Texts From Last Night

hannahB's Favorites Texts:

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this

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  (208): this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this http://tfl.nu/vlz9
  Replies (15) Good night (858) Bad night (3770) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

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  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1007) Bad night (6592) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

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  (614): Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln? http://tfl.nu/gtnh
  Replies (28) Good night (5747) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.

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  (607): You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar? (405): No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before. http://tfl.nu/y495
  Replies (6) Good night (423) Bad night (1323)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??

  (630): View more from Illinois

  savin' lives aint cheap

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  (973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance?? (630): savin' lives aint cheap http://tfl.nu/eb5j
  Replies (23) Good night (1354) Bad night (320)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"

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  (713): eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae" http://tfl.nu/afr2
  Replies (7) Good night (521) Bad night (3123) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.

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  (509): He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that. http://tfl.nu/zg72
  Replies (31) Good night (4904) Bad night (1768) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.

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  (401): we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either. http://tfl.nu/u7gs
  Replies (15) Good night (921) Bad night (5365) Order T-Shirt
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip

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  (862): Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip http://tfl.nu/drj8
  Replies (15) Good night (1759) Bad night (5675) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?

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  (504): she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud? http://tfl.nu/6q2n
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.

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  (334): I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around. http://tfl.nu/tfd4
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• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

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  (513): She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited.... http://tfl.nu/lzs9
  Replies (16) Good night (4869) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

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  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (30) Good night (3913) Bad night (4794) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Booty call?

  (310): View more from California

  Dude you don't even follow my twitter

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  (323): Booty call? (310): Dude you don't even follow my twitter http://tfl.nu/5q8u
  Replies (15) Good night (432) Bad night (2418)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

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  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5491) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.

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  (203): his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material. http://tfl.nu/ws01
  Replies (13) Good night (4142) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.

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  (386): I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to. http://tfl.nu/dqrr
  Replies (44) Good night (1566) Bad night (5276) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Rock

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Scissors

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fuck

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  (847): Rock (630): Scissors (630): Fuck http://tfl.nu/tdxv
  Replies (14) Good night (2019) Bad night (423)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44043) Bad night (1351)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

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  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
  Replies (16) Good night (4889) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.

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  (310): I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid. http://tfl.nu/amso
  Replies (56) Good night (1097) Bad night (8429) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  he's 29.

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  (302): you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son. (1-302): he's 29. http://tfl.nu/ab19
  Replies (16) Good night (1290) Bad night (4480) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.

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  (520): She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes. http://tfl.nu/56a9
  Replies (19) Good night (8550) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

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  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11520) Bad night (1244)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  At least we don't have one night stands

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  True that. We sink our claws in our men.

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  (765): At least we don't have one night stands (1-765): True that. We sink our claws in our men. http://tfl.nu/8zkt
  Replies (8) Good night (2120) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...

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  (248): Party's warming up, a tranny just got here... http://tfl.nu/y3c5
  Replies (1) Good night (4214) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10183) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial

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  (480): I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial http://tfl.nu/135m
  Replies (7) Good night (1081) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.

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  (813): Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message. http://tfl.nu/p8es
  Replies (22) Good night (5198) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"

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  (610): She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it" http://tfl.nu/cfuj
  Replies (111) Good night (3331) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.

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  (717): Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin. http://tfl.nu/gep5
  Replies (13) Good night (3840) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina

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  (215): omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina http://tfl.nu/buf1
  Replies (56) Good night (6198) Bad night (2020) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.

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  (334): she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/rmvr
  Replies (37) Good night (1174) Bad night (5290) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'

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  (778): No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain' http://tfl.nu/2rma
  Replies (28) Good night (1378) Bad night (7341) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle

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  (860): i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle http://tfl.nu/gxwa
  Replies (24) Good night (1129) Bad night (5251) Order T-Shirt
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning

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  (+64): He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning http://tfl.nu/zdbu
  Replies (52) Good night (1573) Bad night (7813) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"

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  (432): He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun" http://tfl.nu/hrdc
  Replies (28) Good night (2433) Bad night (3986) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

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  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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  (503): The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator http://tfl.nu/5qfu
  Replies (37) Good night (326) Bad night (5080) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.

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  (610): There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper. http://tfl.nu/5c6l
  Replies (7) Good night (500) Bad night (2542) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

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  (215): Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless. http://tfl.nu/tw3i
  Replies (141) Good night (2069) Bad night (1822) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

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  (512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c
  Replies (46) Good night (924) Bad night (4360)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  i told you not to try chat roulette

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  (248): it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world (1-248): i told you not to try chat roulette http://tfl.nu/80bv
  Replies (20) Good night (979) Bad night (6165)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

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  (314): I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today. http://tfl.nu/ix6a
  Replies (43) Good night (6726) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

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  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (23) Good night (11259) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  lock that shit down

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  (808): dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd (1-808): lock that shit down http://tfl.nu/r4jz
  Replies (30) Good night (7166) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

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  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9375) Bad night (1905) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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  (208): you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack http://tfl.nu/46lg
  Replies (28) Good night (668) Bad night (4136) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome

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  (317): cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome http://tfl.nu/yrg8
  Replies (35) Good night (5369) Bad night (1827) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

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  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.

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  (506): Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites. http://tfl.nu/r5fj
  Replies (19) Good night (2817) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

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  (703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches... http://tfl.nu/6ywp
  Replies (47) Good night (7768) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

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  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (18) Good night (6144) Bad night (389)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48648) Bad night (1814)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

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  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
  Replies (14) Good night (4627) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.

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  (954): I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened. http://tfl.nu/wvm1
  Replies (38) Good night (2703) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  she takes plan B like it's going out of style

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  (858): she takes plan B like it's going out of style http://tfl.nu/mrnj
  Replies (27) Good night (659) Bad night (3332) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

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  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (9954) Bad night (1006)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.

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  (518): Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag. http://tfl.nu/o75p
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise

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  (208): the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise http://tfl.nu/n0e5
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  (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

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  (650): Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards? http://tfl.nu/fenr
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.

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  (517): Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity. http://tfl.nu/x1wn
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  (845): View more from New York

  i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.

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  (845): i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning. http://tfl.nu/8v63
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination

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  (304): Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination http://tfl.nu/azc2
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.

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  (617): I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples. http://tfl.nu/l51o
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.

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  (321): mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday. http://tfl.nu/054y
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  (954): View more from Florida

  my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him

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  (954): my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him http://tfl.nu/k9ng
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He could be your dad!

  (206): View more from Washington

  We discussed that right before he asked for my number

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  (425): He could be your dad! (206): We discussed that right before he asked for my number http://tfl.nu/jztz
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  (727): View more from Florida

  singing on the bus should be illegal

  (607): View more from New York

  huh?

  (727): View more from Florida

  There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down

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  (727): singing on the bus should be illegal (607): huh? (727): There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down http://tfl.nu/vlmd
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus

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  (517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus http://tfl.nu/qcmy
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

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  (414): I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay. http://tfl.nu/pwts
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  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

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  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
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  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

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  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.

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  (774): his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW. http://tfl.nu/joal
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.

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  (440): he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now. http://tfl.nu/ongm
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.

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  (205): we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit. http://tfl.nu/3r6b
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  (801): View more from Utah

  just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk

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  (801): just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk http://tfl.nu/d8b4
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

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  (614): Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy? http://tfl.nu/swws
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
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  (214): View more from Texas

  come over

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  yeah sure

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10

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  (214): come over (1-214): yeah sure (1-214): wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/qceh
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  (310): View more from California

  i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets

  (818): View more from California

  julia child would be proud.

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  (310): i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets (818): julia child would be proud. http://tfl.nu/gv9u
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????

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  (248): am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock???? http://tfl.nu/dfne
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

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  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Her vagina smelled like bad decisions

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  (704): Her vagina smelled like bad decisions http://tfl.nu/m5j1
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

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  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
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  (806): View more from Texas

  at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.

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  (806): at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap. http://tfl.nu/nba1
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.

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  (678): You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works. http://tfl.nu/of7z
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.

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  (229): He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records. http://tfl.nu/dlha
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

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  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.

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  (404): she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis. http://tfl.nu/x2kt
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  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

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  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.

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  (304): I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats. http://tfl.nu/8c7z
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  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

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  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

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  (305): I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind. http://tfl.nu/8l0m
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  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

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  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

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  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

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  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

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  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
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