ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
hotties wanna shake it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im about as happy as oj after his trial
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys