he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just threw up on my dentist
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
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