I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
