Texts From Last Night

Tebisgod's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere. http://tfl.nu/0uwm
  Replies (9) Good night (853) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (37) Good night (25076) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside http://tfl.nu/la7o
  Replies (21) Good night (3041) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them http://tfl.nu/57b7
  Replies (7) Good night (3327) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  and you succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk. (1-919): and you succeeded. http://tfl.nu/9cm4
  Replies (11) Good night (4257) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon http://tfl.nu/xy8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3337) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
  Replies (11) Good night (4788) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling http://tfl.nu/w1qs
  Replies (15) Good night (3023) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez
  Replies (21) Good night (6992) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (18544) Bad night (1691)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer" http://tfl.nu/avyg
  Replies (15) Good night (2745) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club. http://tfl.nu/hcoc
  Replies (5) Good night (2550) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel http://tfl.nu/4p3k
  Replies (6) Good night (2904) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class http://tfl.nu/v047
  Replies (37) Good night (4703) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (686) Bad night (6174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch. http://tfl.nu/js8y
  Replies (5) Good night (4602) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38535) Bad night (1467)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore. http://tfl.nu/xw8g
  Replies (17) Good night (1179) Bad night (2884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up. http://tfl.nu/l5tu
  Replies (10) Good night (5345) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Call meee

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Call meee (781): Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now... http://tfl.nu/j06g
  Replies (3) Good night (1608) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14649) Bad night (1666)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (8292) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  found the other keg... it's in the tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): found the other keg... it's in the tree http://tfl.nu/nyfo
  Replies (15) Good night (7946) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level http://tfl.nu/dixb
  Replies (35) Good night (6790) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9613) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy. http://tfl.nu/roru
  Replies (15) Good night (5803) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (47) Good night (47534) Bad night (2091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us http://tfl.nu/zowi
  Replies (4) Good night (4304) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him http://tfl.nu/busx
  Replies (14) Good night (5730) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste. http://tfl.nu/c4ff
  Replies (9) Good night (3052) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer. http://tfl.nu/dm7j
  Replies (21) Good night (463) Bad night (2847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/spf0
  Replies (4) Good night (3288) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997 http://tfl.nu/gfc1
  Replies (34) Good night (1091) Bad night (4907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe. http://tfl.nu/02tv
  Replies (19) Good night (3849) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room http://tfl.nu/urin
  Replies (4) Good night (3927) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome http://tfl.nu/u3j0
  Replies (6) Good night (2435) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage? http://tfl.nu/r2cg
  Replies (6) Good night (2117) Bad night (1702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day. http://tfl.nu/kwoe
  Replies (32) Good night (2201) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL. http://tfl.nu/wgt5
  Replies (19) Good night (3532) Bad night (1367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): 'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason http://tfl.nu/vr72
  Replies (15) Good night (2041) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/qnaa
  Replies (29) Good night (5673) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back? http://tfl.nu/wmx0
  Replies (66) Good night (1837) Bad night (3305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke http://tfl.nu/3o1y
  Replies (50) Good night (1119) Bad night (2651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night. http://tfl.nu/pbft
  Replies (12) Good night (944) Bad night (7737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night http://tfl.nu/syca
  Replies (11) Good night (691) Bad night (3756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43619) Bad night (1463)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn. http://tfl.nu/73y5
  Replies (6) Good night (2175) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass http://tfl.nu/h4q0
  Replies (10) Good night (3205) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27874) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/svs8
  Replies (20) Good night (11015) Bad night (1279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf
  Replies (32) Good night (13401) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (409) Good night (103641) Bad night (9399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity

  (1-209): View more from California

  nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity (1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all http://tfl.nu/t93h
  Replies (43) Good night (15441) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  your sister was..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin (262): your sister was.. http://tfl.nu/c3sq
  Replies (18) Good night (4993) Bad night (1237)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Jake died.

  (310): View more from California

  WTF????????? That's how you tell me????

  (818): View more from California

  Oops typo. Jake cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Jake died. (310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me???? (818): Oops typo. Jake cried. http://tfl.nu/zib8
  Replies (41) Good night (4735) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking. http://tfl.nu/b01w
  Replies (37) Good night (1147) Bad night (5065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
  Replies (12) Good night (6823) Bad night (1327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question http://tfl.nu/cvyj
  Replies (8) Good night (3173) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  so you're single again?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  yea but it was worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face (1-334): so you're single again? (334): yea but it was worth it http://tfl.nu/2tzr
  Replies (46) Good night (4862) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9622) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I think I just saw someone hide a body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I think I just saw someone hide a body. http://tfl.nu/2aay
  Replies (13) Good night (1502) Bad night (2647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  please tell me if i'm home and in my bed

  (1-310): View more from California

  negative

  (310): View more from California

  come find me please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): please tell me if i'm home and in my bed (1-310): negative (310): come find me please http://tfl.nu/3ca4
  Replies (29) Good night (2087) Bad night (4506)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dont have a dog?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it (508): I dont have a dog? (774): WTF http://tfl.nu/8rlm
  Replies (7) Good night (715) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody snuck up and got me drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): somebody snuck up and got me drunk http://tfl.nu/xe32
  Replies (4) Good night (1479) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (6191) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Thursday nights need to stop happening to me. http://tfl.nu/p744
  Replies (8) Good night (2241) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (19) Good night (6706) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6554) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today http://tfl.nu/5plw
  Replies (4) Good night (3221) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard. http://tfl.nu/kick
  Replies (9) Good night (4045) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (101) Good night (2954) Bad night (12043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere. http://tfl.nu/eett
  Replies (40) Good night (867) Bad night (11906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst? http://tfl.nu/5xe1
  Replies (67) Good night (1526) Bad night (25589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11513) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (12110) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69
  Replies (38) Good night (12603) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (17456) Bad night (1588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek
  Replies (32) Good night (18032) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18318) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
  Replies (61) Good night (18524) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19644) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (141) Good night (19636) Bad night (2221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20508) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21337) Bad night (2982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26873) Bad night (4292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33900) Bad night (3565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43793) Bad night (4562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl
  Replies (37) Good night (19311) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  do you want me to make hamburgers?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i'm vegan

  (209): View more from California

  i'll put lettuce on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): do you want me to make hamburgers? (541): i'm vegan (209): i'll put lettuce on them http://tfl.nu/hb72
  Replies (37) Good night (7427) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter. http://tfl.nu/3ad9
  Replies (4) Good night (2105) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Who goes to Church hungover

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Who goes to Church hungover (717): Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk http://tfl.nu/g7sy
  Replies (42) Good night (14610) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6632) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (11885) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply. http://tfl.nu/723h
  Replies (20) Good night (5164) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse. http://tfl.nu/mns9
  Replies (13) Good night (618) Bad night (4288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60
  Replies (15) Good night (942) Bad night (3662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom... http://tfl.nu/jmqs
  Replies (8) Good night (573) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic? http://tfl.nu/xncy
  Replies (72) Good night (7890) Bad night (1382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  my soul wont recognize me after tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): my soul wont recognize me after tonight http://tfl.nu/7s35
  Replies (3) Good night (1711) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7
  Replies (15) Good night (4668) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen. (781): I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night. (508): Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street. http://tfl.nu/mnwi
  Replies (25) Good night (1090) Bad night (2402)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital. http://tfl.nu/82nh
  Replies (62) Good night (4490) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the problem with open bar is i never know what to get

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): the problem with open bar is i never know what to get (781): did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..." http://tfl.nu/knqb
  Replies (10) Good night (5694) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer. http://tfl.nu/gibc
  Replies (34) Good night (5454) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6414) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (13541) Bad night (5083)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/g8du
  Replies (8) Good night (741) Bad night (2576)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1224) Bad night (4685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I would go down on you faster than GM stock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I would go down on you faster than GM stock http://tfl.nu/ai9f
  Replies (32) Good night (7569) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (21) Good night (14410) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93468) Bad night (4595)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you? http://tfl.nu/rik1
  Replies (5) Good night (3611) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt