Texts From Last Night

eorlas's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now http://tfl.nu/v305
  Replies (5) Good night (1672) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears. http://tfl.nu/nh7v
  Replies (15) Good night (3321) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan. http://tfl.nu/7ucr
  Replies (17) Good night (615) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down. http://tfl.nu/m8at
  Replies (18) Good night (2343) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob http://tfl.nu/pg2m
  Replies (13) Good night (2389) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl. http://tfl.nu/065k
  Replies (13) Good night (857) Bad night (2095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up... (978): Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis? http://tfl.nu/mb06
  Replies (12) Good night (890) Bad night (2796)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/t5e0
  Replies (18) Good night (5000) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we didnt even have break up sex...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  you had it for us with someone else...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z
  Replies (16) Good night (1399) Bad night (6148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (8672) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE. http://tfl.nu/pyvt
  Replies (36) Good night (7339) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did. http://tfl.nu/3qcv
  Replies (7) Good night (7447) Bad night (1750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs. http://tfl.nu/5epb
  Replies (10) Good night (3622) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal. http://tfl.nu/dcp1
  Replies (15) Good night (2843) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now. http://tfl.nu/j6eo
  Replies (11) Good night (3758) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm. http://tfl.nu/uzjb
  Replies (20) Good night (3781) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet. http://tfl.nu/7a74
  Replies (16) Good night (8631) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms http://tfl.nu/f1de
  Replies (27) Good night (5646) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes. http://tfl.nu/p00s
  Replies (9) Good night (3808) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl
  Replies (20) Good night (7956) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina... http://tfl.nu/78ky
  Replies (19) Good night (1541) Bad night (6981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/fa0p
  Replies (24) Good night (5271) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx
  Replies (43) Good night (13031) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5536) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (22) Good night (13537) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5331) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob... http://tfl.nu/tixa
  Replies (34) Good night (4861) Bad night (1824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser. http://tfl.nu/y4fk
  Replies (16) Good night (5394) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off. http://tfl.nu/4dsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7291) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (22) Good night (6074) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (36) Good night (9304) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  hes a good boy he deserves a good blow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): hes a good boy he deserves a good blow http://tfl.nu/pix3
  Replies (92) Good night (7478) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome http://tfl.nu/r1ky
  Replies (17) Good night (3563) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (6971) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show. http://tfl.nu/9mds
  Replies (16) Good night (3532) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/vmkf
  Replies (62) Good night (716) Bad night (6567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (19) Good night (5402) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (53) Good night (1788) Bad night (6131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny." http://tfl.nu/6v00
  Replies (8) Good night (794) Bad night (5614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl
  Replies (15) Good night (942) Bad night (6373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9240) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time http://tfl.nu/v4kt
  Replies (32) Good night (1499) Bad night (4819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4629) Bad night (5956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's gonna be a great weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot (1-203): it's gonna be a great weekend http://tfl.nu/mkok
  Replies (13) Good night (5986) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (42) Good night (11310) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night. http://tfl.nu/6lcj
  Replies (39) Good night (1035) Bad night (7288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3075) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick. http://tfl.nu/zpzn
  Replies (18) Good night (923) Bad night (5953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz
  Replies (14) Good night (4711) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9020) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship... http://tfl.nu/dw4u
  Replies (23) Good night (817) Bad night (6332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter http://tfl.nu/rgti
  Replies (31) Good night (8784) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8526) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip http://tfl.nu/r0us
  Replies (35) Good night (2027) Bad night (6498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future? http://tfl.nu/5rnd
  Replies (43) Good night (4970) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate." http://tfl.nu/e62b
  Replies (11) Good night (6676) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

  (917): View more from New York City

  You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job (917): You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth. http://tfl.nu/dvgd
  Replies (15) Good night (5517) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic. http://tfl.nu/yvsq
  Replies (27) Good night (2046) Bad night (4353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you slept with him again didn't you

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs
  Replies (21) Good night (5392) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
  Replies (10) Good night (7240) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on. http://tfl.nu/u7oz
  Replies (22) Good night (861) Bad night (4893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn http://tfl.nu/ufam
  Replies (25) Good night (4194) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (6996) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (6767) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (5559) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too http://tfl.nu/8x1l
  Replies (27) Good night (6602) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5388) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  You should've just screamed yes we can!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad. (1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can! http://tfl.nu/ng19
  Replies (52) Good night (8606) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (7960) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8751) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): And whoever invented the condom should be put to death. http://tfl.nu/pkgn
  Replies (81) Good night (991) Bad night (9736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (8539) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around. http://tfl.nu/7cdc
  Replies (16) Good night (5175) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3943)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (6712) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna. http://tfl.nu/vetf
  Replies (42) Good night (1993) Bad night (6850)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14119) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (5919) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night http://tfl.nu/8gcp
  Replies (13) Good night (5999) Bad night (1286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47511) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it http://tfl.nu/mjt1
  Replies (17) Good night (6722) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (54) Good night (15851) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (12540) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (22896) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas http://tfl.nu/93o8
  Replies (13) Good night (1509) Bad night (4369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this http://tfl.nu/r3y4
  Replies (13) Good night (4017) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola. http://tfl.nu/yi5l
  Replies (18) Good night (2013) Bad night (4658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere http://tfl.nu/0cj1
  Replies (17) Good night (6373) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): And my fence, why is part of it on the roof? http://tfl.nu/v3wp
  Replies (6) Good night (4871) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av
  Replies (22) Good night (8621) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7
  Replies (155) Good night (1773) Bad night (34545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong? http://tfl.nu/9q3v
  Replies (169) Good night (4615) Bad night (16414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13668) Bad night (3306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened... http://tfl.nu/apd0
  Replies (17) Good night (5563) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty http://tfl.nu/ybq4
  Replies (19) Good night (889) Bad night (6380) Order T-Shirt