Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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