I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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