Texts From Last Night · mjo's Favorites

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mjo's Favorites Texts:

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.

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(914): View more from New York

Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.

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(817): View more from Texas

then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.

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(360): View more from Washington

Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

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(954): View more from Florida

I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.

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(813): View more from Florida

One blow job doesn not make me gay.

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(806): View more from Texas

I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores

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(864): View more from South Carolina

no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

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(207): View more from Maine

So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down

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(810): View more from Michigan

Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.

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(314): View more from Missouri

DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

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(815): View more from Illinois

Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye

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(309): View more from Illinois

ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

(571): View more from Virginia

Fuck you.

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(614): View more from Ohio

My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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(434): View more from Virginia

He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

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(214): View more from Texas

I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Absence makes the cock grow harder.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.

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(847): View more from Illinois

There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.

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(802): View more from Vermont

You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you

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(718): View more from New York

you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out

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(660): View more from Missouri

Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...

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(847): View more from Illinois

Rock

(630): View more from Illinois

Scissors

(630): View more from Illinois

Fuck

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

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(760): View more from California

when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

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(212): View more from New York

You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

(475): View more from Connecticut

Yeah?

(212): View more from New York

Stuck it in his pooper.

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(269): View more from Michigan

sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.

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(647): View more from Ontario

all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

(905): View more from Ontario

You're fat. Stop making excuses

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(513): View more from Ohio

Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

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(815): View more from Illinois

If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

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(650): View more from California

Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.

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(937): View more from Ohio

[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

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(239): View more from Florida

Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?

(813): View more from Florida

Nah, just masturbating louder

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(305): View more from Florida

And the cops told us we were all naked.

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(530): View more from California

Those balls look pretty dangerous.

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(716): View more from New York

it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.

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(801): View more from Utah

You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience

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(909): View more from California

You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

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(419): View more from Ohio

i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face

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(805): View more from California

the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(408): View more from California

hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner

(1-408): View more from California

if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

super hot butfun

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.

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(571): View more from Virginia

you're bored at work aren't you?

(703): View more from Virginia

I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk

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(416): View more from Ontario

So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

(1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

no his phone, idiot.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

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(812): View more from Indiana

If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

(203): View more from Connecticut

bc i get to see you. naked.

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(718): View more from New York

Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

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(517): View more from Michigan

this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

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(845): View more from New York

that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...

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(763): View more from Minnesota

My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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(716): View more from New York

fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans

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(404): View more from Georgia

i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.

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(727): View more from Florida

I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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(618): View more from Illinois

i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

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(708): View more from Illinois

i dedicated my morning wood to you.

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(317): View more from Indiana

cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome

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(218): View more from Minnesota

No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

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(519): View more from Ontario

dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way

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(312): View more from Illinois

I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is

(1-334): View more from Alabama

I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P

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(281): View more from Texas

I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously

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(315): View more from New York

My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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(989): View more from Michigan

It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.

(402): View more from Nebraska

Update, its a couple

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(816): View more from Missouri

Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful

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(404): View more from Georgia

Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

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(754): View more from Florida

you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..

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(917): View more from New York City

I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

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(818): View more from California

Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...

(615): View more from Tennessee

Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.

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(905): View more from Toronto

Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.

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(949): View more from California

either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating

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(315): View more from New York

Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

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(914): View more from New York

Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Church boner. Awkwardddd

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.

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(949): View more from California

youre so sexy i want your bod

(410): View more from Maryland

dude, did you turn gay?

(949): View more from California

heather?

(410): View more from Maryland

this is jacob

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(419): View more from Ohio

I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

(1-918): View more from Oklahoma

Woah.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

that's not how you spell hell yes.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Clothes are such an inconvenience.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.

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(660): View more from Missouri

My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

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(631): View more from New York

So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

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(516): View more from New York

I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out

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(714): View more from California

i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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mjo's Favorites Texts:

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