Texts From Last Night

partyyychik's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams. http://tfl.nu/lmv8
  Replies (20) Good night (4237) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (13) Good night (8945) Bad night (1935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (184) Good night (53948) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57788) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59254) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62674) Bad night (2951)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64505) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends. http://tfl.nu/26nn
  Replies (15) Good night (1590) Bad night (3676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124225) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): ...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos http://tfl.nu/7o3l
  Replies (57) Good night (1239) Bad night (2603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone. http://tfl.nu/jz14
  Replies (19) Good night (3463) Bad night (1233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser. http://tfl.nu/agjn
  Replies (32) Good night (3287) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for. http://tfl.nu/v3jd
  Replies (29) Good night (4201) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nobody is perfect

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page. (913): Nobody is perfect (816): I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other http://tfl.nu/yd5r
  Replies (11) Good night (7318) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again. http://tfl.nu/bt9u
  Replies (34) Good night (2971) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (23) Good night (5625) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was. http://tfl.nu/0op6
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (3632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork. http://tfl.nu/6zkt
  Replies (37) Good night (14677) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  He looks like he has a penis

  (210): View more from Texas

  What the fuck

  (432): View more from Texas

  A good one, a good penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): He looks like he has a penis (210): What the fuck (432): A good one, a good penis http://tfl.nu/0vhk
  Replies (8) Good night (3819) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life http://tfl.nu/phhm
  Replies (7) Good night (3674) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day. http://tfl.nu/nryu
  Replies (6) Good night (2306) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right. http://tfl.nu/bvcn
  Replies (12) Good night (4473) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (32212) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

  (1-857): View more from Massachusetts

  Doors?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now. (1-857): Doors? (857): Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet. http://tfl.nu/ic4r
  Replies (6) Good night (1697) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128188) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/r7p2
  Replies (7) Good night (5248) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s
  Replies (13) Good night (7602) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots http://tfl.nu/aobh
  Replies (14) Good night (2605) Bad night (1520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen? http://tfl.nu/ze7l
  Replies (8) Good night (4116) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see.. http://tfl.nu/ubpf
  Replies (9) Good night (3841) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave. http://tfl.nu/6huv
  Replies (13) Good night (5105) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/xxvi
  Replies (38) Good night (11262) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Come find me please? Im in a ditch.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  That doesn't help me much...

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm right under the moon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch. (1-604): That doesn't help me much... (604): I'm right under the moon! http://tfl.nu/u7hc
  Replies (15) Good night (12987) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair. http://tfl.nu/vnaz
  Replies (3) Good night (2277) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss. http://tfl.nu/x43e
  Replies (11) Good night (3873) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry. http://tfl.nu/4osi
  Replies (9) Good night (4299) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes. http://tfl.nu/y77d
  Replies (11) Good night (677) Bad night (3860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/564h
  Replies (7) Good night (2351) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street http://tfl.nu/sbee
  Replies (13) Good night (4237) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat. http://tfl.nu/sn6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3505) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf
  Replies (12) Good night (7185) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (23405) Bad night (1429)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies http://tfl.nu/gwy7
  Replies (18) Good night (3639) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I CAN MOONWALK!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I CAN MOONWALK! http://tfl.nu/d76i
  Replies (5) Good night (1692) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her http://tfl.nu/saue
  Replies (21) Good night (4622) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead (201): NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it" http://tfl.nu/4pzt
  Replies (85) Good night (4484) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie! http://tfl.nu/p3px
  Replies (27) Good night (1739) Bad night (3606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow

  (410): View more from Maryland

  so basically your not goin out tonight?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  who said that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow (410): so basically your not goin out tonight? (301): who said that? http://tfl.nu/qimw
  Replies (13) Good night (5036) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it. http://tfl.nu/rt8c
  Replies (10) Good night (3631) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out http://tfl.nu/oush
  Replies (12) Good night (5759) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too http://tfl.nu/t8cv
  Replies (17) Good night (4444) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (117) Good night (43646) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?

  (469): View more from Texas

  Ya, why?

  (972): View more from Texas

  We should try that some time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Remember that sex scene from American Psycho? (469): Ya, why? (972): We should try that some time. http://tfl.nu/72x3
  Replies (10) Good night (904) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (35) Good night (14541) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway" http://tfl.nu/kkqr
  Replies (25) Good night (3409) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  This dress was meant to end up on your floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): This dress was meant to end up on your floor http://tfl.nu/t8yv
  Replies (7) Good night (3753) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad http://tfl.nu/156q
  Replies (61) Good night (6798) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa

  (404): View more from Georgia

  sure if you go to prison

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa (404): sure if you go to prison http://tfl.nu/yad5
  Replies (24) Good night (673) Bad night (2572)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can. (1-214): oh fuck your right http://tfl.nu/6rmf
  Replies (21) Good night (4015) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  R you on birth control?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  No, why?

  (212): View more from New York

  ...no reason

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): R you on birth control? (1-212): No, why? (212): ...no reason http://tfl.nu/zfov
  Replies (6) Good night (351) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it http://tfl.nu/rn2p
  Replies (9) Good night (779) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am engaged

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  To a real live girl that has met me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I am engaged (262): To a real live girl that has met me http://tfl.nu/4ln0
  Replies (7) Good night (1248) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore http://tfl.nu/6gwp
  Replies (10) Good night (4122) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text? http://tfl.nu/28br
  Replies (8) Good night (3890) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
  Replies (12) Good night (5692) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon http://tfl.nu/xv5b
  Replies (12) Good night (1670) Bad night (2223)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall http://tfl.nu/brex
  Replies (11) Good night (4048) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (6953) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (38) Good night (11050) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT! http://tfl.nu/38ig
  Replies (26) Good night (4192) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark. http://tfl.nu/009s
  Replies (44) Good night (7207) Bad night (1729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi http://tfl.nu/kis8
  Replies (28) Good night (4197) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.' http://tfl.nu/uc3v
  Replies (23) Good night (4537) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh
  Replies (23) Good night (7606) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9225) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl? http://tfl.nu/nlrb
  Replies (37) Good night (6219) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10458) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): But I thought everyone had breakup sex? http://tfl.nu/04j7
  Replies (24) Good night (4848) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10463) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (26) Good night (8216) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke. http://tfl.nu/r10e
  Replies (27) Good night (4581) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5306) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1280) Bad night (5372)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  six.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh, I thought it was higher.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  No, that would be the Matt's

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg
  Replies (33) Good night (6391) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever. http://tfl.nu/6dcd
  Replies (20) Good night (5982) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c
  Replies (45) Good night (1723) Bad night (5043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?

  (904): View more from Florida

  Both

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): What are you talking about? And how drunk are you? (904): Both http://tfl.nu/7q6w
  Replies (18) Good night (5778) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr
  Replies (50) Good night (5293) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2248) Bad night (5844)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that. http://tfl.nu/a0qi
  Replies (11) Good night (3324) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (106) Good night (30061) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7
  Replies (14) Good night (6226) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (961): View more from

  I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (961): I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit http://tfl.nu/r0do
  Replies (28) Good night (7234) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster? http://tfl.nu/6xmt
  Replies (19) Good night (4696) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor. http://tfl.nu/agj1
  Replies (20) Good night (509) Bad night (4171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16389) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10076) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6332) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar http://tfl.nu/aq1i
  Replies (11) Good night (4269) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7186) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122228) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136712) Bad night (8408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8526) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
  Replies (56) Good night (7656) Bad night (2157)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (30) Good night (8412) Bad night (1191)