Texts From Last Night

alexdonald's Favorites Texts:

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.

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  (785): She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed. http://tfl.nu/l8l2
  Replies (16) Good night (3633) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.

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  (503): You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine. http://tfl.nu/60jl
  Replies (6) Good night (1523) Bad night (475)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS

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  (606): VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS http://tfl.nu/8cgs
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad

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  (203): The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad http://tfl.nu/q1tx
  Replies (16) Good night (3083) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.

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  (302): My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever. http://tfl.nu/lkx6
  Replies (19) Good night (1421) Bad night (3096)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.

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  (513): 4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of. http://tfl.nu/69sj
  Replies (11) Good night (2665) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

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  (606): Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas. http://tfl.nu/5seh
  Replies (3) Good night (1198) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3587) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

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  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (3947) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.

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  (316): This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc. http://tfl.nu/hh26
  Replies (3) Good night (2363) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today

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  (321): Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today http://tfl.nu/s99h
  Replies (2) Good night (2110) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."

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  (248): So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis." http://tfl.nu/nekp
  Replies (5) Good night (2572) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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  (214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs
  Replies (11) Good night (2553) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.

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  (416): juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning. http://tfl.nu/mbo9
  Replies (12) Good night (1579) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Why is there bacon braided in my hair

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  (303): Why is there bacon braided in my hair http://tfl.nu/324s
  Replies (15) Good night (3220) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home

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  (203): Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home http://tfl.nu/rxky
  Replies (4) Good night (1965) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND

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  (352): I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND http://tfl.nu/oakz
  Replies (32) Good night (1583) Bad night (3337) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.

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  (402): Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week. http://tfl.nu/y6xg
  Replies (15) Good night (3698) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester

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  (830): Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester http://tfl.nu/187b
  Replies (5) Good night (1869) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

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  (856): She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/a0zc
  Replies (16) Good night (1429) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.

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  (631): Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel. http://tfl.nu/lrsp
  Replies (17) Good night (4236) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show

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  (856): and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show http://tfl.nu/o1xq
  Replies (4) Good night (2964) Bad night (677)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  True on all accounts.

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  (702): I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me. (1-702): True on all accounts. http://tfl.nu/tt9s
  Replies (13) Good night (3369) Bad night (813)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.

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  (918): Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking. http://tfl.nu/gpcu
  Replies (4) Good night (2284) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

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  (912): Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here. http://tfl.nu/xdo1
  Replies (9) Good night (2203) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

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  (905): Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights. http://tfl.nu/cnu2
  Replies (4) Good night (2258) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.

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  (843): The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year. http://tfl.nu/r78b
  Replies (6) Good night (1389) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.

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  (403): I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life. http://tfl.nu/3fnb
  Replies (2) Good night (1630) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"

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  (623): No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough" http://tfl.nu/d4rh
  Replies (16) Good night (1423) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip

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  (360): we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip http://tfl.nu/7xer
  Replies (3) Good night (1929) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.

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  (267): Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees. http://tfl.nu/ugpg
  Replies (5) Good night (588) Bad night (2038) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2165) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.

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  (519): Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen. http://tfl.nu/rpyn
  Replies (9) Good night (2210) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

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  (973): I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/cbpu
  Replies (8) Good night (6567) Bad night (779)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.

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  (646): Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans. http://tfl.nu/r33v
  Replies (5) Good night (1114) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

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  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (9985) Bad night (751)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo

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  (920): It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo http://tfl.nu/s2q1
  Replies (2) Good night (1054) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?

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  (303): What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night? http://tfl.nu/ofgo
  Replies (3) Good night (2112) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

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  (618): Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it. http://tfl.nu/ym59
  Replies (6) Good night (2299) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches

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  (231): You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches http://tfl.nu/iwei
  Replies (4) Good night (1461) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us

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  (304): Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us http://tfl.nu/9jfi
  Replies (4) Good night (2442) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.

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  (519): I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vafe
  Replies (5) Good night (4607) Bad night (582)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.

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  (402): 2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America. http://tfl.nu/5vl1
  Replies (4) Good night (1513) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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  (406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3
  Replies (8) Good night (3521) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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  (315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy
  Replies (8) Good night (2986) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Im just a social blackout drinker.

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  (254): Im just a social blackout drinker. http://tfl.nu/yfwk
  Replies (6) Good night (2934) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"

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  (586): on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish" http://tfl.nu/8ky3
  Replies (10) Good night (2846) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.

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  (352): I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern. http://tfl.nu/54kf
  Replies (16) Good night (3733) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Come over. Drunk tacos.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  That isn't even a sentence.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I kept the important parts.

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  (214): Come over. Drunk tacos. (1-214): That isn't even a sentence. (214): I kept the important parts. http://tfl.nu/2pq0
  Replies (8) Good night (4599) Bad night (665)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here

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  (631): So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here http://tfl.nu/ydin
  Replies (7) Good night (2053) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  your completely serious

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  (774): I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby (617): your completely serious http://tfl.nu/nhex
  Replies (9) Good night (2259) Bad night (896)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

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  (515): oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer http://tfl.nu/4g9e
  Replies (5) Good night (2262) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...

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  (603): Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa (603): I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel... http://tfl.nu/ns98
  Replies (11) Good night (3203) Bad night (787)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Thanks, mom.

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  (513): Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection! (1-513): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/k49b
  Replies (17) Good night (3894) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

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  (206): He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking. http://tfl.nu/jryu
  Replies (25) Good night (6007) Bad night (711)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me

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  (970): Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me http://tfl.nu/64e5
  Replies (4) Good night (1278) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you

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  (602): Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you http://tfl.nu/ckem
  Replies (11) Good night (2296) Bad night (596)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.

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  (443): you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life. http://tfl.nu/pccz
  Replies (9) Good night (6102) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

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  (612): I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look. http://tfl.nu/oye1
  Replies (9) Good night (2923) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off

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  (715): guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off http://tfl.nu/qflt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.

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  (940): An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese. http://tfl.nu/bzrb
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.

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  (330): we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it. http://tfl.nu/vxbj
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.

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  (920): That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake. http://tfl.nu/1ph6
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  (954): View more from Florida

  You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.

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  (954): You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself. http://tfl.nu/qx75
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

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  (515): I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME! http://tfl.nu/9v3y
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?

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  (740): Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed? http://tfl.nu/4keg
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.

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  (314): She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good. http://tfl.nu/atnn
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

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  (260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much" http://tfl.nu/w7s7
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..

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  (318): We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed.. http://tfl.nu/orkv
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.

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  (970): But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips. http://tfl.nu/821r
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  She still started it.

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  (651): No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister. (1-651): She still started it. http://tfl.nu/h5sx
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

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  (904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment

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  (256): Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment http://tfl.nu/eim1
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.

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  (204): For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video. http://tfl.nu/6mdy
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards

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  (973): Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards http://tfl.nu/2nd3
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.

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  (321): Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college. http://tfl.nu/3u34
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  (281): View more from Texas

  She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

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  (281): She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out http://tfl.nu/guh4
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  (315): View more from New York

  I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

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  (315): I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry. http://tfl.nu/6f2v
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY

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  (970): Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY http://tfl.nu/vtkd
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.

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  (774): i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub. http://tfl.nu/0yor
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

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  (781): you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat http://tfl.nu/04qy
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.

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  (440): I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray. http://tfl.nu/d3w5
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night

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  (609): Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night http://tfl.nu/7184
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.

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  (314): I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though. http://tfl.nu/qm3u
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?

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  (404): Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right? http://tfl.nu/zhkv
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.

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  (917): I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus. http://tfl.nu/e2af
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.

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  (908): so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills. http://tfl.nu/ed0l
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

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  (218): The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME http://tfl.nu/4k9l
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.

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  (423): I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit. http://tfl.nu/4gp7
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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  (814): where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ? http://tfl.nu/ejao
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just invented taco cereal.

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  (503): Just invented taco cereal. http://tfl.nu/md8j
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  (510): View more from California

  Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting

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  (510): Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting http://tfl.nu/1alo
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

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  (302): Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself. http://tfl.nu/ycey
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out

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  (765): Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out http://tfl.nu/pydc
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  (917): View more from New York City

  level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.

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  (917): level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed. http://tfl.nu/i2kx
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas

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  (757): i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas http://tfl.nu/kf1k
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

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  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours

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  (908): we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours http://tfl.nu/0by6
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

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  (502): there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me. http://tfl.nu/l22j
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.

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  (615): I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag. http://tfl.nu/vhx8
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

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  (318): I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/2gyi
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.

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  (517): Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early. http://tfl.nu/8f7a
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot

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  (814): all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot http://tfl.nu/2zr0
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  (850): View more from Florida

  this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen

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  (850): this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen http://tfl.nu/1apt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

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  (702): jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working. http://tfl.nu/9tde
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

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  (770): I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high. http://tfl.nu/dl85
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

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  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
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  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

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  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
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  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

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  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

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  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.

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  (513): You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute. http://tfl.nu/xfpy
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

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  (405): This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine?? http://tfl.nu/98s1
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Wow that was a lesbian tornado.

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  (201): Wow that was a lesbian tornado. http://tfl.nu/1am2
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

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  (727): I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due. http://tfl.nu/nv78
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Going to get a "plan B"urrito

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  (612): Going to get a "plan B"urrito http://tfl.nu/muvk
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

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  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
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  (650): View more from California

  Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp

  (1-650): View more from California

  i loe djcudia fjxos rue.

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  (650): Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp (1-650): i loe djcudia fjxos rue. http://tfl.nu/pfpy
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.

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  (225): she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her. http://tfl.nu/dxlc
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  (239): View more from Florida

  so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

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  (239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

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  (314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

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  (609): he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it. http://tfl.nu/w24u
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  (707): View more from California

  Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.

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  (707): Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car. http://tfl.nu/kt4h
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.

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  (613): Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big. http://tfl.nu/u6h6
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

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  (709): Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you. http://tfl.nu/s4f8
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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  (605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c
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  (207): View more from Maine

  My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

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  (207): My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad. http://tfl.nu/6faf
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.

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  (+44): He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester. http://tfl.nu/ggyj
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

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  (847): He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned http://tfl.nu/f6cf
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

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  (248): like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life. http://tfl.nu/wwre
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".

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  (319): the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy". http://tfl.nu/gh3y
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in

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  (614): Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in http://tfl.nu/9ss7
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.

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  (250): Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party. http://tfl.nu/dnix
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  (916): View more from California

  craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?

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  (916): craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in? http://tfl.nu/76bu
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time

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  (570): she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time http://tfl.nu/kzmt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

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  (630): Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends. http://tfl.nu/htzg
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..

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  (704): She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number.. http://tfl.nu/ftuv
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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  (616): You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls. http://tfl.nu/v76g
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?

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  (403): Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch? http://tfl.nu/fqqa
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.

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  (913): The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up. http://tfl.nu/odda
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

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  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day

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  (513): Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day http://tfl.nu/hc9r
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