I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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