lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
