://tfl.nu/6a2v
  Replies (15) Good night (780) Bad night (3856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Public safety found my id!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Public safety found my id! (248): And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had. http://tfl.nu/apb6
  Replies (15) Good night (5076) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07
  Replies (99) Good night (1514) Bad night (5338) Order T-Shirt