Texts From Last Night · alexdonald's Favorites

Sorry torrid hasn't picked any favorites yet.

alexdonald's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(785): View more from Kansas

She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.

Fav 16 4064 1371
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.

Fav 6 1879 831
share tweet

(606): View more from Kentucky

VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS

Fav 3 2694 1042
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

Fav 16 3581 1310
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.

Fav 19 1853 3593
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.

Fav 11 3032 1042
share tweet

(606): View more from Kentucky

Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

Fav 3 1531 1616
share tweet

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

Fav 9 4142 1308
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

Fav 10 4472 1459
share tweet
(316): View more from Kansas

This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.

Fav 3 2784 959
share tweet
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today

Fav 2 2510 1299
share tweet

(248): View more from Michigan

So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."

Fav 5 2991 1135
share tweet

(214): View more from Texas

Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

Fav 11 3008 1068
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.

Fav 12 1901 1120
share tweet

(303): View more from Colorado

Why is there bacon braided in my hair

Fav 15 3650 1258
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home

Fav 4 2326 1070
share tweet
(352): View more from Florida

I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND

Fav 32 1989 3846
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.

Fav 16 4197 1373
share tweet
(830): View more from Texas

Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester

Fav 5 2320 1229
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

Fav 16 1787 1118
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.

Fav 18 4754 1130
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show

Fav 4 3389 1123
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

True on all accounts.

Fav 13 3856 1323
share tweet
(918): View more from Oklahoma

Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.

Fav 5 2674 1072
share tweet
(912): View more from Georgia

Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

Fav 9 2598 1402
share tweet
(905): View more from Ontario

Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

Fav 4 2651 1145
share tweet
(843): View more from South Carolina

The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.

Fav 6 1785 876
share tweet
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.

Fav 2 1960 1002
share tweet
(623): View more from Arizona

No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"

Fav 16 1789 984
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip

Fav 3 2317 886
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.

Fav 5 954 2435
share tweet
(310): View more from California

I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

Fav 5 2534 884
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.

Fav 9 2612 1108
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

Fav 8 7166 1340
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.

Fav 5 1405 1112
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

DRUNK CANOEING

(804): View more from Virginia

Please text me if you survive.

(207): View more from Maine

LAND HO BITCH

Fav 27 10891 1408
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo

Fav 2 1336 1012
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?

Fav 3 2500 1068
share tweet
(618): View more from Illinois

Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

Fav 6 2662 1142
share tweet
(231): View more from Michigan

You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches

Fav 4 1809 1453
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us

Fav 4 2852 1076
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

Fav 5 5189 1119
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.

Fav 4 1890 908
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

Fav 8 4085 1131
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

Fav 8 3713 1629
share tweet
(254): View more from Texas

Im just a social blackout drinker.

Fav 6 3744 1879
share tweet
(586): View more from Michigan

on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"

Fav 10 3329 1594
share tweet
(352): View more from Florida

I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.

Fav 16 4211 1257
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

Come over. Drunk tacos.

(1-214): View more from Texas

That isn't even a sentence.

(214): View more from Texas

I kept the important parts.

Fav 8 5127 1226
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here

Fav 7 2422 880
share tweet
(774): View more from Massachusetts

I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby

(617): View more from Massachusetts

your completely serious

Fav 9 2667 1347
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

Fav 5 2711 1208
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa

(603): View more from New Hampshire

I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...

Fav 11 3717 1281
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!

(1-513): View more from Ohio

Thanks, mom.

Fav 17 4400 1552
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

Fav 25 6499 1146
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me

Fav 4 1634 1070
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you

Fav 11 2681 1011
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.

Fav 10 6678 1483
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

Fav 9 3333 1079
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off

Fav 10 3785 1728
share tweet
(940): View more from Texas

An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.

Fav 7 3702 1258
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

Fav 3 848 2231
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.

Fav 6 1235 2493
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.

Fav 6 1254 3452
share tweet
(515): View more from Iowa

I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

Fav 16 3451 1478
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?

Fav 12 3168 1381
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.

Fav 2 2800 1066
share tweet
(260): View more from Indiana

apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

Fav 3 5750 1294
share tweet
(318): View more from Louisiana

We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..

Fav 3 4399 1461
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.

Fav 27 3089 1723
share tweet
(651): View more from Minnesota

No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

She still started it.

Fav 7 3141 1263
share tweet
(904): View more from Florida

Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

Fav 19 4331 1778
share tweet
(256): View more from Alabama

Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment

Fav 20 3183 1578
share tweet
(204): View more from Manitoba

For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.

Fav 6 3437 1644
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards

Fav 8 2180 1236
share tweet
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.

Fav 17 3731 1226
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

Fav 33 11717 1646
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

Fav 3 3088 1149
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY

Fav 6 2555 1120
share tweet
(774): View more from Massachusetts

i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.

Fav 10 1445 2542
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

Fav 8 3361 1242
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.

Fav 10 2036 1220
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night

Fav 17 5504 1546
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.

Fav 18 6180 2199
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?

Fav 7 3020 1131
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

Fav 9 4515 1400
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.

Fav 7 3367 1084
share tweet
(218): View more from Minnesota

The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

Fav 15 4860 1700
share tweet
(423): View more from Tennessee

I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.

Fav 27 1775 7747
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

Fav 8 2761 973
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

Just invented taco cereal.

Fav 8 1810 2289
share tweet
(510): View more from California

Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting

Fav 10 1215 3140
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

Fav 8 3775 1303
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out

Fav 8 1149 3283
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.

Fav 25 4809 3030
share tweet
(757): View more from Virginia

i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas

Fav 13 3356 1234
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

(708): View more from Illinois

May it rest in peace.

Fav 17 4944 1779
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours

Fav 11 4993 1123
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

Fav 11 5186 1490
share tweet
(615): View more from Tennessee

I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.

Fav 8 5287 1391
share tweet
(318): View more from Louisiana

I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

Fav 12 6621 1416
share tweet
(517): View more from Michigan

Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.

Fav 17 7015 2321
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot

Fav 51 8028 1246
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

Fav 44 8415 1407
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

Fav 43 8299 1400
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

Fav 63 8447 1437
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

Fav 20 8977 1505
share tweet
(310): View more from California

thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

(1-310): View more from California

you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

Fav 30 12341 1703
share tweet
(469): View more from Texas

i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

Fav 34 13462 1379
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

Fav 37 14062 1413
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.

Fav 6 3483 1691
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

Fav 6 2607 1314
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

Wow that was a lesbian tornado.

Fav 14 3915 1418
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

Fav 26 7434 1560
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

Going to get a "plan B"urrito

Fav 7 3445 1697
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

Fav 23 6366 1891
share tweet
(650): View more from California

Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp

(1-650): View more from California

i loe djcudia fjxos rue.

Fav 15 3102 1467
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.

Fav 12 4072 1325
share tweet
(239): View more from Florida

so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

Fav 15 3636 1389
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

Fav 18 2779 3054
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

Fav 18 1944 7172
share tweet
(707): View more from California

Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.

Fav 13 4939 2916
share tweet
(613): View more from Ontario

Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.

Fav 15 7400 1221
share tweet
(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

Fav 13 1699 3976
share tweet
(605): View more from South Dakota

If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

Fav 2 3125 1031
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

Fav 8 4848 1435
share tweet
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.

Fav 39 3232 5481
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

Fav 14 3100 1826
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

Fav 3 3331 1334
share tweet
(319): View more from Iowa

the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

Fav 9 4675 1852
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in

Fav 14 3782 1034
share tweet
(250): View more from British Columbia

Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.

Fav 4 3611 1154
share tweet
(916): View more from California

craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?

Fav 16 8964 1550
share tweet
(774): View more from Massachusetts

i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

Fav 509 178663 8188
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time

Fav 11 3715 1421
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

Fav 4 1605 3165
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..

Fav 15 4450 1483
share tweet
(616): View more from Michigan

You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

Fav 9 5615 2278
share tweet
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?

Fav 6 3059 1785
share tweet
(913): View more from Kansas

The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

Fav 5 4582 1224
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

Fav 16 8945 1303
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day

Fav 3 2835 1087
share tweet