no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
