Texts From Last Night

goldensith1996's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind. http://tfl.nu/1wyd
  Replies (9) Good night (1575) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times. http://tfl.nu/siml
  Replies (8) Good night (2166) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make http://tfl.nu/3d29
  Replies (5) Good night (1969) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.

  (281): View more from Texas

  You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you. (281): You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it... http://tfl.nu/s196
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends. http://tfl.nu/11t7
  Replies (21) Good night (652) Bad night (2305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf
  Replies (11) Good night (1918) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point. http://tfl.nu/l1mt
  Replies (10) Good night (2371) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2685) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect? http://tfl.nu/6qrg
  Replies (5) Good night (1075) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/zo0y
  Replies (17) Good night (7170) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME" http://tfl.nu/xsgw
  Replies (6) Good night (524) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements. http://tfl.nu/p1je
  Replies (8) Good night (1298) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle. http://tfl.nu/m2od
  Replies (11) Good night (2154) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room http://tfl.nu/4z49
  Replies (9) Good night (2048) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us. http://tfl.nu/mzbi
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor. http://tfl.nu/c5bv
  Replies (12) Good night (1561) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well http://tfl.nu/c3um
  Replies (19) Good night (1673) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories http://tfl.nu/5xj5
  Replies (3) Good night (1746) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left http://tfl.nu/2seq
  Replies (16) Good night (760) Bad night (2313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you." http://tfl.nu/oa2r
  Replies (13) Good night (3774) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly http://tfl.nu/snl2
  Replies (7) Good night (2434) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142150) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there..... http://tfl.nu/ckkf
  Replies (18) Good night (714) Bad night (2516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (260) Good night (3964) Bad night (78184)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (15371) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!! (1-515): Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states. http://tfl.nu/ptk3
  Replies (53) Good night (7034) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back http://tfl.nu/t7ho
  Replies (63) Good night (2120) Bad night (3934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face. http://tfl.nu/q45o
  Replies (42) Good night (1370) Bad night (5064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better, http://tfl.nu/6vha
  Replies (6) Good night (607) Bad night (2192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer. http://tfl.nu/0v9r
  Replies (7) Good night (1386) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters http://tfl.nu/r1et
  Replies (20) Good night (3992) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed. http://tfl.nu/t3mj
  Replies (22) Good night (8929) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (867): Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win? http://tfl.nu/oq5t
  Replies (16) Good night (1442) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought http://tfl.nu/myue
  Replies (12) Good night (2607) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head. http://tfl.nu/7dxe
  Replies (12) Good night (543) Bad night (4597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming. http://tfl.nu/2tij
  Replies (6) Good night (3041) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex (206): Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy http://tfl.nu/0aky
  Replies (16) Good night (2491) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99

  (415): View more from California

  Recession joke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99 (415): Recession joke. http://tfl.nu/0g53
  Replies (10) Good night (2936) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test. http://tfl.nu/gxsj
  Replies (31) Good night (8062) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning? (770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle http://tfl.nu/6kcj
  Replies (32) Good night (3364) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea. http://tfl.nu/bq8d
  Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were... http://tfl.nu/299s
  Replies (8) Good night (3057) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (3942) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night? http://tfl.nu/uq24
  Replies (18) Good night (5168) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator. http://tfl.nu/e8nd
  Replies (6) Good night (1684) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card? http://tfl.nu/2f9h
  Replies (8) Good night (1669) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever. http://tfl.nu/bzzy
  Replies (6) Good night (3737) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress. http://tfl.nu/pksn
  Replies (7) Good night (3895) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore. http://tfl.nu/oorw
  Replies (3) Good night (4001) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.

  (747): View more from California

  Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks. (747): Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either. http://tfl.nu/6mbq
  Replies (22) Good night (3816) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/89g2
  Replies (6) Good night (1731) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over http://tfl.nu/x0ne
  Replies (4) Good night (2171) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun. http://tfl.nu/d4m3
  Replies (21) Good night (2585) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited. http://tfl.nu/jdnb
  Replies (24) Good night (5196) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  she is way to in-touch with her childhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside. (1-845): she is way to in-touch with her childhood http://tfl.nu/m5xk
  Replies (11) Good night (2105) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns". http://tfl.nu/398g
  Replies (12) Good night (2462) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale. http://tfl.nu/9c1d
  Replies (19) Good night (4069) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween! http://tfl.nu/sc01
  Replies (14) Good night (2163) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it? (1-618): We wouldn't be friends if you didn't. http://tfl.nu/4027
  Replies (6) Good night (2739) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place. http://tfl.nu/k1hb
  Replies (30) Good night (1243) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick" http://tfl.nu/v34k
  Replies (18) Good night (4621) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs http://tfl.nu/bews
  Replies (12) Good night (1169) Bad night (1828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw
  Replies (9) Good night (3396) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.

  (210): View more from Texas

  It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Is your card paying for my plan b?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender. (210): It was my card, so what do you care that you lost? (512): Is your card paying for my plan b? http://tfl.nu/703j
  Replies (12) Good night (1184) Bad night (2660)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  How have you survived this long?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8
  Replies (9) Good night (3087) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids. http://tfl.nu/kj6p
  Replies (11) Good night (2566) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck? http://tfl.nu/k3jz
  Replies (6) Good night (2299) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (340): I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting.. http://tfl.nu/wypp
  Replies (4) Good night (1946) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Career choice validated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!" (732): Career choice validated http://tfl.nu/g765
  Replies (51) Good night (9285) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls. http://tfl.nu/cfx1
  Replies (7) Good night (1912) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends. http://tfl.nu/9x75
  Replies (10) Good night (698) Bad night (3305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it http://tfl.nu/4p1k
  Replies (4) Good night (2037) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112214) Bad night (9727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116788) Bad night (3275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133083) Bad night (5769)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168262) Bad night (42159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.

  (917): View more from New York City

  So many issues. You honestly need help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in. (917): So many issues. You honestly need help. http://tfl.nu/cv7o
  Replies (10) Good night (2362) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face. http://tfl.nu/wypl
  Replies (9) Good night (3013) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead. http://tfl.nu/wa3x
  Replies (6) Good night (1951) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying http://tfl.nu/j2oh
  Replies (8) Good night (2731) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5221) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you http://tfl.nu/zf8b
  Replies (8) Good night (3177) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7 http://tfl.nu/thj7
  Replies (14) Good night (6178) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO. http://tfl.nu/k62i
  Replies (8) Good night (3322) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from. http://tfl.nu/yx57
  Replies (11) Good night (2619) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  There's always time for handjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): There's always time for handjobs http://tfl.nu/m1ol
  Replies (13) Good night (2508) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs. http://tfl.nu/z5mq
  Replies (13) Good night (2566) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning. http://tfl.nu/nqu5
  Replies (17) Good night (3400) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd http://tfl.nu/3aq9
  Replies (5) Good night (2472) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity. http://tfl.nu/5ec6
  Replies (23) Good night (4599) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me. http://tfl.nu/ijqd
  Replies (14) Good night (2756) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants. http://tfl.nu/xx9d
  Replies (17) Good night (7765) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life http://tfl.nu/cbjj
  Replies (24) Good night (5206) Bad night (2203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning" http://tfl.nu/szov
  Replies (16) Good night (7229) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking http://tfl.nu/5hl3
  Replies (11) Good night (3846) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128388) Bad night (4044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173039) Bad night (6898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day. http://tfl.nu/yh3a
  Replies (21) Good night (9769) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (11645) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter. http://tfl.nu/rjmj
  Replies (10) Good night (4275) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months http://tfl.nu/8o8f
  Replies (10) Good night (2791) Bad night (3466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/rxnt
  Replies (18) Good night (4385) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave. http://tfl.nu/8ei2
  Replies (12) Good night (1534) Bad night (5764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6612) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him. http://tfl.nu/hzd4
  Replies (17) Good night (833) Bad night (6820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Apparently hers is a theme park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground. (954): Apparently hers is a theme park. http://tfl.nu/yoy4
  Replies (8) Good night (932) Bad night (1931)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on http://tfl.nu/bnaa
  Replies (24) Good night (520) Bad night (5026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1607) Bad night (8599) Order T-Shirt