Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
