Texts From Last Night

kymmie1021's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i might be a female sloth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr
  Replies (5) Good night (1005) Bad night (60)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D http://tfl.nu/eelv
  Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I fill condoms, not promises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I fill condoms, not promises. http://tfl.nu/fzpc
  Replies (4) Good night (1127) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON." http://tfl.nu/rycj
  Replies (4) Good night (899) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): 2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here. http://tfl.nu/53p6
  Replies (3) Good night (771) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina http://tfl.nu/eog8
  Replies (14) Good night (1376) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked

  (539): View more from

  All of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked (539): All of it http://tfl.nu/fe2w
  Replies (5) Good night (519) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days. http://tfl.nu/om2e
  Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you. http://tfl.nu/tnhh
  Replies (6) Good night (829) Bad night (180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow http://tfl.nu/nndh
  Replies (5) Good night (1015) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters. http://tfl.nu/2e4j
  Replies (7) Good night (787) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME. http://tfl.nu/zcmi
  Replies (8) Good night (343) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard. http://tfl.nu/ybia
  Replies (17) Good night (2291) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.

  (813): View more from Florida

  You always make things weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower. (813): You always make things weird. http://tfl.nu/1vvg
  Replies (6) Good night (870) Bad night (183)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog." http://tfl.nu/q8wu
  Replies (8) Good night (270) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes http://tfl.nu/2ifp
  Replies (6) Good night (678) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter? http://tfl.nu/jufp
  Replies (7) Good night (916) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator? http://tfl.nu/2ohc
  Replies (5) Good night (805) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  ... and if i was..

  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. You.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i
  Replies (5) Good night (1517) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came. http://tfl.nu/1nw4
  Replies (8) Good night (774) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night." http://tfl.nu/krw1
  Replies (6) Good night (1538) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise http://tfl.nu/29uw
  Replies (8) Good night (799) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures. http://tfl.nu/74dn
  Replies (3) Good night (946) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33. (1-617): you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight http://tfl.nu/rpjk
  Replies (5) Good night (1846) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick. http://tfl.nu/xvdr
  Replies (9) Good night (1622) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one. http://tfl.nu/mish
  Replies (8) Good night (532) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen? http://tfl.nu/h6xb
  Replies (10) Good night (333) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better" http://tfl.nu/176v
  Replies (9) Good night (1195) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/j0k2
  Replies (16) Good night (1551) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it. http://tfl.nu/7l3r
  Replies (4) Good night (448) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock http://tfl.nu/wbdd
  Replies (9) Good night (1792) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (391): View more from

  She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (391): She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once http://tfl.nu/4via
  Replies (11) Good night (358) Bad night (1752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner." http://tfl.nu/q4fy
  Replies (16) Good night (2492) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e
  Replies (6) Good night (1068) Bad night (2807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it. http://tfl.nu/f0ca
  Replies (1) Good night (789) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/kqy9
  Replies (4) Good night (1111) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from. http://tfl.nu/e26m
  Replies (10) Good night (748) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive http://tfl.nu/jyc3
  Replies (3) Good night (1328) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad. http://tfl.nu/2wvl
  Replies (20) Good night (1304) Bad night (4760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck. http://tfl.nu/gj91
  Replies (23) Good night (1354) Bad night (4538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other. http://tfl.nu/8wn6
  Replies (16) Good night (1142) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey http://tfl.nu/3j62
  Replies (5) Good night (1240) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved. http://tfl.nu/jqlw
  Replies (14) Good night (745) Bad night (2654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT. http://tfl.nu/hra9
  Replies (23) Good night (2729) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love http://tfl.nu/8heh
  Replies (3) Good night (499) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10831) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track http://tfl.nu/rp6g
  Replies (8) Good night (534) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess. http://tfl.nu/ade3
  Replies (9) Good night (1206) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11432) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex http://tfl.nu/zwof
  Replies (9) Good night (2932) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him http://tfl.nu/fs9i
  Replies (9) Good night (1045) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/v27r
  Replies (13) Good night (1216) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest. http://tfl.nu/dnlf
  Replies (10) Good night (1466) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom http://tfl.nu/16e5
  Replies (5) Good night (499) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex. http://tfl.nu/o4rj
  Replies (11) Good night (1183) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity http://tfl.nu/9e9v
  Replies (9) Good night (2191) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win. http://tfl.nu/n6kc
  Replies (12) Good night (1690) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa
  Replies (10) Good night (1161) Bad night (4697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now http://tfl.nu/86ra
  Replies (5) Good night (1768) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Please be lying.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Im not. Your family was creeped out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased (314): Please be lying. (636): Im not. Your family was creeped out http://tfl.nu/82lj
  Replies (8) Good night (915) Bad night (1748)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever http://tfl.nu/r55b
  Replies (9) Good night (1196) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye. http://tfl.nu/5hfu
  Replies (20) Good night (1325) Bad night (2728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them. http://tfl.nu/5mum
  Replies (14) Good night (1849) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I told you those kegels would come in handy one day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina (401): I told you those kegels would come in handy one day http://tfl.nu/ed4f
  Replies (22) Good night (2188) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love? http://tfl.nu/7zb0
  Replies (19) Good night (4077) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Gym?

  (801): View more from Utah

  Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Gym? (801): Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants. http://tfl.nu/eaoe
  Replies (7) Good night (1248) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs. http://tfl.nu/8989
  Replies (5) Good night (779) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (55) Good night (2047) Bad night (6342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  i think i broke my dog last night...fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): i think i broke my dog last night...fuck http://tfl.nu/y38t
  Replies (6) Good night (330) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers http://tfl.nu/bomc
  Replies (14) Good night (3916) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation. http://tfl.nu/hpn0
  Replies (2) Good night (1128) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion. http://tfl.nu/8mpu
  Replies (10) Good night (2052) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2683) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina. http://tfl.nu/v1d1
  Replies (13) Good night (1503) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical. http://tfl.nu/hbh3
  Replies (9) Good night (1857) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again. http://tfl.nu/u94k
  Replies (4) Good night (1828) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump? http://tfl.nu/1thl
  Replies (14) Good night (1194) Bad night (3249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america http://tfl.nu/uvbf
  Replies (23) Good night (1522) Bad night (4745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.

  (909): View more from California

  Whaaaaaat? No way.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag. (909): Whaaaaaat? No way. (206): Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier. http://tfl.nu/t9qj
  Replies (16) Good night (462) Bad night (1795)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Ew! He's just a child!

  (361): View more from Texas

  AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I'm okay with corrupting his young mind. (1-361): Ew! He's just a child! (361): AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE. http://tfl.nu/exs0
  Replies (46) Good night (3688) Bad night (1683)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there. http://tfl.nu/dv4v
  Replies (13) Good night (4188) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

  (1-323): View more from California

  Did you put it in the freezer again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz
  Replies (29) Good night (832) Bad night (6189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background... http://tfl.nu/gjfo
  Replies (7) Good night (623) Bad night (1634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins' http://tfl.nu/d755
  Replies (9) Good night (1718) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda? http://tfl.nu/bxk9
  Replies (13) Good night (1726) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her http://tfl.nu/gcpo
  Replies (12) Good night (1132) Bad night (4097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things. http://tfl.nu/vads
  Replies (9) Good night (3851) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4646) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit. http://tfl.nu/afy7
  Replies (14) Good night (6848) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia. http://tfl.nu/25qr
  Replies (14) Good night (2510) Bad night (1230)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions http://tfl.nu/7b2z
  Replies (14) Good night (2462) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  and you succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk. (1-919): and you succeeded. http://tfl.nu/9cm4
  Replies (11) Good night (4253) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen. http://tfl.nu/ant7
  Replies (9) Good night (2302) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share. http://tfl.nu/wq4n
  Replies (8) Good night (2015) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one... http://tfl.nu/kexj
  Replies (11) Good night (2682) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17889) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
  Replies (61) Good night (18517) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31468) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51672) Bad night (5687)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142110) Bad night (9303) Order T-Shirt