I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
