Texts From Last Night

lockdown23's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you tipped EVERY employee at white castle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you tipped EVERY employee at white castle http://tfl.nu/d5zv
  Replies (15) Good night (5923) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (177) Good night (47350) Bad night (1701)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on. http://tfl.nu/5fm3
  Replies (30) Good night (9633) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (11432) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (7845) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (47) Good night (23500) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (73) Good night (11245) Bad night (3020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5025) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (6892) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (10754) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it. http://tfl.nu/vp9s
  Replies (19) Good night (5589) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (110) Good night (11718) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9185) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out. http://tfl.nu/rgfe
  Replies (6) Good night (4163) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago. http://tfl.nu/l8io
  Replies (10) Good night (5556) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (7981) Bad night (2526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2501) Bad night (6579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15713) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty http://tfl.nu/ybq4
  Replies (18) Good night (844) Bad night (6330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dont start drinking without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor? (609): dont start drinking without me http://tfl.nu/ofdx
  Replies (47) Good night (4696) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv
  Replies (634) Good night (4739) Bad night (5671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final http://tfl.nu/shle
  Replies (34) Good night (736) Bad night (5233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (628): View more from California

  i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (628): i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me http://tfl.nu/vt02
  Replies (40) Good night (1834) Bad night (4405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin http://tfl.nu/5vsk
  Replies (15) Good night (4606) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house http://tfl.nu/yyye
  Replies (50) Good night (13902) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this http://tfl.nu/0jv4
  Replies (30) Good night (4948) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy http://tfl.nu/vv9t
  Replies (23) Good night (6839) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr
  Replies (34) Good night (9162) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01
  Replies (18) Good night (643) Bad night (4797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?

  (941): View more from Florida

  better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Why do guys in porn never have boxers on? (941): better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn http://tfl.nu/0wxg
  Replies (25) Good night (6351) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed. http://tfl.nu/knrb
  Replies (25) Good night (5459) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid? http://tfl.nu/2je7
  Replies (34) Good night (584) Bad night (5409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
  Replies (82) Good night (21109) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America." http://tfl.nu/2jbp
  Replies (23) Good night (6322) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand. http://tfl.nu/9289
  Replies (7) Good night (3968) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (169) Good night (48033) Bad night (4922)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (26725) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working. http://tfl.nu/9tde
  Replies (43) Good night (7535) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w
  Replies (84) Good night (25903) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning http://tfl.nu/4o81
  Replies (14) Good night (5721) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs. http://tfl.nu/ujxz
  Replies (24) Good night (3404) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats? http://tfl.nu/kev5
  Replies (114) Good night (850) Bad night (3551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (26844) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Some milfs here doing some blow

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Dad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Some milfs here doing some blow (1-203): Dad? http://tfl.nu/14p7
  Replies (64) Good night (3367) Bad night (7821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/e114
  Replies (47) Good night (5305) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (30314) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread. http://tfl.nu/62jg
  Replies (18) Good night (7366) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc
  Replies (26) Good night (8536) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man http://tfl.nu/tkk9
  Replies (29) Good night (8573) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina http://tfl.nu/y9lz
  Replies (104) Good night (11714) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room http://tfl.nu/zqg2
  Replies (23) Good night (4457) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (111) Good night (42887) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative.. http://tfl.nu/iby4
  Replies (10) Good night (563) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (198) Good night (37842) Bad night (2742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  her nipple to breast ratio was just odd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): her nipple to breast ratio was just odd http://tfl.nu/o8uo
  Replies (20) Good night (505) Bad night (3071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (5930) Bad night (38732)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (248) Good night (3017) Bad night (74895)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (75) Good night (36187) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti http://tfl.nu/zbwe
  Replies (36) Good night (21813) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (45907) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1590) Good night (157901) Bad night (39187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (802) Good night (133880) Bad night (8146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions. http://tfl.nu/7qp6
  Replies (29) Good night (7801) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles. http://tfl.nu/osg1
  Replies (69) Good night (9055) Bad night (2659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (96) Good night (3845) Bad night (51642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (11375) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey. http://tfl.nu/1r0k
  Replies (27) Good night (10926) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  yes! wait why?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  because i found it in my pocket this morning...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): were you wearing a green and blue thong last night? (301): yes! wait why? (240): because i found it in my pocket this morning... http://tfl.nu/rs9c
  Replies (39) Good night (10775) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (18772) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
  Replies (61) Good night (17538) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry. http://tfl.nu/w271
  Replies (10) Good night (4904) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (27411) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16431) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (43) Good night (16921) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends? (1-204): When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why? (204): I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well... http://tfl.nu/o1jd
  Replies (21) Good night (7203) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (60) Good night (16417) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can http://tfl.nu/e7bo
  Replies (26) Good night (904) Bad night (4468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (9571) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical. http://tfl.nu/onyl
  Replies (42) Good night (9266) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (23830) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (8951) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (59) Good night (13718) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11066) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over http://tfl.nu/74b2
  Replies (28) Good night (20106) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner. http://tfl.nu/ytfs
  Replies (14) Good night (6639) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
  Replies (74) Good night (22891) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5689) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack http://tfl.nu/o54t
  Replies (29) Good night (6706) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!' http://tfl.nu/sd3c
  Replies (41) Good night (8866) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (343) Good night (53622) Bad night (6205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (47) Good night (7960) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  my professor just said "the power of the situation"

  (216): View more from Ohio

  drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): my professor just said "the power of the situation" (216): drink http://tfl.nu/g82n
  Replies (17) Good night (4893) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse http://tfl.nu/je2y
  Replies (156) Good night (10828) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (98) Good night (24522) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

  (951): View more from California

  u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

  (661): View more from California

  i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break.. (951): u hav a 3 hour lunch break?! (661): i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u http://tfl.nu/1ary
  Replies (40) Good night (7521) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We've got ourselves a situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and.... (614): We've got ourselves a situation http://tfl.nu/efwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6794) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6494) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10028) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/cv1z
  Replies (45) Good night (7265) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (7845) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (23) Good night (16953) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt