Texts From Last Night

annnn16's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat. http://tfl.nu/4rv6
  Replies (9) Good night (8190) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success http://tfl.nu/8g5x
  Replies (12) Good night (4100) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times http://tfl.nu/jfaf
  Replies (6) Good night (2494) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21. http://tfl.nu/keb8
  Replies (6) Good night (4150) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i think that dennys waitress has my boxers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i think that dennys waitress has my boxers http://tfl.nu/oyrc
  Replies (15) Good night (3335) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat (1-631): SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT. http://tfl.nu/se9g
  Replies (5) Good night (1213) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day. http://tfl.nu/6cqk
  Replies (17) Good night (2738) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was http://tfl.nu/ydfc
  Replies (14) Good night (4584) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dude what the fuck...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer. (330): Dude what the fuck... http://tfl.nu/hphb
  Replies (4) Good night (1517) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  He was the one that got away. From my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): He was the one that got away. From my vagina. http://tfl.nu/504c
  Replies (8) Good night (1385) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine. http://tfl.nu/g50l
  Replies (5) Good night (1381) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse. http://tfl.nu/9wwo
  Replies (10) Good night (3257) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic? http://tfl.nu/zced
  Replies (5) Good night (1934) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
  Replies (7) Good night (1689) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park. http://tfl.nu/5xdu
  Replies (11) Good night (805) Bad night (3926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/bitm
  Replies (11) Good night (2862) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog http://tfl.nu/dk0r
  Replies (23) Good night (4810) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  So basically you were a dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground. (802): So basically you were a dog. http://tfl.nu/0n1s
  Replies (14) Good night (8039) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella. http://tfl.nu/lhln
  Replies (10) Good night (3637) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival.. http://tfl.nu/pwlv
  Replies (6) Good night (1338) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are? http://tfl.nu/u6le
  Replies (6) Good night (2240) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left http://tfl.nu/4sdk
  Replies (5) Good night (604) Bad night (2199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition. http://tfl.nu/ww1r
  Replies (9) Good night (1855) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex. http://tfl.nu/0t9p
  Replies (24) Good night (4998) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse. http://tfl.nu/b0l0
  Replies (6) Good night (1490) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Found your dick twin last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Found your dick twin last night http://tfl.nu/4id4
  Replies (5) Good night (2060) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours. http://tfl.nu/m0o9
  Replies (19) Good night (3563) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible http://tfl.nu/tr7j
  Replies (1) Good night (1366) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this" http://tfl.nu/ckz0
  Replies (6) Good night (1125) Bad night (1768)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from http://tfl.nu/ac6d
  Replies (9) Good night (710) Bad night (3136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking. http://tfl.nu/qvff
  Replies (23) Good night (1178) Bad night (3478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go? http://tfl.nu/u68l
  Replies (1) Good night (1545) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level http://tfl.nu/da15
  Replies (2) Good night (1669) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/3tox
  Replies (6) Good night (1803) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito. http://tfl.nu/1uk0
  Replies (8) Good night (1994) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Where was your thought process?

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  Drowning in my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Where was your thought process? (1-778): Drowning in my hangover. http://tfl.nu/hpz6
  Replies (1) Good night (1337) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume. http://tfl.nu/g5bo
  Replies (10) Good night (1942) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...

  (1+44): View more from

  That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl... (1+44): That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh http://tfl.nu/agy9
  Replies (22) Good night (4180) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed. http://tfl.nu/o1n2
  Replies (3) Good night (1628) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try http://tfl.nu/7nb7
  Replies (1) Good night (1481) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat. http://tfl.nu/zl1y
  Replies (6) Good night (2445) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke? http://tfl.nu/jbqp
  Replies (13) Good night (4107) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it. http://tfl.nu/j347
  Replies (7) Good night (2901) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): 2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever. http://tfl.nu/992h
  Replies (15) Good night (2554) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Run away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian. (403): Run away. http://tfl.nu/pkbx
  Replies (6) Good night (846) Bad night (1833)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious? http://tfl.nu/m4yc
  Replies (11) Good night (3306) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made http://tfl.nu/mjv4
  Replies (3) Good night (1961) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do. http://tfl.nu/w9t3
  Replies (5) Good night (1932) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face. http://tfl.nu/d4p2
  Replies (8) Good night (643) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit. http://tfl.nu/a0hw
  Replies (4) Good night (2384) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming. http://tfl.nu/qk4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1638) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory. http://tfl.nu/grsq
  Replies (5) Good night (1433) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs" http://tfl.nu/uf2c
  Replies (8) Good night (2445) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Parents weekend was a success.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Parents weekend was a success. (973): Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success... (804): Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend. http://tfl.nu/9gkg
  Replies (4) Good night (1588) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand. http://tfl.nu/8nd1
  Replies (7) Good night (1390) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it. http://tfl.nu/tfef
  Replies (19) Good night (1069) Bad night (2347)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am? http://tfl.nu/0wpx
  Replies (8) Good night (1611) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy http://tfl.nu/iwg7
  Replies (6) Good night (2189) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum http://tfl.nu/egi2
  Replies (10) Good night (2856) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there. http://tfl.nu/knxy
  Replies (11) Good night (3273) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass? http://tfl.nu/sdtw
  Replies (4) Good night (1676) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist http://tfl.nu/x60r
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (1436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified http://tfl.nu/y3tt
  Replies (13) Good night (2401) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first... http://tfl.nu/kho5
  Replies (3) Good night (1540) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future... http://tfl.nu/18be
  Replies (5) Good night (1593) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's. http://tfl.nu/a874
  Replies (6) Good night (2731) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends. http://tfl.nu/9x75
  Replies (10) Good night (698) Bad night (3305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab. http://tfl.nu/4t90
  Replies (7) Good night (1417) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Um. I literally have no words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service. (1-419): Um. I literally have no words. http://tfl.nu/ua9g
  Replies (3) Good night (1850) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes. (1-541): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/axhz
  Replies (6) Good night (2097) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing http://tfl.nu/3itv
  Replies (9) Good night (1961) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh http://tfl.nu/1197
  Replies (6) Good night (1528) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone (1-540): I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her http://tfl.nu/pf86
  Replies (27) Good night (3687) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY http://tfl.nu/1b9m
  Replies (26) Good night (2960) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  SMART GIRL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's (1-978): SMART GIRL http://tfl.nu/njon
  Replies (2) Good night (1671) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall. http://tfl.nu/64r1
  Replies (7) Good night (4137) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me. http://tfl.nu/xahh
  Replies (10) Good night (2256) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Its gonna be a symphony of fucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Its gonna be a symphony of fucks http://tfl.nu/8ess
  Replies (7) Good night (1565) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow. http://tfl.nu/uyrp
  Replies (17) Good night (2467) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I DIDNT GET FINGERED

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I was rubbed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room. (604): I DIDNT GET FINGERED (604): I was rubbed http://tfl.nu/4nvv
  Replies (9) Good night (2276) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out http://tfl.nu/2vfe
  Replies (24) Good night (3498) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list http://tfl.nu/7gq6
  Replies (4) Good night (1152) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/n8v9
  Replies (6) Good night (2162) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that. http://tfl.nu/41po
  Replies (3) Good night (2053) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident? http://tfl.nu/46ya
  Replies (16) Good night (3045) Bad night (1850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines. http://tfl.nu/isnh
  Replies (12) Good night (2146) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't." http://tfl.nu/2qab
  Replies (3) Good night (1728) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad? http://tfl.nu/48x6
  Replies (21) Good night (963) Bad night (4504)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00
  Replies (10) Good night (3345) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious. http://tfl.nu/bpk6
  Replies (11) Good night (2950) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Want me to give your number to an army recruiter? (614): I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist? (330): I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us. http://tfl.nu/ti2n
  Replies (6) Good night (3291) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his. http://tfl.nu/2lgm
  Replies (15) Good night (2375) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You're so demanding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka (816): You're so demanding. http://tfl.nu/w483
  Replies (3) Good night (1730) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
  Replies (15) Good night (6260) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks. http://tfl.nu/8fko
  Replies (3) Good night (1322) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed. http://tfl.nu/br4z
  Replies (7) Good night (2452) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-) http://tfl.nu/n299
  Replies (8) Good night (1857) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
  Replies (2) Good night (3321) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk. http://tfl.nu/e4bz
  Replies (12) Good night (841) Bad night (4061)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type! http://tfl.nu/avo3
  Replies (7) Good night (2405) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever? (1-443): A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month. http://tfl.nu/w6z0
  Replies (17) Good night (1241) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins http://tfl.nu/1uxv
  Replies (6) Good night (1623) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate http://tfl.nu/l99f
  Replies (8) Good night (1277) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka http://tfl.nu/yt16
  Replies (4) Good night (1648) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession http://tfl.nu/yu57
  Replies (5) Good night (2253) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place. http://tfl.nu/p2sn
  Replies (4) Good night (1638) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  She fuckin peed on me

  (817): View more from Texas

  Stay golden ponyboy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): She fuckin peed on me (817): Stay golden ponyboy http://tfl.nu/vooq
  Replies (16) Good night (4657) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick http://tfl.nu/t99o
  Replies (6) Good night (2195) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6
  Replies (14) Good night (1136) Bad night (3256)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position... http://tfl.nu/q8gr
  Replies (3) Good night (1943) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight. http://tfl.nu/6osy
  Replies (37) Good night (5560) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  my head looks like a cockatoo

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): my head looks like a cockatoo (1-305): mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom http://tfl.nu/w2nh
  Replies (10) Good night (910) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5544) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage. http://tfl.nu/62w3
  Replies (5) Good night (812) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world http://tfl.nu/2aj7
  Replies (2) Good night (1063) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again http://tfl.nu/9um4
  Replies (17) Good night (714) Bad night (2000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing http://tfl.nu/rf46
  Replies (2) Good night (1268) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch. http://tfl.nu/vgkc
  Replies (5) Good night (1200) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it. http://tfl.nu/n6h2
  Replies (18) Good night (3478) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore. http://tfl.nu/8tgi
  Replies (8) Good night (2545) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night. http://tfl.nu/52we
  Replies (4) Good night (1003) Bad night (1904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship http://tfl.nu/l6zt
  Replies (2) Good night (1376) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming http://tfl.nu/8wbb
  Replies (4) Good night (1923) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor http://tfl.nu/2ux6
  Replies (9) Good night (759) Bad night (2301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/jjm9
  Replies (7) Good night (1792) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair... http://tfl.nu/dvxl
  Replies (4) Good night (2093) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts... (1-336): Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER! http://tfl.nu/l2ol
  Replies (3) Good night (1312) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year. http://tfl.nu/qsqv
  Replies (9) Good night (2054) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem" http://tfl.nu/bkek
  Replies (4) Good night (1860) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips. http://tfl.nu/z4q3
  Replies (7) Good night (1253) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it. http://tfl.nu/m045
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded http://tfl.nu/gpq0
  Replies (3) Good night (1783) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Im 95% ready to shit behind 711

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Im 95% ready to shit behind 711 http://tfl.nu/2mf3
  Replies (4) Good night (1072) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/0o8e
  Replies (7) Good night (3903) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8bkp
  Replies (2) Good night (621) Bad night (1374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (1820) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!" http://tfl.nu/38or
  Replies (10) Good night (2436) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight. http://tfl.nu/8jy4
  Replies (4) Good night (1468) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Why are you speaking in third person?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Why are you speaking in third person? (1-902): Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore. http://tfl.nu/1fh5
  Replies (5) Good night (3168) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom... http://tfl.nu/0ft1
  Replies (9) Good night (921) Bad night (2473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high http://tfl.nu/1b4w
  Replies (2) Good night (1493) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas http://tfl.nu/w87e
  Replies (10) Good night (1544) Bad night (2990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/eevd
  Replies (4) Good night (1138) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room http://tfl.nu/c34s
  Replies (5) Good night (3198) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*

  (310): View more from California

  Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.* (310): Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche. http://tfl.nu/gxdj
  Replies (12) Good night (2756) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Oh God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g
  Replies (20) Good night (4455) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop. http://tfl.nu/jrhx
  Replies (2) Good night (1310) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine. http://tfl.nu/fc29
  Replies (6) Good night (3577) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids http://tfl.nu/6v45
  Replies (15) Good night (1726) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know she was great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day (267): I know she was great http://tfl.nu/ms90
  Replies (26) Good night (6731) Bad night (1289)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing. http://tfl.nu/h581
  Replies (10) Good night (2256) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS. http://tfl.nu/9dm1
  Replies (27) Good night (8552) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES. http://tfl.nu/zom1
  Replies (19) Good night (3659) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night? http://tfl.nu/n9fn
  Replies (35) Good night (1375) Bad night (6558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary

  (716): View more from New York

  i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross (860): its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary (716): i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal http://tfl.nu/td08
  Replies (70) Good night (2744) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (67) Good night (19695) Bad night (943)