Texts From Last Night

1mon's Favorites Texts:

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  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

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  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (5207) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

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  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7918) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (36) Good night (8993) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.

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  (801): He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me. http://tfl.nu/9uhs
  Replies (33) Good night (5937) Bad night (1564) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?

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  (919): Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously? http://tfl.nu/b5p0
  Replies (71) Good night (1933) Bad night (6445) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  you dont need a face to have sex

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  (630): shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh. (1-630): you dont need a face to have sex http://tfl.nu/3vud
  Replies (44) Good night (4417) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9338) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding

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  (203): recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding http://tfl.nu/t8fl
  Replies (46) Good night (6704) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm lost and stupid without you.

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  (708): I'm lost and stupid without you. http://tfl.nu/d04q
  Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

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  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (27) Good night (8484) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.

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  (417): There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy. http://tfl.nu/lepd
  Replies (18) Good night (3298) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dude you has no fucking this poptart

  (719): View more from Colorado

  What?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I dont know to explain this.

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  (843): Dude you has no fucking this poptart (719): What? (843): I dont know to explain this. http://tfl.nu/kk1s
  Replies (35) Good night (6505) Bad night (1249)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face

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  (617): yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face http://tfl.nu/3atc
  Replies (7) Good night (1681) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

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  (847): as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me http://tfl.nu/nasi
  Replies (23) Good night (6001) Bad night (1544) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

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  (314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih
  Replies (18) Good night (2351) Bad night (2579) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

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  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (36) Good night (6422) Bad night (1295)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.

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  (913): My favorite part of our friendship is your tits. http://tfl.nu/3eyr
  Replies (19) Good night (4260) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

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  (248): Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.'' http://tfl.nu/51jx
  Replies (11) Good night (6339) Bad night (1841) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
  Replies (19) Good night (5082) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed

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  (902): There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed http://tfl.nu/rsjn
  Replies (8) Good night (2299) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car

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  (724): You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car http://tfl.nu/cede
  Replies (10) Good night (3169) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.

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  (513): I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid. http://tfl.nu/geoy
  Replies (31) Good night (964) Bad night (5639) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

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  (330): what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8812
  Replies (18) Good night (1389) Bad night (2900) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome

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  (636): She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome http://tfl.nu/8vj5
  Replies (9) Good night (4918) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.

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  (757): The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was. http://tfl.nu/n6wn
  Replies (3) Good night (2218) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

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  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36464) Bad night (4990)
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  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

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  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (74) Good night (40188) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

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  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (100) Good night (37956) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

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  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (144) Good night (39904) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

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  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44953) Bad night (3381) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51690) Bad night (5691)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51517) Bad night (1868)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

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  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51689) Bad night (2731) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.

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  (309): I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches. http://tfl.nu/dizl
  Replies (19) Good night (7690) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me

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  (807): her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me http://tfl.nu/f0ty
  Replies (15) Good night (4298) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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  (937): Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate http://tfl.nu/e0yr
  Replies (22) Good night (7526) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.

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  (902): Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know. http://tfl.nu/6wh4
  Replies (10) Good night (3122) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.

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  (503): I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs. http://tfl.nu/iho1
  Replies (19) Good night (3297) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions

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  (972): The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions http://tfl.nu/nm0a
  Replies (8) Good night (1437) Bad night (2488) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

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  (207): She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? " http://tfl.nu/wyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (5447) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers

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  (716): I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers http://tfl.nu/1krf
  Replies (12) Good night (3824) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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  (443): The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of. http://tfl.nu/c44a
  Replies (20) Good night (4203) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks

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  (804): i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks http://tfl.nu/m5sm
  Replies (24) Good night (695) Bad night (7292) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.

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  (501): SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD. http://tfl.nu/21ls
  Replies (30) Good night (11681) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade

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  (717): It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade http://tfl.nu/l96w
  Replies (9) Good night (4413) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

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  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (34) Good night (7325) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out

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  (970): went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out http://tfl.nu/unz9
  Replies (16) Good night (1040) Bad night (5882) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.

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  (918): He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things. http://tfl.nu/ox9y
  Replies (16) Good night (1106) Bad night (2813) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.

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  (805): I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now. http://tfl.nu/p09l
  Replies (6) Good night (4203) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.

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  (515): Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake. http://tfl.nu/j6cx
  Replies (3) Good night (2507) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

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  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.

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  (724): I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8v08
  Replies (16) Good night (5316) Bad night (1417) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21447) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (15882) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

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  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2302) Bad night (24095) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

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  (519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat. http://tfl.nu/eo6a
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital

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  (416): Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital http://tfl.nu/9amh
  Replies (5) Good night (3910) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What are we going to do tonight?

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What we try to do every night. Take over the world

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  (919): What are we going to do tonight? (704): What we try to do every night. Take over the world http://tfl.nu/y4va
  Replies (30) Good night (4198) Bad night (592)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

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  (412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu
  Replies (34) Good night (11159) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

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  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6573) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.

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  (202): Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile. http://tfl.nu/r7sn
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.

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  (412): well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm. http://tfl.nu/hugj
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  (818): View more from California

  At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

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  (818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis. http://tfl.nu/iwbw
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

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  (208): I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe. http://tfl.nu/02tv
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.

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  (727): Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think? (1-727): I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again. http://tfl.nu/gesf
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  (754): View more from Florida

  do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?

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  (754): do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer? http://tfl.nu/0t31
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

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  (817): I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf? http://tfl.nu/ht45
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo everyone went to the hospital last night

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  (401): yo everyone went to the hospital last night http://tfl.nu/d0a6
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.

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  (218): Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace. http://tfl.nu/81g3
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

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  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
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  (+44): View more from England

  Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying

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  (+44): Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying http://tfl.nu/14fx
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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  (302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  No...more like a life jacket.

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  (603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet? (1-603): No...more like a life jacket. http://tfl.nu/4uwt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?

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  (601): hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow? http://tfl.nu/vvua
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

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  (617): Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises http://tfl.nu/cep7
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.

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  (201): Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants. http://tfl.nu/zw7z
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

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  (413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

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  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
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  (207): View more from Maine

  using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.

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  (207): using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code. http://tfl.nu/hjm4
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?

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  (937): was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"? http://tfl.nu/gea9
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Salt in an open wound right now.

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  (301): I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job. (704): How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore? (301): Salt in an open wound right now. http://tfl.nu/m9a1
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  (805): View more from California

  im having a threesome with these popsicles

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  (805): im having a threesome with these popsicles http://tfl.nu/tuy7
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.

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  (321): On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/bm31
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.

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  (402): On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms. http://tfl.nu/59ye
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.

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  (561): Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad. http://tfl.nu/jajh
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

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  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
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  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

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  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

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  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

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  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby

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  (404): Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby http://tfl.nu/eqgg
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

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  (210): I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad. http://tfl.nu/3nvp
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

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  (919): She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..." http://tfl.nu/ca9j
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.

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  (734): Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window. http://tfl.nu/6pvh
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

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  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.

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  (832): I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep. http://tfl.nu/qpw1
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

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  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

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  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
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  (818): View more from California

  Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob

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  (818): Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob http://tfl.nu/xjl4
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.

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  (503): Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake. http://tfl.nu/amef
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