Texts From Last Night

bananaboy2377's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile. http://tfl.nu/gnnf
  Replies (11) Good night (5836) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter. http://tfl.nu/jrqc
  Replies (6) Good night (5092) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (34) Good night (6864) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing http://tfl.nu/4411
  Replies (24) Good night (4979) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17734) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining http://tfl.nu/2n0l
  Replies (11) Good night (5690) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal
  Replies (6) Good night (3725) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon. http://tfl.nu/l4la
  Replies (25) Good night (6357) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (13938) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (2886) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk. http://tfl.nu/j1no
  Replies (25) Good night (11246) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14716) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team. http://tfl.nu/bf8i
  Replies (12) Good night (3743) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  What's a "vodkaffle"?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): What's a "vodkaffle"? (608): It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix. http://tfl.nu/84eu
  Replies (10) Good night (3885) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (10962) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (53) Good night (20591) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall http://tfl.nu/usfu
  Replies (3) Good night (3724) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened http://tfl.nu/l318
  Replies (23) Good night (742) Bad night (6896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16566) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (9908) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7
  Replies (61) Good night (10108) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust http://tfl.nu/nu3n
  Replies (92) Good night (1744) Bad night (5640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

  (1-415): View more from California

  What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

  (415): View more from California

  He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." http://tfl.nu/chbe
  Replies (26) Good night (713) Bad night (9317)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap http://tfl.nu/9u2o
  Replies (31) Good night (753) Bad night (4115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26336) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?" http://tfl.nu/xq6v
  Replies (43) Good night (8250) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride. http://tfl.nu/b4k2
  Replies (78) Good night (1836) Bad night (10505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38043) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe. http://tfl.nu/6izf
  Replies (17) Good night (3907) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn
  Replies (30) Good night (7657) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie. http://tfl.nu/cht2
  Replies (53) Good night (8776) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Strong 6

  (516): View more from New York

  That's an oxymoron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck? (201): Strong 6 (516): That's an oxymoron. http://tfl.nu/n45n
  Replies (32) Good night (1065) Bad night (4061)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8359) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works. http://tfl.nu/uib3
  Replies (45) Good night (5465) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
  Replies (70) Good night (9726) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

  (619): View more from California

  with a huge shlong

  (440): View more from Ohio

  massive. i wanna make bitches cry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life (619): with a huge shlong (440): massive. i wanna make bitches cry http://tfl.nu/imk4
  Replies (38) Good night (5416) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7313) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9259) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs' http://tfl.nu/aa98
  Replies (37) Good night (1048) Bad night (16713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick. http://tfl.nu/djhd
  Replies (23) Good night (6852) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate. http://tfl.nu/qonz
  Replies (5) Good night (953) Bad night (2438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/2gyi
  Replies (11) Good night (5881) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27
  Replies (10) Good night (4373) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had. http://tfl.nu/vdqf
  Replies (8) Good night (1377) Bad night (4255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again http://tfl.nu/ywr6
  Replies (11) Good night (3985) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better. http://tfl.nu/wgom
  Replies (20) Good night (4039) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/eja8
  Replies (33) Good night (7089) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me http://tfl.nu/rrqt
  Replies (23) Good night (6250) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
  Replies (15) Good night (1899) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7205) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit (303): I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex http://tfl.nu/u4ul
  Replies (8) Good night (1973) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? http://tfl.nu/ubjm
  Replies (33) Good night (568) Bad night (4129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo http://tfl.nu/rg6x
  Replies (36) Good night (5621) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy. http://tfl.nu/n1q0
  Replies (17) Good night (1063) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11389) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are. http://tfl.nu/ve28
  Replies (34) Good night (5010) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring... http://tfl.nu/set0
  Replies (80) Good night (2503) Bad night (7855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means. http://tfl.nu/u00p
  Replies (7) Good night (3485) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers. http://tfl.nu/1i45
  Replies (18) Good night (6308) Bad night (1451)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool http://tfl.nu/a4ly
  Replies (7) Good night (927) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa
  Replies (17) Good night (8482) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair http://tfl.nu/e78g
  Replies (82) Good night (4076) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies. http://tfl.nu/8ixd
  Replies (9) Good night (3796) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around http://tfl.nu/8mq7
  Replies (21) Good night (3358) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order. http://tfl.nu/n0bh
  Replies (12) Good night (670) Bad night (3444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
  Replies (11) Good night (8299) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
  Replies (8) Good night (560) Bad night (2349)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10015) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/1jen
  Replies (12) Good night (6715) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (4926) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class http://tfl.nu/9lx5
  Replies (67) Good night (717) Bad night (4658)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last http://tfl.nu/oknv
  Replies (34) Good night (1125) Bad night (5149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked' http://tfl.nu/xvcv
  Replies (39) Good night (470) Bad night (6513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option. http://tfl.nu/dknj
  Replies (22) Good night (5959) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying (203): but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she http://tfl.nu/l9o1
  Replies (34) Good night (4172) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (20) Good night (9669) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so you punched his junk, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex. (480): so you punched his junk, right? http://tfl.nu/9kpg
  Replies (16) Good night (541) Bad night (3813)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.

  (818): View more from California

  Punch her baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me. (818): Punch her baby. http://tfl.nu/ve2m
  Replies (59) Good night (5953) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money? http://tfl.nu/t6x6
  Replies (18) Good night (5587) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog http://tfl.nu/rz7h
  Replies (30) Good night (5955) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever? http://tfl.nu/67g4
  Replies (74) Good night (19928) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus? http://tfl.nu/ye38
  Replies (5) Good night (1394) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out http://tfl.nu/au0t
  Replies (33) Good night (2566) Bad night (5553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went? http://tfl.nu/eczc
  Replies (46) Good night (4194) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken. http://tfl.nu/9881
  Replies (13) Good night (675) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!" http://tfl.nu/cmoy
  Replies (23) Good night (4387) Bad night (1561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb
  Replies (31) Good night (3858) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df
  Replies (97) Good night (1354) Bad night (7294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app http://tfl.nu/uu0s
  Replies (78) Good night (5780) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy http://tfl.nu/cwdv
  Replies (13) Good night (4344) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49212) Bad night (5111)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands." http://tfl.nu/l3oo
  Replies (17) Good night (8886) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (32) Good night (13656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2120) Bad night (34018)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6143) Bad night (39424)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136706) Bad night (8408) Order T-Shirt