I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Send us your Text From Last Night!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
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