Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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