Texts From Last Night

Sydneydawg's Favorites Texts:

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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver

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  (228): We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver http://tfl.nu/kd5u
  Replies (4) Good night (1478) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.

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  (845): The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing. http://tfl.nu/8zr7
  Replies (3) Good night (1619) Bad night (265)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.

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  (360): I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this. http://tfl.nu/abfh
  Replies (2) Good night (468) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.

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  (985): He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed. http://tfl.nu/6hgc
  Replies (6) Good night (1016) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.

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  (920): I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister. http://tfl.nu/n0zu
  Replies (11) Good night (959) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?

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  (540): I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey? http://tfl.nu/z446
  Replies (9) Good night (2249) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (534): View more from Wisconsin

  He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime

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  (534): He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime http://tfl.nu/bhm3
  Replies (13) Good night (2517) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it

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  (303): His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it http://tfl.nu/k4oj
  Replies (6) Good night (1395) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

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  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5391) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

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  (267): She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point. http://tfl.nu/pwj5
  Replies (28) Good night (5025) Bad night (1661) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during

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  (541): I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during http://tfl.nu/1ah0
  Replies (4) Good night (809) Bad night (3007) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.

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  (219): He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket. http://tfl.nu/ujcd
  Replies (4) Good night (1197) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL

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  (319): WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER (1-319): THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL http://tfl.nu/179q
  Replies (12) Good night (2693) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
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  (657): View more from California

  He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"

  (818): View more from California

  this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!

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  (657): He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up" (818): this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!! http://tfl.nu/b19c
  Replies (13) Good night (3111) Bad night (446)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.

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  (971): I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney. http://tfl.nu/myp2
  Replies (21) Good night (1939) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man

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  (616): Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man http://tfl.nu/3epz
  Replies (6) Good night (350) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you

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  (219): You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you http://tfl.nu/zonx
  Replies (8) Good night (1101) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.

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  (601): The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know. (615): My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens. http://tfl.nu/91vw
  Replies (10) Good night (1664) Bad night (298)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.

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  (907): according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it. http://tfl.nu/rmyb
  Replies (7) Good night (966) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  How high are you?

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  (561): Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter. (1-561): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/9cbn
  Replies (18) Good night (749) Bad night (1340)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."

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  (201): I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl." http://tfl.nu/ji6j
  Replies (4) Good night (1748) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.

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  (317): When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work. http://tfl.nu/4lb8
  Replies (13) Good night (2046) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed

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  (215): If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed http://tfl.nu/cmm2
  Replies (16) Good night (681) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.

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  (989): It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/f9iv
  Replies (12) Good night (846) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Did she say Ok?

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  (512): Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA! (1-512): Did she say Ok? http://tfl.nu/jji5
  Replies (8) Good night (2088) Bad night (537)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.

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  (910): Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee. http://tfl.nu/pw4k
  Replies (12) Good night (1788) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.

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  (805): You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like. http://tfl.nu/70wr
  Replies (14) Good night (564) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  did i really sing to your nipples last night?

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  yes. and it was oddly very seductive

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  (931): did i really sing to your nipples last night? (731): yes. and it was oddly very seductive http://tfl.nu/t5a8
  Replies (2) Good night (1320) Bad night (392)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he has this weird thing where he watches me pee

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  (864): he has this weird thing where he watches me pee http://tfl.nu/0a5f
  Replies (7) Good night (357) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.

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  (724): I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast. http://tfl.nu/94l7
  Replies (1) Good night (929) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan

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  (218): I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan http://tfl.nu/xroh
  Replies (11) Good night (1768) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.

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  (773): You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday. http://tfl.nu/8aa9
  Replies (4) Good night (1407) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am

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  (703): The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am http://tfl.nu/d51l
  Replies (6) Good night (1543) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live

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  (614): After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live http://tfl.nu/6xtu
  Replies (6) Good night (381) Bad night (2064) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.

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  (563): Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me. http://tfl.nu/48rp
  Replies (11) Good night (3064) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.

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  (813): Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich. http://tfl.nu/j6pr
  Replies (10) Good night (1564) Bad night (459)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens

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  (505): on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens http://tfl.nu/9djh
  Replies (1) Good night (1340) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read

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  (603): the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read http://tfl.nu/k8on
  Replies (1) Good night (1085) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.

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  (803): One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big. http://tfl.nu/i8v0
  Replies (10) Good night (890) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  I wish your snatch was here

  (443): View more from Maryland

  If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

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  (707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8
  Replies (12) Good night (1469) Bad night (431)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I need to hump something and I know u understand.

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  (843): I need to hump something and I know u understand. http://tfl.nu/eg48
  Replies (3) Good night (1039) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.

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  (949): Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame. http://tfl.nu/sj6o
  Replies (2) Good night (1081) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.

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  (402): He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians. http://tfl.nu/6owi
  Replies (9) Good night (706) Bad night (1772) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.

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  (715): If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues. (1-715): I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes. http://tfl.nu/6qvu
  Replies (2) Good night (1039) Bad night (360)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Am I going to be on condom boxes?

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  (803): You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time. (1-803): Am I going to be on condom boxes? http://tfl.nu/pwx5
  Replies (3) Good night (2110) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you

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  (814): you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you http://tfl.nu/0g1k
  Replies (5) Good night (565) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed

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  (610): i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed http://tfl.nu/7f8u
  Replies (11) Good night (564) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke

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  (416): Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke http://tfl.nu/mtw8
  Replies (1) Good night (352) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
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  (420): View more from

  Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.

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  (420): Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals. http://tfl.nu/6422
  Replies (9) Good night (1133) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.

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  (810): He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me. http://tfl.nu/paz8
  Replies (24) Good night (2896) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.

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  (847): When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off. http://tfl.nu/w3pn
  Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?

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  (402): I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF? http://tfl.nu/wyh2
  Replies (1) Good night (1037) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO

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  (609): On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO http://tfl.nu/r9jo
  Replies (26) Good night (652) Bad night (1930) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester

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  (309): yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester http://tfl.nu/2w28
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (887)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  That's not what Jesus is for

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  (207): When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck. (1-207): That's not what Jesus is for http://tfl.nu/8stw
  Replies (20) Good night (2304) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.

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  (231): It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me. http://tfl.nu/2ez8
  Replies (9) Good night (389) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.

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  (719): I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon. http://tfl.nu/f6i1
  Replies (6) Good night (1634) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.

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  (516): My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit. http://tfl.nu/2g7d
  Replies (9) Good night (852) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.

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  (910): No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess. http://tfl.nu/luxa
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  (607): View more from New York

  You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.

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  (607): You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were. http://tfl.nu/pdic
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.

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  (541): Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule. http://tfl.nu/eokl
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.

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  (918): She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life. http://tfl.nu/zzux
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.

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  (208): Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me. http://tfl.nu/44ip
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"

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  (631): I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good" http://tfl.nu/jrza
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"

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  (604): Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!" http://tfl.nu/of5t
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back

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  (512): You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back http://tfl.nu/1cno
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  (949): View more from California

  Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.

  (949): View more from California

  I felt like a god.

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  (949): Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list. (949): I felt like a god. http://tfl.nu/u6fp
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  (661): View more from California

  Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo

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  (661): Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo http://tfl.nu/bjmc
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just feel like you're using me for sex.

  (383): View more from

  I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship

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  (401): I just feel like you're using me for sex. (383): I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship http://tfl.nu/typ8
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye

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  (360): Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye http://tfl.nu/wt8g
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself

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  (406): I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself http://tfl.nu/7ngm
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.

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  (647): I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday. http://tfl.nu/lj8p
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  (921): View more from

  Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!

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  (921): Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK! http://tfl.nu/zhve
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Peanut butter balls.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

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  (206): Peanut butter balls. (1-206): IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD http://tfl.nu/s2fd
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.

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  (229): It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night. http://tfl.nu/etjs
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

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  (+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone

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  (847): It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone http://tfl.nu/1xod
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny

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  (203): Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny http://tfl.nu/4qb9
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.

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  (423): I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him. http://tfl.nu/x8vu
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.

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  (+61): Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night. http://tfl.nu/mvw7
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  (210): View more from Texas

  What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.

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  (210): What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that. http://tfl.nu/vntm
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..

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  (603): Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please.. http://tfl.nu/45sb
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.

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  (913): He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back. http://tfl.nu/xhdz
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?

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  (785): The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/iipx
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  (925): View more from California

  Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.

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  (925): Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude. http://tfl.nu/h87p
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?

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  (774): Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is? http://tfl.nu/utv4
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward

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  (905): I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward http://tfl.nu/lq2w
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.

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  (206): Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys. http://tfl.nu/t4sn
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

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  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.

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  (610): So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though. http://tfl.nu/xgce
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  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

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  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

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  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

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  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
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  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now

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  (508): Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now http://tfl.nu/n0um
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.

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  (423): I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/w5jl
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.

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  (817): I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream. http://tfl.nu/kzw3
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
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  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

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  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

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  (419): He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk.. http://tfl.nu/th8z
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

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  (206): He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking. http://tfl.nu/jryu
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

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  (304): as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now. http://tfl.nu/olha
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  (518): View more from New York

  I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands

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  (518): I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands http://tfl.nu/jxb1
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."

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  (757): You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE." http://tfl.nu/ep4x
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.

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  (918): Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want. http://tfl.nu/d7n8
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"

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  (580): Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying" http://tfl.nu/0sq3
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  (707): View more from California

  And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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  (707): And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope. http://tfl.nu/sve4
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

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  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.

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  (503): Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur. http://tfl.nu/hsyp
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us

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  (919): I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us http://tfl.nu/0tdj
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.

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  (941): Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us. http://tfl.nu/wjn1
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?

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  (865): What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"? http://tfl.nu/h7i9
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

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  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB

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  (+44): you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB http://tfl.nu/timz
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.

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  (256): In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside. http://tfl.nu/kaff
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
  Replies (13) Good night (3461) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt